"Autobots... roll out!"
July 3, 2007 - a day I've waited over 23 years for. I was able to sit down in a movie theater, and watch a live-action Transformers movie. Yes, it was good. Actually, it was really, really good. By no means is it a deep film, a fact I had to consciously remind myself of a few times during the course of the movie. It will not win an Academy award for best film, best screen play, or least lame dialog, even though this last one is made up. It has a VERY good chance of winning for visual effects, and I only say "chance" because I haven't yet seen Live Free, Die Hard or the upcoming Harry Potter film. in any case, this is the first movie I can recall where I was smiling in pure joy through almost the entire thing.
To follow is a brief recap and my reactions to the movie:
Ohhh... the shivers I felt hearing the voice of Peter Cullen in the theater's surround sound. Sure, the dialog was hopelessly lame - come on, "before time began, there was a cube" ain't exactly oozing with undertone - but it does fit in with the '80s corniness that prevailed in the original cartoon. Having Cullen voice Optimus Prime once again was simply the right thing to do. Having him spout things like "uh, oop, er" as he tries to hide behind a house, not so much right. With the huge change of appearance of all the Transformers from the cartoon, it was very important to capture the voices behind the characters, and Cullen instantly connected the new Optimus to the old. And then I kept thinking of the commercial breaks to Voltron, with his "Voltron will return after these messages" and "and now, back to Voltron!" What can I say, I was a child of '80s cartoons.
Sticking with the voices for a while, I was pleased with Hugo Weaving's performance of Megatron. Before the movie, I could not for the life of me put his voice to Megatron's character. I kept getting this mental image of the cartoon version of Megatron saying "remember, remember the fifth of November..." Sure, you had to wait 3/4 of the movie to finally hear him, but I think he worked out well. It was weird, though, since there were many times when I was thinking, "hey, that sounds just like Unicron from the '80s movie. Sorry, kira_, I still think he sounded more like Orson Welles than Leonard Nemoy. Then again, there were times when he jumped out of character in my opinion, and sounded just like Agent Smith from the Matrix. Starscream sounded really good, even though he had, what, one or two lines. COME ON! Starscream deserves much better than that. Actually, I think all rest of the Transformers deserved more speaking parts. Or, maybe not; the rest of the Autobots sounded pretty hokey to me. After hearing Jazz speak, I was expecting Lil John to pop up and shout "What? What? OKAY!" Instead, I heard Ratchet and Ironhide, and I though, "okay, close enough." It's good to know that Eddie Winslow from "Family Matters" is still getting work, though. The Decepticons weren't much better, either. At first, I couldn't figure out what the hell Barricade was saying. I had to adjust to his fast yelling. And why the hell did Frenzy, who didn't actually "speak," get so many "lines" through the entire movie? It was like R2-D2 getting his own movie, and all your heard were beeps ands squeaks.
Continuing on with the actors, the live cast had its hits and misses, as well. Shia LaBeouf has been getting better and better ever since he left that Disney show he broke out in. i still thought he was pretty stupid in I, Robot, but he was decent in that golf movie form a few years back, was supposed to be pretty good in Disturbia, which I haven't seen, was good in this film, and is set to take Shorty's place in the upcoming "Indiana Jones" movie. Dude deserves some props. To be brutally honest, the rest of the cast could have taken a hike, for all I cared. Megan Fox's character Mikaela was probably intended to fairly complex, but was actually pretty shallow, coming off more like a Mary Jane Watson from the first "Spider-Man" movie. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson, who held the lead combat character roles, weren't bad, and their characters were needed in the movie to move the plot along, but there wasn't anything special about them. The worst were John Turturro, Rachael Taylor and Anthony Anderson. God bless Anderson, he's one hilarious fat black man, but I really didn't think he was needed in the movie. Turturro and Taylor... ugh. I couldn't stand them. Their characters were horribly lame, one-dimensional, and not at all funny. We can't forget about Bernie Mac, either, as he shoves hit foot in another theatrical door. He had some funny parts, sure, but you forget about his character as quickly as he jumps on screen. Well, Sam had to meet up with Bumblebee some how, and I guess there weren't any oil rigs available to film on.
Ah, yes, Bumblebee, the first Transformer in everybody's life. Most people either love him or hate him. I'm relatively indifferent. I was never a huge fan, but I didn't really mind him. At the very least, I found him less annoying than Wheeljack. For some reason, I just didn't like Wheeljack, except for his toy version in Rally Car form, which I thought actually looked pretty good. I really didn't care that Bumblebee was a Camaro. They got their little jab in by having him whack his door into an old yellow VW Bug, but he would have worked for me either way. Optimus = big rig. No two ways about that. Some people were upset that he didn't look more like his original boxy, all red cab, but I thought the sleeker design in film looked better. Blue and red flame paint job, eh. At least he had the right colors. Jazz was pretty good, too. Sure, he wasn't a Porsche anymore, but his movie Pontiac form was just as sporty. Ironhide was just huge, and he didn't have a windshield for a face, which is a plus. Oh, and don't tell anyone, but I think GMC might have been advertised just a little in the movie. Maybe. I couldn't tell for sure. Ratchet was the one I found to be the most different. Sure, he was supposed to be a search and rescue Hummer, but I just can't see him as anything else other than an ambulance, whether it's the old box van type or the more modern, er, box type, he has to be white with red lights. A yellow Hummer? Not buying it.
The Decepticons were a mixed bunch as well. Barricade? Fucking badass! Both his police car and robot forms were totally wicked. Sleek and just screaming of evilness. Probably my favorite as far as vehicles go. Plus, it helps that he was featured in more than half the film. It's too bad they couldn't keep him as the Autobot Prowl, as both myself and kira_ would have probably peed ourselves. Blackout was cool, too, but his huge bulky form just took up too much space. It was okay when he was blowing EVERYTHING up in the desert, but there just wasn't enough space when they started fighting on city streets. Frenzy was a very fitting character. He wasn't at all like his cartoon counterpart. He was much more manic and violent than his sissy cassette tape cousin. The movie probably could have used a little less of him on screen, what with his skittering about jabbering away in his Ewok language. Bonecrusher and Devastator were my least favorite. Bonecrusher was around for all of two minutes before getting his ass kicked my Optimus (as it should have been, but he could have done more before then), and Devastator was ridiculous looking. An M1 Abrams, you say? Maybe under all those slapped-on accessories. They really shouldn't have let Hasbro have their run on his design, which is what I swear happened. Adding cheesy accessories does not a badass make. That leaves Megatron and Starscream. Megatron is iconic as the Walther P-38, but honestly, how well would that have worked in the movie? His Cybertornian jet form wasn't exactly menacing or anything, but it worked. Starscream is different. Just as Megatron is associated with a gun, Starscream has always been an F-15. His toy has always been one of the coolest, I thought, and it was a shame he couldn't keep that form in the movie. However, I'm also a fan of the F-22 Raptor, and have been since it was being developed. If the Raptors are replacing the F-14's and F-15's in real life, why not do the same for the movie? My absolute favorite action sequence involved Starscream flying up with a squadron of F-22, then proceeding to blow them all out of the sky as he jumps back and forth between robot and Raptor form. It was such a thrilling scene, and the character is so cut-throat, there were only two things I was disappointed with. For one, you don't get any clue to the relationship between him and Megatron (and I don't mean that in a "which one is the uke?" way), and when you see him in his robot form, just standing there, he looks pretty lame. It's like he's got a metal kite stuck to his back. They get all these funky mechanical parts moving around that come out of nowhere, but you can't transform his wings back further? Lame.
-Okay, jumping back into this post 12 hours later... let's see if I can pick up my train of thought-
I guess I'll go into the action next. I gotta hand it to the guys and gals at ILM, the animation is so complex throughout the movie, I don't know how the hell they got it done. Sometimes, though, it seemed a little too complex. For the most part, in the cartoon, you could see where things go. True, they had instances of things randomly appearing/disappearing (Optimus' trailer) and changing scale on a whim (Megatron shrinking down to gun size), but with the live action movie, you see crap pop out of nowhere. There are spinning parts that don't seem to serve any actual purpose, other than to be eye candy. The only problem with that, is, how can anyone enjoy the details when it overloads your brain just trying to take it all in? Their robot forms are so totally complex and alien to not only their cartoon counterparts, but to what you'd expect a Hummer robot to look like. There were some hints in each design, but I would have like there to be more obvious clues to their alternate form. There movement was animated well, but again, they just went overboard with everything. Ironhide doesn't just run around, he has to hop and roll like he's Laura Croft. The first time you see Jazz transform, he busts out in a breakdance move. Yeah, okay, it shows off the fancy CGI work and ties in with his name, but was it really worth it, especially when they're just going to FUCKING RIP HIM IN HALF later in the film? No, not really.
Well, this post has already hit four pages in Word, so I guess I'll just generalize the rest of my thoughts here. The dialog was super cheesy at times, and the whole series at the Hoover Dam felt like it was harking back to '90s action films. Hey, let's grab this old radio that's covered in dust and cobwebs, even though the lab it's in is fairly modern and clean. I know! Let's hack this computer to send a signal through said radio, because that'll obviously work. I was never trained in Morse code or in how to use a telegraph, but I don't think you need to tap the thing to receive messages, do you? There were some cool tie-ins to the original series, as kira_ mentions in his post, such as the fact that they do use the Hoover Dam, and that the Decepticons end up at the bottom of the ocean, both seen in the opening set of episodes from the cartoon. Don't forget the product inserts, too. A Pepsi vending machine that transforms to a robot with a can-shooting revolver, or a rabid Xbox that transforms with the XB -whom- sound. Speaking of which, I'm glad they used the original transformation sound, for the sake of nostalgia, but it really didn't fit in well with the timing of the transformation or the other SFX they used for that process. The timing was probably the worst part, and it took a whole minute for each character to transform into their robot mode, but then they'd just jump back to their alternate form.
Even though it seems like I've done nothing but critique the movie, I left very happy. I knew it was going to be a popcorn action flick, holding a special spot in me only because of my fondness for Transformers growing up. If you're a super fanboy/girl of the series who likes to nitpick all the minute details of the film, you're either going to be overjoyed with the things you can point out that "zomg aren't the same!" or are going to hate it for the same reason. If you're an intellectual who enjoys movies like Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind or Searching for Bobby Fisher, you probably won't like this movie. However, if you liked The Matrix or The Fifth Element, chances are you'll sit through the movie and have a decent time. Add points if you're already a fan of Transformers. It's two hours of mindless fun, and you simply have to leave it at that. On a scale of 0-10, I give it a 8.5-9.0, depending on the scene. It sure wasn't perfect, but it was totally worth buying the tickets three weeks in advance.
On a final, closing note - goddamn, Michael Bay. Did you really need to blow up that many cars? Sure, you showoff the destructive capabilities of the Decepticons, but you don't always have to blast through an entire fleet of random cars to get the job done. Seriously.
To follow is a brief recap and my reactions to the movie:
Ohhh... the shivers I felt hearing the voice of Peter Cullen in the theater's surround sound. Sure, the dialog was hopelessly lame - come on, "before time began, there was a cube" ain't exactly oozing with undertone - but it does fit in with the '80s corniness that prevailed in the original cartoon. Having Cullen voice Optimus Prime once again was simply the right thing to do. Having him spout things like "uh, oop, er" as he tries to hide behind a house, not so much right. With the huge change of appearance of all the Transformers from the cartoon, it was very important to capture the voices behind the characters, and Cullen instantly connected the new Optimus to the old. And then I kept thinking of the commercial breaks to Voltron, with his "Voltron will return after these messages" and "and now, back to Voltron!" What can I say, I was a child of '80s cartoons.
Sticking with the voices for a while, I was pleased with Hugo Weaving's performance of Megatron. Before the movie, I could not for the life of me put his voice to Megatron's character. I kept getting this mental image of the cartoon version of Megatron saying "remember, remember the fifth of November..." Sure, you had to wait 3/4 of the movie to finally hear him, but I think he worked out well. It was weird, though, since there were many times when I was thinking, "hey, that sounds just like Unicron from the '80s movie. Sorry, kira_, I still think he sounded more like Orson Welles than Leonard Nemoy. Then again, there were times when he jumped out of character in my opinion, and sounded just like Agent Smith from the Matrix. Starscream sounded really good, even though he had, what, one or two lines. COME ON! Starscream deserves much better than that. Actually, I think all rest of the Transformers deserved more speaking parts. Or, maybe not; the rest of the Autobots sounded pretty hokey to me. After hearing Jazz speak, I was expecting Lil John to pop up and shout "What? What? OKAY!" Instead, I heard Ratchet and Ironhide, and I though, "okay, close enough." It's good to know that Eddie Winslow from "Family Matters" is still getting work, though. The Decepticons weren't much better, either. At first, I couldn't figure out what the hell Barricade was saying. I had to adjust to his fast yelling. And why the hell did Frenzy, who didn't actually "speak," get so many "lines" through the entire movie? It was like R2-D2 getting his own movie, and all your heard were beeps ands squeaks.
Continuing on with the actors, the live cast had its hits and misses, as well. Shia LaBeouf has been getting better and better ever since he left that Disney show he broke out in. i still thought he was pretty stupid in I, Robot, but he was decent in that golf movie form a few years back, was supposed to be pretty good in Disturbia, which I haven't seen, was good in this film, and is set to take Shorty's place in the upcoming "Indiana Jones" movie. Dude deserves some props. To be brutally honest, the rest of the cast could have taken a hike, for all I cared. Megan Fox's character Mikaela was probably intended to fairly complex, but was actually pretty shallow, coming off more like a Mary Jane Watson from the first "Spider-Man" movie. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson, who held the lead combat character roles, weren't bad, and their characters were needed in the movie to move the plot along, but there wasn't anything special about them. The worst were John Turturro, Rachael Taylor and Anthony Anderson. God bless Anderson, he's one hilarious fat black man, but I really didn't think he was needed in the movie. Turturro and Taylor... ugh. I couldn't stand them. Their characters were horribly lame, one-dimensional, and not at all funny. We can't forget about Bernie Mac, either, as he shoves hit foot in another theatrical door. He had some funny parts, sure, but you forget about his character as quickly as he jumps on screen. Well, Sam had to meet up with Bumblebee some how, and I guess there weren't any oil rigs available to film on.
Ah, yes, Bumblebee, the first Transformer in everybody's life. Most people either love him or hate him. I'm relatively indifferent. I was never a huge fan, but I didn't really mind him. At the very least, I found him less annoying than Wheeljack. For some reason, I just didn't like Wheeljack, except for his toy version in Rally Car form, which I thought actually looked pretty good. I really didn't care that Bumblebee was a Camaro. They got their little jab in by having him whack his door into an old yellow VW Bug, but he would have worked for me either way. Optimus = big rig. No two ways about that. Some people were upset that he didn't look more like his original boxy, all red cab, but I thought the sleeker design in film looked better. Blue and red flame paint job, eh. At least he had the right colors. Jazz was pretty good, too. Sure, he wasn't a Porsche anymore, but his movie Pontiac form was just as sporty. Ironhide was just huge, and he didn't have a windshield for a face, which is a plus. Oh, and don't tell anyone, but I think GMC might have been advertised just a little in the movie. Maybe. I couldn't tell for sure. Ratchet was the one I found to be the most different. Sure, he was supposed to be a search and rescue Hummer, but I just can't see him as anything else other than an ambulance, whether it's the old box van type or the more modern, er, box type, he has to be white with red lights. A yellow Hummer? Not buying it.
The Decepticons were a mixed bunch as well. Barricade? Fucking badass! Both his police car and robot forms were totally wicked. Sleek and just screaming of evilness. Probably my favorite as far as vehicles go. Plus, it helps that he was featured in more than half the film. It's too bad they couldn't keep him as the Autobot Prowl, as both myself and kira_ would have probably peed ourselves. Blackout was cool, too, but his huge bulky form just took up too much space. It was okay when he was blowing EVERYTHING up in the desert, but there just wasn't enough space when they started fighting on city streets. Frenzy was a very fitting character. He wasn't at all like his cartoon counterpart. He was much more manic and violent than his sissy cassette tape cousin. The movie probably could have used a little less of him on screen, what with his skittering about jabbering away in his Ewok language. Bonecrusher and Devastator were my least favorite. Bonecrusher was around for all of two minutes before getting his ass kicked my Optimus (as it should have been, but he could have done more before then), and Devastator was ridiculous looking. An M1 Abrams, you say? Maybe under all those slapped-on accessories. They really shouldn't have let Hasbro have their run on his design, which is what I swear happened. Adding cheesy accessories does not a badass make. That leaves Megatron and Starscream. Megatron is iconic as the Walther P-38, but honestly, how well would that have worked in the movie? His Cybertornian jet form wasn't exactly menacing or anything, but it worked. Starscream is different. Just as Megatron is associated with a gun, Starscream has always been an F-15. His toy has always been one of the coolest, I thought, and it was a shame he couldn't keep that form in the movie. However, I'm also a fan of the F-22 Raptor, and have been since it was being developed. If the Raptors are replacing the F-14's and F-15's in real life, why not do the same for the movie? My absolute favorite action sequence involved Starscream flying up with a squadron of F-22, then proceeding to blow them all out of the sky as he jumps back and forth between robot and Raptor form. It was such a thrilling scene, and the character is so cut-throat, there were only two things I was disappointed with. For one, you don't get any clue to the relationship between him and Megatron (and I don't mean that in a "which one is the uke?" way), and when you see him in his robot form, just standing there, he looks pretty lame. It's like he's got a metal kite stuck to his back. They get all these funky mechanical parts moving around that come out of nowhere, but you can't transform his wings back further? Lame.
-Okay, jumping back into this post 12 hours later... let's see if I can pick up my train of thought-
I guess I'll go into the action next. I gotta hand it to the guys and gals at ILM, the animation is so complex throughout the movie, I don't know how the hell they got it done. Sometimes, though, it seemed a little too complex. For the most part, in the cartoon, you could see where things go. True, they had instances of things randomly appearing/disappearing (Optimus' trailer) and changing scale on a whim (Megatron shrinking down to gun size), but with the live action movie, you see crap pop out of nowhere. There are spinning parts that don't seem to serve any actual purpose, other than to be eye candy. The only problem with that, is, how can anyone enjoy the details when it overloads your brain just trying to take it all in? Their robot forms are so totally complex and alien to not only their cartoon counterparts, but to what you'd expect a Hummer robot to look like. There were some hints in each design, but I would have like there to be more obvious clues to their alternate form. There movement was animated well, but again, they just went overboard with everything. Ironhide doesn't just run around, he has to hop and roll like he's Laura Croft. The first time you see Jazz transform, he busts out in a breakdance move. Yeah, okay, it shows off the fancy CGI work and ties in with his name, but was it really worth it, especially when they're just going to FUCKING RIP HIM IN HALF later in the film? No, not really.
Well, this post has already hit four pages in Word, so I guess I'll just generalize the rest of my thoughts here. The dialog was super cheesy at times, and the whole series at the Hoover Dam felt like it was harking back to '90s action films. Hey, let's grab this old radio that's covered in dust and cobwebs, even though the lab it's in is fairly modern and clean. I know! Let's hack this computer to send a signal through said radio, because that'll obviously work. I was never trained in Morse code or in how to use a telegraph, but I don't think you need to tap the thing to receive messages, do you? There were some cool tie-ins to the original series, as kira_ mentions in his post, such as the fact that they do use the Hoover Dam, and that the Decepticons end up at the bottom of the ocean, both seen in the opening set of episodes from the cartoon. Don't forget the product inserts, too. A Pepsi vending machine that transforms to a robot with a can-shooting revolver, or a rabid Xbox that transforms with the XB -whom- sound. Speaking of which, I'm glad they used the original transformation sound, for the sake of nostalgia, but it really didn't fit in well with the timing of the transformation or the other SFX they used for that process. The timing was probably the worst part, and it took a whole minute for each character to transform into their robot mode, but then they'd just jump back to their alternate form.
Even though it seems like I've done nothing but critique the movie, I left very happy. I knew it was going to be a popcorn action flick, holding a special spot in me only because of my fondness for Transformers growing up. If you're a super fanboy/girl of the series who likes to nitpick all the minute details of the film, you're either going to be overjoyed with the things you can point out that "zomg aren't the same!" or are going to hate it for the same reason. If you're an intellectual who enjoys movies like Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind or Searching for Bobby Fisher, you probably won't like this movie. However, if you liked The Matrix or The Fifth Element, chances are you'll sit through the movie and have a decent time. Add points if you're already a fan of Transformers. It's two hours of mindless fun, and you simply have to leave it at that. On a scale of 0-10, I give it a 8.5-9.0, depending on the scene. It sure wasn't perfect, but it was totally worth buying the tickets three weeks in advance.
On a final, closing note - goddamn, Michael Bay. Did you really need to blow up that many cars? Sure, you showoff the destructive capabilities of the Decepticons, but you don't always have to blast through an entire fleet of random cars to get the job done. Seriously.