The rambles begin
You don't have to be in the mood to write, just write. I need to write. I need to pour out my mind. It's too overstuffed here, I feel like I'm going to explode. Emma called me tonight, and I was able to just poooour out, in a way that I haven't before. I needed to talk. To vent you could say. So many thoughts.
I'm doing the artist's way right now, which is also opening up a lot of things for me. Mind you, this is my third time to start it, and both other times I never made it past the first week (which relates back to what I'm realizing to be my habit of not finishing what I start. breaking promises to myself. which is less a symptom of unreliability, and more a symptom of setting unrealistically high standards for myself which cannot actually be reached, thus setting myself up for failure) But fuck that. I'm determined. I have whittled down my expectations for myself, and decided what are the absolutely most important things for me to do. One thing at a time. If I can commit myself to finishing one of these thousands of projects I commit myself to, maybe I can start finishing more of them. Close a loose end for once.
I came out here to Hawaii with all these unrealistically high ambitions:
Well whoopdeefuckindoo, I wonder why I can't finish anything that I start? Maybe because my expectations and goals are a little tiny bit fucking preposterous!!
Luckily, I have finally realized this and am owning up to this. SO! Here's my NEW list of goals this summer:
ANYWAY
On another subject, what I meant to write about: my head is clogged. I feel like there are a thousand things I want to say and discuss and get out in the open. OFTEN of a philosophical nature. There are like, a lot of thoughts I've been having about like, the nature of the universe and such. Whose to say if they are worth a damn, or misinformed, or if anyone else is interested in them except me. But who gives a damn. I need a brain drain, and hopefully someone else may find them of interest.
MORNING: write morning pages
NIGHT: write lj entry.
creative regimen.
Let's see where it goes.
I'm doing the artist's way right now, which is also opening up a lot of things for me. Mind you, this is my third time to start it, and both other times I never made it past the first week (which relates back to what I'm realizing to be my habit of not finishing what I start. breaking promises to myself. which is less a symptom of unreliability, and more a symptom of setting unrealistically high standards for myself which cannot actually be reached, thus setting myself up for failure) But fuck that. I'm determined. I have whittled down my expectations for myself, and decided what are the absolutely most important things for me to do. One thing at a time. If I can commit myself to finishing one of these thousands of projects I commit myself to, maybe I can start finishing more of them. Close a loose end for once.
I came out here to Hawaii with all these unrealistically high ambitions:
- Do the Artist's Way (about an hour a day commitment)
- Do P-90 X (About 1-2 hour per day commitment)
- Learn to play my bass.
- Read like 50 plays
- Read like 20 books
- Spend lots of time with, and bond with my dad
- Surf everyday, and become good at it.
- Buy a guitar and write some songs on my guitar
- Write every day, thus giving myself a stronger sense of who I am as a writer, perhaps culminating in a short play or short story.
- Maybe get a job and pay off my credit cards too.
Well whoopdeefuckindoo, I wonder why I can't finish anything that I start? Maybe because my expectations and goals are a little tiny bit fucking preposterous!!
Luckily, I have finally realized this and am owning up to this. SO! Here's my NEW list of goals this summer:
- DO THE ARTIST'S WAY (no if ands or buts)
- P-90X
- Bond with dad
- Work and make some money.
- read some and play some bass
ANYWAY
On another subject, what I meant to write about: my head is clogged. I feel like there are a thousand things I want to say and discuss and get out in the open. OFTEN of a philosophical nature. There are like, a lot of thoughts I've been having about like, the nature of the universe and such. Whose to say if they are worth a damn, or misinformed, or if anyone else is interested in them except me. But who gives a damn. I need a brain drain, and hopefully someone else may find them of interest.
MORNING: write morning pages
NIGHT: write lj entry.
creative regimen.
Let's see where it goes.