"So this is the new year, and I have no resolution."
I attempted to sleep during New Years Eve, praying that I wouldn't wake up for the new year.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I was certain that Ethan was enough to keep me happy, and I am happy, when I'm with him, and talking with him. I can't be with him tonight, I bribed every family member thirty dollars for a ride to his house this evening, and no one has given in.
I played with the cinnamon sticks in the pot on the woodstove for a while. Setting them ontop of the woodstove, watching and listening to the water sizzle onto the stove, wishing I had the nerve to place my arm on it, or, at least a finger.
Without seeing the green light, I'd push the button on Brigette's game, just for the shock. She was wrong, it doesn't just jump and tickle you. It hurts.
Yesterday was the best day of my life. I'm aware that I've said that more than once. But, it was. I don't remember a point in the day when I wasn't smiling. Even when Mother brought me to her house, and teased me once I told her that I loved Ethan. She claims I don't know what love is.
I do too.
Everyone noticed a change in my attitude. Kaitlin Marji Nikki and Shelley knew right away that Ethan and I were together when I walked into the gym beaming. I suppose it was blantly obvious that I was happy. And I was. More than I've been in my lifetime it's self.
The halftime show was horrible at the game last night. I didn't go up in either of my stunts. Usually I would have pushed my bases away from me and swore loudly. But I got up and laughed and waved to the bleachers.
Why is today so differently? Why am I not happy?
I occassionally smile to myself when I hear Ethan whispering in my ear that he loves me, asking me out , kissing my forehead, cheek, neck.
And then I pout, bite my lip, attempting not to cry, once I realize that I had the chance to spend my New Years with him.
I wish I could stab my family continuously. I would giggle as I did it you know.
Or, I wish I at least had my liscence.
On a more happier note. Ethan and I are official. And I'm afraid.