"Sam, no matter what happens, I will always love you."
It's getting more and more difficult for me to update on a regular basis. With cheering everynight, and dance, and homework, I really don't have much time left on my hands.
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, things that need more considering, others that I shouldn't have to worry about all together.
The college thing seems to be under control, Debbie promissed me she could get me a scholarship for NCA. She claimed she had never promised anyone such a thing before, but she's certain I'll be able to get it. She's never witnessed a cheerleader like me before, she says. Hopefully the scholars will think the same.
If that doesn't work out, I'll have to live on the streets.
With Ethan, in a tent, in New York, playing guitar for money like we planned.
I finally convinced Andy and Josh to join cheering, and it's turning out brilliantly, they're both doing really well, and it's such a help at how strong they both are, they can both put me into a full extension by themselves. It's amazing, we're sure to get high points for that at comps.
I'm working my way to convincing AJ.
Schools been better, I'm getting most of my work done and on time, with the acception of some English Honors work, thanks to my study hall! I've never appreciated a class more.
I've still been confused with my relationship with Ethan and Nathan. And the worst part is, I can't seem to get it off my mind. No matter what I seem to do. I tried writing a list of Advantages and Disadvantages of them both, and it sort of turned out like this.
Ethan: Advantages:
- He has beautiful eyes
- And a body
- Brilliant taste in music
- The lead guitarist of The Flying Haha's
- We've never fought
- I've known him for 9 months
- He loves me
- I can't explain how he makes me feel when I'm with him.
- He makes me laugh, constantly.
Disadvantages:
- He lives so far away
- =I'd barely be able to see him
- I'm still shaky on whether or not I could trust him [the whole cheating on his past girlfriends sort of scares me]
- He's hurt me an awful lot
- He has a lot of girl friends
- I can't explain how he makes me feel when I'm with him.
- I love Nathan
Nathan: Advantages:
- He has beautiful hair
- Beautiful skin
- He's been my best friend for a few months
- He saved my life
- He loves me
- More than I can imagine
- He has an amazing sense of humor
- And cares for me more than anyone ever has
- His little sisters like me
Disadvantages:
- He's still an awkward best friend
- I love Ethan
I know, you're probably rolling your eyes at me this very second, wondering why I don't see to go with Nate, knowing that he doesn't have as much disadvantages as Ethan, and that he is clearly the better choice.
I wish you knew.
If you're up for it. Get at me with advice. It would be greatly appreciated.
[Shane's upset at me again. No surprise there. ]
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