Trying to be symmetric in my moods
Ze lovely English teacher who can't speak English but is still so wonderful.
I have developed a great proneness to feeling oh-so-down in a swinging way ranging from wanting to rip to pieces *everything* that falls in my way or in whose way I wish to fall to just quietly walking down the street and smiling because I'm feeling *so* low for no amazing reason that it's ridiculous.
A lot of people greatly support the theory that if something is wrong and wrong and wrong for a long time then it will just HAVE to take a break from being wrong since all things MUST be balanced. Now I vow neither against nor for since, depending on my mood, I tend to affirm it absolutely true or demanding blind faith. But the point is that sometimes little silly things can fix things one would generally think of as greatly flawed and demanding divine intervention or something of the sort to fix.
I have spent the last few days sulking and sulking and sulking because I can't shake the feeling everyone wants me to. I have also, oh happy time, grown paranoid. I keep on thinking I've said something terrible and forgotten all about it and have taken to re-reading my e-mails so as to make sure I haven't said anything terrible and I have no idea why I care so terribly much. Terrible it is ;).
Everyone is so obsessed with the problems that could occur that I find myself constantly examining in minute detail all the possible tragedies of the world. I have an exceedingly vivid picture of myself some 10 years later having messed up EVERYTHING I possibly could. I didn't have a picture of me having ceased EVERY chance I could though. I have decided that I should give it to myself that that is not fair.
And then there is music. I went to the Zemfira concert with Iana and the only thing I can possibly compare it with right now is the Placebo concert with a lot of chestnut red. Music is the only constantly readily usable method of dealing with Things.
That is my first update in how many months?
They say things will change but nothing will change. :)
I have developed a great proneness to feeling oh-so-down in a swinging way ranging from wanting to rip to pieces *everything* that falls in my way or in whose way I wish to fall to just quietly walking down the street and smiling because I'm feeling *so* low for no amazing reason that it's ridiculous.
A lot of people greatly support the theory that if something is wrong and wrong and wrong for a long time then it will just HAVE to take a break from being wrong since all things MUST be balanced. Now I vow neither against nor for since, depending on my mood, I tend to affirm it absolutely true or demanding blind faith. But the point is that sometimes little silly things can fix things one would generally think of as greatly flawed and demanding divine intervention or something of the sort to fix.
I have spent the last few days sulking and sulking and sulking because I can't shake the feeling everyone wants me to. I have also, oh happy time, grown paranoid. I keep on thinking I've said something terrible and forgotten all about it and have taken to re-reading my e-mails so as to make sure I haven't said anything terrible and I have no idea why I care so terribly much. Terrible it is ;).
Everyone is so obsessed with the problems that could occur that I find myself constantly examining in minute detail all the possible tragedies of the world. I have an exceedingly vivid picture of myself some 10 years later having messed up EVERYTHING I possibly could. I didn't have a picture of me having ceased EVERY chance I could though. I have decided that I should give it to myself that that is not fair.
And then there is music. I went to the Zemfira concert with Iana and the only thing I can possibly compare it with right now is the Placebo concert with a lot of chestnut red. Music is the only constantly readily usable method of dealing with Things.
That is my first update in how many months?
They say things will change but nothing will change. :)