Time passes so strangely...
Can you believe it has been 5 years since my last entry here? I was pretending that I knew what I wanted and I was doing just fine in my life. Truth is I've always tried to force love into my life and I am not patient enough to wait for it. I am always imagining my love life to be more than it is. Now I have gone and made things so complicated and messed up I have no idea how to fix things. All I know is eventually I will have to stop living a lie, right? There is one thing that is real and true and that is my love for my daughter. She is the most beautiful and joyful thing that has ever happened to me. So far motherhood is the only thing that I haven't completely failed at. I want to give her as much as I can of myself and try to make things right with her dad. But I don't know if my heart can ever be repaired. Why does my love have to be so idealistic? Why does it always compare to someone I used to know? Someone I know I wasn't good enough for. Now I'm not good enough for anyone. My heart was broken at such a young age. I wish I could forget that time.