Friend problems or another rant? Sheesh...
Sigh, I'm going to need to delay that reintegration thing I mentioned the other day. I need to deal with something that's been bugging for awhile now before I can do that. Sorry, but it's just something I need to do. I HAVE started reading my friends page again, though, which, while small, is a start.
On a slightly related note... I've recently come to a realization. A very... odd realization. It's a problem I've developed that I didn't even know was possible. What's funny, is before I developed it, I was complaining about the lack of said problem!
What is this realization? It's funny, really. I think I have too many friends.
Yeah... I know.
This is NOT to say that I want to lose some (though my behavior sometimes (including recently) would seem to contradict that). It's just that I can't really handle so many friends at once.
Before a year ago, I really just had a small handful. The major ones being Guin, Mist, and my Magic friends, along with a bunch of other people online (But those were the major ones). There was also stuff like CMC (which I was over with more than a year ago, but who's counting), I had a few friends there, and WoW, I had a few friends there, but they were all fairly minor friends and I don't stay in contact with any of them anymore. Back then,
Now the list of major friends is about 3 times as large. Guin, Chibi, Rel, cerise, Haplo, The magic guys, and the Wow Crowd are all people I'd consider major friends. Add to that the other denizens of #thetick and #ponymagic, not to mention the Valkyrie Legend crew (I know I haven't been around, like I said, I'm getting to it...), and, of course, the people who read this journal (including the one or two acquaintances I picked up who came across this journal recently via Guin's) who weren't mentioned, and my friends list is much higher than it once was.
And I just can't always interact with all of them. It sucks... I really don't know how to handle it, which is why I panic and make a big deal about it when I really shouldn't.
And, of course, there's the freaking summer curse.
I don't know what it is, but around the summertime, I usually start to grow apathetic about internet friends. I stop reading my journal. I stop posting (though more recently, that's been a year long problem >_>). I more or less... don't communicate with people at all for a month or so.
Sound familiar? Yeah, it happened just a bit ago, didn't it?
Fun fact: I was actually fighting it this year. I mean, I started feeling the effects about right after I chewed Guin out about a very similar thing. It would have been real lame of me to succumb to it.
SO what happened? My mac died and I went into a slump of depression, since most of my life revolved around the mac. Including talking to people. I've only recently come out of it (when I made that post like a month ago), and, am still feeling it's effects. Though I am fighting it.
Then there's another thing that's been bugging me for awhile, I think. You may have noticed it above, actually. See the lists of major friends? See who's on the first list and not on the second? Yeah. My former best friend.
See, I thought he wasn't my best friend over the winter, right? I was wrong. He wasn't my best friend for longer than that. Long distance relationship, you know? Oh, we both thought we were still best friends. He may even think it now. But we really weren't. We were in name only, really.
Now, my definition of best friend is apparently different from some people's, so let me elaborate it. There are really 3 conditions. 1) You need to consider your best friend your best friend. 2) Your best friend needs to consider you HIS best friend. 3) You need to act like best friends (this is different in different cases, but I still think the point is clear?) Mist broke condition 3 long before I broke condition 1. I don't know about condition 2 since I never told him about condition 2.
Anyway, I am best friendless, currently, and it's been slowly eating away at me because I don't have someone I can always talk to anymore. I have quite a few friends I can talk to in MOST circumstances, but no one I can talk to in just about all anymore. So I've been kind of latching on to people. For awhile, it was Guin. Then it was Chibi since he was new and I had more things to talk about with him. Then it kind of fluctuated between the two a bit, and now it's Chibi again. The major problem with having Chibi act as my psuedo best friend, and Guin too, actually, is they usually have someone else to talk to. Especially now with Chibi since he found a new friend who he crushes on HARD and loves talking to. I won't deny I am jealous, but I'm mostly happy for him. And I often can't hold a conversation for long, which always saddens me because I like talking. I just often have nothing to say =\ And a lot of the time neither of them offers anything for me to springboard off of, so it's difficult to hold a conversation for me. I've been trying harder lately, though, but I don't know if that's out of clinginess and desperation to talk to someone or because I'm genuinely more interested or what...
Mist and I, though, could talk for freaking hours without missing a beat. This is because we often weren't talking to anyone else while doing it, so it was much easier. We don't talk much anymore, though, but that's mostly cause of me wanting to sever most ties with a traitor and stuff >_>
ANYWAY! I think I'll stop rambling about this for now. It's mostly just whining, I know, but I want to get it off my chest. And heck, that's what an emo jou-, er, live journal is for, right? >_>
OTHER NEWS! I have undertaken the task to watch all of BLEACH, since I've wanted to for at least a year now and keep forgetting and finally remembered when my sister was watching the third episode and I went "Hey, I wonder if I can youTube that? AND IT LOOKS LIKE I CAN! Mostly, anyway. Episode 11 is kind of weird. There's 3 english subs uploaded onto the sight, but one of is missing part 2 and two are missing part 1... And the part ones both end about 2 minutes before part 2 starts. So I had to watch those missing two minutes in GERMAN, which I don't understand enough, but I could get the jist of it from the video ^_^
Also, I am playing FFIX again. I know I said this again, BUT OMG FFIX ^_^
On a slightly related note... I've recently come to a realization. A very... odd realization. It's a problem I've developed that I didn't even know was possible. What's funny, is before I developed it, I was complaining about the lack of said problem!
What is this realization? It's funny, really. I think I have too many friends.
Yeah... I know.
This is NOT to say that I want to lose some (though my behavior sometimes (including recently) would seem to contradict that). It's just that I can't really handle so many friends at once.
Before a year ago, I really just had a small handful. The major ones being Guin, Mist, and my Magic friends, along with a bunch of other people online (But those were the major ones). There was also stuff like CMC (which I was over with more than a year ago, but who's counting), I had a few friends there, and WoW, I had a few friends there, but they were all fairly minor friends and I don't stay in contact with any of them anymore. Back then,
Now the list of major friends is about 3 times as large. Guin, Chibi, Rel, cerise, Haplo, The magic guys, and the Wow Crowd are all people I'd consider major friends. Add to that the other denizens of #thetick and #ponymagic, not to mention the Valkyrie Legend crew (I know I haven't been around, like I said, I'm getting to it...), and, of course, the people who read this journal (including the one or two acquaintances I picked up who came across this journal recently via Guin's) who weren't mentioned, and my friends list is much higher than it once was.
And I just can't always interact with all of them. It sucks... I really don't know how to handle it, which is why I panic and make a big deal about it when I really shouldn't.
And, of course, there's the freaking summer curse.
I don't know what it is, but around the summertime, I usually start to grow apathetic about internet friends. I stop reading my journal. I stop posting (though more recently, that's been a year long problem >_>). I more or less... don't communicate with people at all for a month or so.
Sound familiar? Yeah, it happened just a bit ago, didn't it?
Fun fact: I was actually fighting it this year. I mean, I started feeling the effects about right after I chewed Guin out about a very similar thing. It would have been real lame of me to succumb to it.
SO what happened? My mac died and I went into a slump of depression, since most of my life revolved around the mac. Including talking to people. I've only recently come out of it (when I made that post like a month ago), and, am still feeling it's effects. Though I am fighting it.
Then there's another thing that's been bugging me for awhile, I think. You may have noticed it above, actually. See the lists of major friends? See who's on the first list and not on the second? Yeah. My former best friend.
See, I thought he wasn't my best friend over the winter, right? I was wrong. He wasn't my best friend for longer than that. Long distance relationship, you know? Oh, we both thought we were still best friends. He may even think it now. But we really weren't. We were in name only, really.
Now, my definition of best friend is apparently different from some people's, so let me elaborate it. There are really 3 conditions. 1) You need to consider your best friend your best friend. 2) Your best friend needs to consider you HIS best friend. 3) You need to act like best friends (this is different in different cases, but I still think the point is clear?) Mist broke condition 3 long before I broke condition 1. I don't know about condition 2 since I never told him about condition 2.
Anyway, I am best friendless, currently, and it's been slowly eating away at me because I don't have someone I can always talk to anymore. I have quite a few friends I can talk to in MOST circumstances, but no one I can talk to in just about all anymore. So I've been kind of latching on to people. For awhile, it was Guin. Then it was Chibi since he was new and I had more things to talk about with him. Then it kind of fluctuated between the two a bit, and now it's Chibi again. The major problem with having Chibi act as my psuedo best friend, and Guin too, actually, is they usually have someone else to talk to. Especially now with Chibi since he found a new friend who he crushes on HARD and loves talking to. I won't deny I am jealous, but I'm mostly happy for him. And I often can't hold a conversation for long, which always saddens me because I like talking. I just often have nothing to say =\ And a lot of the time neither of them offers anything for me to springboard off of, so it's difficult to hold a conversation for me. I've been trying harder lately, though, but I don't know if that's out of clinginess and desperation to talk to someone or because I'm genuinely more interested or what...
Mist and I, though, could talk for freaking hours without missing a beat. This is because we often weren't talking to anyone else while doing it, so it was much easier. We don't talk much anymore, though, but that's mostly cause of me wanting to sever most ties with a traitor and stuff >_>
ANYWAY! I think I'll stop rambling about this for now. It's mostly just whining, I know, but I want to get it off my chest. And heck, that's what an emo jou-, er, live journal is for, right? >_>
OTHER NEWS! I have undertaken the task to watch all of BLEACH, since I've wanted to for at least a year now and keep forgetting and finally remembered when my sister was watching the third episode and I went "Hey, I wonder if I can youTube that? AND IT LOOKS LIKE I CAN! Mostly, anyway. Episode 11 is kind of weird. There's 3 english subs uploaded onto the sight, but one of is missing part 2 and two are missing part 1... And the part ones both end about 2 minutes before part 2 starts. So I had to watch those missing two minutes in GERMAN, which I don't understand enough, but I could get the jist of it from the video ^_^
Also, I am playing FFIX again. I know I said this again, BUT OMG FFIX ^_^