(no subject)
well, I don't feel nauseous anymore. I fell asleep for a little while downstairs while my husband was playing one of those games he likes on the PS3, I went down there just to be near him and ended up closing my eyes because the nausea had been going on for the better part of yesterday.
He woke me up to come upstairs and go to bed, but now I've gotten up again because it is very apparent that I am too restless to sleep.
Restless and unhappy, I seem to be stuck in a loop that I'm having a HARD time getting out of. This is years and years of buildup. I'm unhappy about things I cannot control. I'm unhappy about the past, the present and the inevitable encounters I will have with people in the future.
I'm tired and I don't have anyone to talk to who would really understand this. I don't have it in me to burden anyone that doesn't understand with my issues because it isn't like there's a solution to it that doesn't involve me becoming a less conscious/aware person and in the end it would probably make someone else feel guilty for no good reason or attempt to explain away my state of being.
Maybe I just need to cry it out, maybe that will help me. I'm so frustrated.
3:56AM- I've cried as much as my body will let me, and I'm going to try to go to sleep again. I don't feel like drawing at all, though originally when I got up, I figured that is what I would do, I just don't have it in me anymore.
He woke me up to come upstairs and go to bed, but now I've gotten up again because it is very apparent that I am too restless to sleep.
Restless and unhappy, I seem to be stuck in a loop that I'm having a HARD time getting out of. This is years and years of buildup. I'm unhappy about things I cannot control. I'm unhappy about the past, the present and the inevitable encounters I will have with people in the future.
I'm tired and I don't have anyone to talk to who would really understand this. I don't have it in me to burden anyone that doesn't understand with my issues because it isn't like there's a solution to it that doesn't involve me becoming a less conscious/aware person and in the end it would probably make someone else feel guilty for no good reason or attempt to explain away my state of being.
Maybe I just need to cry it out, maybe that will help me. I'm so frustrated.
3:56AM- I've cried as much as my body will let me, and I'm going to try to go to sleep again. I don't feel like drawing at all, though originally when I got up, I figured that is what I would do, I just don't have it in me anymore.