(no subject)
Well, it's been a LONG time since I've updated this. Since then, I've changed and grown up a hell of a lot. I realized what a dumbass I was about ALL the crap with Anthony. Seriously.. What.. The.. FUCK?! I was one DUMB kid.. Anyhow, that was a long time ago now. Let's see.. Got used a couple times in May '06 for sex, that was great (Ha..). Long time ago, I'm over it. Don't really remember the summer, because nothing really happened, as usual. None of my friends cared to hang out with me, so we didn't. Started school in August as usual, pretty much alone again. Made some new friends, lost plenty. Same old, same old. Made a complete idiot about myself in my Drama class. My 'first love', Lee, came back into my life after a 5 year absense. We rushed into a relationship, assuming each other were the same as we had been as kids. That relationship, well.. SUCKED. I loved him, I'm still not sure he loved me. The way it looks, he used me for sexual favors. He wasn't considerate of me, he didn't think about how I'd feel if he did or said certain things, and when they upset me n we talked about it, he blew it off, or put the blame on me, and made ME seem like the bad guy in it. I turned 18 in January, and moved in with Lee and his mom n brother - Obviously, before we broke up. But, on January 10, a man I had fallen for upon meeting him, and fallen in love with along the line, who became my best friend, Graham.. Well, on that day, we finally admit to each other how we felt. Since meeting him, I'd thought I would never have a chance with him, because he's 8 years older than me, and, as everyone knows, I have low self esteem. I couldn't see why he would want me. Sometimes I still don't, but then I realize - Well, I'll get to that in a few minutes, I have to finish this part first. Anyhow, while I was elated at hearing that he really DID care about me, too, that put us in a very confusing situation, as Lee and Graham are close friends, too. Well, from January 10th, on, we hung out and met in secret, doing anything to be able to be alone together. We'd go to the beach or the boat dock, and sit in the freezing cold and gusting winds, shaking from the cold, just to hold each other. Anyhow.. I told Lee about it, as gently as I could, and he actually took it damn well. We broke up, officially, on February 17th, so Graham and I could openly be together. That night, I went to his concert in Vierra. I left it up to him to choose when he would be open around people about US (Because, not only was the situation complicated due to Graham n Lee's friendship, but the fact that they have mostly the same friends, and most of the friends, including them ALL work at the same place. On top of that, I'm Graham's first - and last - girlfriend ^__^). So, for the first part of the concert, I stood a few feet from him at all times, just standing in the background, and being trampled by everyone in the bar, unnoticed. Eventually, I convinced him that no one was looking, and to just kiss me, because the only one who COULD have seen was Scott, and he didn't care, he already knew about us. So he did, quickly, and not even Scott saw. Later, though, he was a bit more open, and I cuddled up to him sitting on a pool table with him, and so on. At the end of the concert, after one of the vocalists of another band getting drunk off his ass for his birthday, and falling and tearing a ligament in his leg, and one short, weird guy hitting on me (I simply said "I'm with the drummer" and pointed to Graham, who's about 6'9", and, between his size and the fact that if you mess with any of the bands' girlfriends, you're gonna be fucked by all the bands present, the guy backed off).. Anyhow, at the end, everyone was standing around in front of the stage, just talking, and I pulled Graham down by his shirt, and kissed him. Some people started cheering, so Graham n I looked around, not wanting to miss whatever was going on. .. Turned out, the cheering was for us. I turned bright red, and buried my head in his chest. One of the guys in his band said something along the lines of the earth shaking from the magnitude of that action. Lol. Yeah, I was embarassed, but didn't really care. ^__^ ANYHOW! It's been a while since then. I love Graham more than I ever knew was possible, and I know I'll have a wonderful future with him. A lot has happened in our lives, and in our relationship, but the bumps in the road won't detur me. I love him, that will never change. He's perfect for me, and me for him. We make each other happier than we could have imagined. He's everything I had EVER wanted, and more. He's funny, he's VERY sweet, he's talented, he's attractive, he's romantic, he's a gentlmen. Long ago, I'd resigned myself to the "fact" that I would have to settle for semi-happiness, with a guy I cared about, but who would never treat me very well. Graham has proven that wrong. He treats me perfectly. He's modest, and he had very low self esteem, but we're working on that for each other. He worries about being able to take care of me, but I know we'll be able to pull through anything. We have rough plans to get married (In other words, we know we will, but we aren't going to rush anything - We'll know when the time is right, whether next week, next month, or next year). We both have goals we'll keep striving to achieve whether we're dating, engaged, married, or with a family. No matter what, we'll continue to support each other in those dreams. I truly love this man, with everything that I am. Well, for other news from my life.. I went to Bike Week with Graham and his friends, and about halfway back, I find out Lee's mom kicked me out of their house. So, I cried, imagining the worst about having to move back into my parents' house. Between Graham, Lee, and I, we postponed that as long as possible, so I wouldn't have to deal with it, and so that I could go to Graham's concert on March 24th. Well, my father told me that I won't have extreme rules when I move back, primarily just a curfew until I graduate. He said "You think you're an adult, so.." and shrugged. I guess he's testing me. But I've finally given up on striving to please him, because it's impossible to do that, especially if I ever want to be happy. Well, on February 15th, my brother, David, was arrested for VoP, and that left my baby nephews with David's wife, who is a HORRIBLE mother, to say the least. Well, David had an arraignment on the 26th, but it turned out, that was completely pointless. It didn't even happen. So he's in for at LEAST another 2 months, until his hearing sometime in May. He may be in PRISON for a YEAR, to get rid of the last few years of his probation. But, that leaves my nephews, now 2 and 3, with their mom for that whole time.. Anyhow, I'm freezing cold, and neglecting Graham by writing this, so I'm stopping for now. I'll write more later, though no one has read this thing for literally years. Graham will be soon, though. I started reading his, and pondering things on it, but I won't get into that. I love you, Graham, with everything that I am, and I always will. You'll never lose me. I could never go back to the life I had before you.....