Prompt 11/15 - Guilt
Title: Sad Apologies
Rating: General
Spoilers: Utopia, and the end of Season 1 with Rose and the 9th Doctor. Set in that episode, about three minutes in.
Characters: Jack Harkness, 10th Doctor.
**
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
And the sad part is, I don’t even know, exactly, what it is that I am apologizing for. Oh, there are a whole host of things that that man deserves an apology from me about.
I’m sorry that brought you into this life of danger and magic and boxes that are bigger on the inside and running for your life from every horrible creature out there that screams for my blood.
I’m sorry that I’m not the Doctor you remember, that that man is long dead and gone, and I’m nothing, well, not a lot like him, and this is going to hurt you, like it does every other Companion that crosses paths with multiple me’s.
I’m sorry that Rose is gone, and that just thinking her name rips another hole in my bleeding hearts, that talking about her is going to slowly kill me one day, and that even if I wanted to, the merest mention of her name sends Martha into a snit, so there’s no support there, and you remind me of her with your very presence, of what she did for you, what the Bad Wolf did to you.
I’m sorry that I, well, my Tardis, dragged you through the vortex to this, the end of the Universe with a capital E, making me even wonder if we’ll be able to leave it and go back to civilization, or will this be It, the end of the line, the last stop, finite?
I’m sorry that I ran, that I panicked while I was dying, yeah, I could have waited those few seconds, but I was panicking, and the whole nature of panic is that you aren’t in the right frame of mind, and mine was literally melting in my head, so, but I could have gone back, but you know as well as anyone, I never, ever, ever, go back. I can’t.
I’m sorry that I can only say those words aloud when you are dead, and can’t hear me, and the wrongness that is you isn’t so strong, but it’s building and my nerves are aching, everything inside me is tightening in flee or fear or attack or run or scream or do something, but I can’t do that to you again, I can’t, so it takes everything in me just to stand perfectly still, answer quickly, answer harshly, because if I give longer answers, I’ll lose you forever.
I’m so, so sorry, Jack.
Rating: General
Spoilers: Utopia, and the end of Season 1 with Rose and the 9th Doctor. Set in that episode, about three minutes in.
Characters: Jack Harkness, 10th Doctor.
**
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
And the sad part is, I don’t even know, exactly, what it is that I am apologizing for. Oh, there are a whole host of things that that man deserves an apology from me about.
I’m sorry that brought you into this life of danger and magic and boxes that are bigger on the inside and running for your life from every horrible creature out there that screams for my blood.
I’m sorry that I’m not the Doctor you remember, that that man is long dead and gone, and I’m nothing, well, not a lot like him, and this is going to hurt you, like it does every other Companion that crosses paths with multiple me’s.
I’m sorry that Rose is gone, and that just thinking her name rips another hole in my bleeding hearts, that talking about her is going to slowly kill me one day, and that even if I wanted to, the merest mention of her name sends Martha into a snit, so there’s no support there, and you remind me of her with your very presence, of what she did for you, what the Bad Wolf did to you.
I’m sorry that I, well, my Tardis, dragged you through the vortex to this, the end of the Universe with a capital E, making me even wonder if we’ll be able to leave it and go back to civilization, or will this be It, the end of the line, the last stop, finite?
I’m sorry that I ran, that I panicked while I was dying, yeah, I could have waited those few seconds, but I was panicking, and the whole nature of panic is that you aren’t in the right frame of mind, and mine was literally melting in my head, so, but I could have gone back, but you know as well as anyone, I never, ever, ever, go back. I can’t.
I’m sorry that I can only say those words aloud when you are dead, and can’t hear me, and the wrongness that is you isn’t so strong, but it’s building and my nerves are aching, everything inside me is tightening in flee or fear or attack or run or scream or do something, but I can’t do that to you again, I can’t, so it takes everything in me just to stand perfectly still, answer quickly, answer harshly, because if I give longer answers, I’ll lose you forever.
I’m so, so sorry, Jack.