50 Shades Log: Anastasia Steele - Elizabeth Bennett she ain't
So I've taken it upon myself to read 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight, and see if 50 Shades really is Twilight fanfic with Bella and Edward's names cut and pasted with Ana and Christian's. Also, I'm always dissing the two of them, but haven't actually read the books and it's not cool to knock it before you've tried it.
Technically, I should read Twilight first, but 50 Shades is "in" at the moment and more ... Pop-culturally relevant at the moment. Besides, a few people I know have described Twilight as like reading bad fanfic, which would make 50 Shades fanfic of bad fanfic, so it shouldn't matter which I read first because the two are interchangeable.
I also just realized I am voluntarily reading fanfic of bad fanfic ... (-_________-) oh, god what am I doing! So, without further ado, here is the first entry of my 50 Shades Reading Log.
Entry 1: In which Ana and Christian first meet and have an interview
I got half-way through the interview, yelled "Oh my god, it's like listening to Siri interview Stephen Hawking! I can't take this dialogue anymore!". The sad fact is, I'm only 15 pages in. I've since texted my reaction to friends who've read the book and they're replies we're a unanimous "LOL, it gets worse".
Basically the dialogue is as follows:
Ana asks a question.
Christian answers and is smug.
Ana is take aback/reluctantly checks him out/can't figure out why he is so unnerving/thinks he is a control freak.
Ana asks another question.
And repeat.
And that's it so far. I got as far as Christian finding out Ana isn't really a journalist, but cancels his meeting to get to know her. There is absolutely no spark whatsoever in this dialogue. I've always loved dialogue because that's where I can most easily visualise the characters. If I have no description of them, I base my impression on what they say and imagine how they say it, their oral nuances, letting their personality seep through and hearing their voices in my mind. I learn more about a character through their words, and know their voices long before I can see the characters themselves.
Which is why this dialogue was just so bland and stilted. There was no charm in it whatsoever, no subtlety. I mean, Wall-E and EVE had better dialogue (and a hell of a lot more charm), and they were mostly just repeating each other's names. In a movie that starts out with 40 minutes of silence! In 50 Shades, we know Ana thinks Christian is creepy and a control freak, but is also in awe of him despite herself. We know this because she's said so several times within 3 pages. And where there was potential for banter - FUN, intellectually stimulating banter in which the heroine challenges the hero's world view - Ana chickens out and asks another question.
Maybe I like my female protagonists to have a backbone and actual conversational skills. I mean, Ana is in college and living with a roommate who obviously has a strong personality. Even if she was a pushover to begin with, she should have developed some backbone by now.
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