I am the Little Choo Choo the Could
I am once again back at home. I spent a good needed holidayish time with family up north, and have come back feeling.. not refreshed per say.. but at least still standing on my own two feet.
Life has been quite hard for me lately, in ways which not everyone knows about, but I have been trudging along, and have had support of those in the know which has made it possible for me to keep my composure, even if barely.
I made a big choice earlier and things in my life did not pan out AT ALL how I wanted them too. It was heartbreaking, and I am still wounded by the big NO that was thrown at me, and those on the other side of the situation are also torn up about it as well, tears, anger and such were a biggie, and even now I still have instances of pure frustration and the feeling of helplessness. But, this happened because there are other things I am supposed to be doing.
Bottom line: I just never thought I would leadd my life like this.. and it is hard to realize it is my own life at times.. and now I have to hold that thought in my minds eye while I face the rampage from outside parties about the choices I have made lately.
I got a big picker uper though these past two weeks. First, my sister Sekai came to visit me and was there to let me just be me, and didn't put pressure on me to be active or try to talk, and she was there for me when I broke down and just had to scream at something, nothing in particular.. but I just needed a target for my woes. I am so happy she was there to just hug me and let me feel without intruding. She and I went out to an AMAZING Japanese dinner, which was sooo yummy. I tell you, people woudl KILL over that miso... mmmm
I also, as mentioned above went back "home for the holidays" and even though I was mostly gloomy and turning in resumes and such, I did help with some cookie bakage, and got to snuggle with all the cute animalses!! It was a good smile maker, and I returned home after seeing a doctor, and here I am. I am a little, well a lot sick.. so that is meh.. but I have time to try and recoup now, sitting in my warm house, looking out the lake with patches of snow here and there.
Michael also sent me the Dark Knight dvd! I was wanting to watch it, and BAM! He sent a great card and gift, I was so happy. We had a nice long conversation on teh phone today as well, he can always make me smile no matter what.. his good mood is so contagious!
From here it is an uphill battle.. but I have to focus on my health, my emotions and my life goals for now.
Now to wait for Alaska..