FIC: So Much To Remember
Summary: First it was the Tenth Doctor and sharing his pain through unexpected intimacy. Then the Eleventh with his initial jealousy and then closeness again because that's who they were.
Rating: T for what's really a mild description of what happened physically.
Note: Canon Compliant; at least it could have happened. :)
She woke up in their bed on the Tardis alone. She had expected that. She went into their en suite and showered. She took the time to lather herself everywhere to remove the scent and sweat of what happened the night before. The feel of the soft towel on her body wouldn’t let her stay away from the memories of skin on skin and groans growing into shouts. She really was quite the screamer. It turned out, so was he.
The Tardis pulled her wardrobe from their room in the future and she chose something -- well not demure, but something safe.
He cleared his throat behind her, bless him. He couldn’t sound more awkward with that small sound.
He wasn’t fully dressed yet, maybe because she had still been asleep in their bed. No, not yet theirs, his bed. He had probably woken up and fled at the sight of her tangled in the sheets, bare body there and tousled curls against the pillows. His dark brown hair was already spiked, but he only wore a shirt with yet another pair of pinstriped pants. He was missing his converse to cover his bare feet and the jacket to complete his suit.
He wanted her to leave. Last night he hadn't; last night he clutched her against him. He already hurt and he hurt and he hurt inside. He could see the pain waiting for him in the future, even though he didn’t know the details of it. He buried himself inside her; not just physically because he already recognized her sensuality and how she was already important. He gave her the ache eating at him, so she would take it and hold it. Not away from him, but to share it so he wasn’t alone.
She never expected it, but she welcomed it, not just for the chance to be with him this young but already old and growing older. Not just for the pleasure, but because she could bear his pain. She always could for him. The broken Doctor, crippled and damaged for the fourth time. She took the shattering pieces, held them together, as they gave each other bliss during the night. It already started to be their bed.
Now in the light of the Tardis created day, she would have spared him trying to be polite, but she needed to stay even with Donna waking up somewhere in the ship. She couldn’t let him remember last night and he knew it.
“River.”
She dared to put her gentle fingers against his lips. “Hush, Sweetie.”
He let her slip into his mind. He would have flinched if he had lived the time with Donna and the Time Lord energy in her brain. Instead, he just waited for what had to happen. At least until he recognized what was in her own mind. Not just River Song, but Melody Pond of people named Amy and Rory, and of his beloved Tardis. The touch of someone like him that he hadn’t felt in too long.
“River.”
But he couldn’t know Melody now. He couldn’t even really know River Song. He had to live the years in between here and there.
She pulled her fingers from his mind like a gasp at what she suddenly thought and she smiled gently. “It’s going to be alright, Doctor. Try to find a way to trust me.”
She touched him again before he could answer. She was afraid he would say no.
She hurriedly put on her vortex manipulator, but took one last look where he sat on the bed where she had put him. His eyes were closed and wouldn’t open for another minute. She gave herself that much time after affecting his memories. Then she ran away.
Stormcage and her cell were the same. They always were. She quickly shed what she was wearing for her prison uniform. She just finished when the Tardis landed outside the bars. He stepped out with bowtie and braces. His hair held gel, but the quif still flopped down. Older version then or at least somewhere in the middle after Area 52.
“River Song!” He spun, grinned, and slipped his hands into his pockets. “Get out of that cell. Time and space await.”
That was the best offer she heard all day. She scooped up her diary and was ready to ask him where he had last seen her. But his grin faded. He replaced it with a clenched jaw and a dark look she hadn’t seen aimed at her in a blissfully long time.
He soniced the door and flung it open so hard that it creaked on its hinges, and snapped back at a fast speed. He was quicker. His hand grabbed and gripped the bars like it was someone’s neck. His arm stayed stiff and he blocked her exit. She worriedly wondered if it was deliberate.
“Who was it, River?” That voice made people fear the storm he showed them, but she was a long way from the top of a pyramid where Amy taught her young daughter had to stand toe to toe with him. Even with him this enraged.
“What are you talking about?” She honestly had no idea.
He took a hard step inside and jabbed a finger down on her collarbone. “Who gave you this?”
She looked down to the spot where he touched and could just see the bruise peeking out. A love bite. If she had looked in the mirror this morning, she would have known it was there. She would have not put on the prison grey and black tank top that exposed it, just in case he had shown up like he had.
“Sweetie, you have to listen to me.”
“Don’t say Sweetie. Not now! Who. Gave. You. That?”
She couldn’t tell if he was madder at her or the lover he imagined. They were probably both in danger, even though the other person didn’t exist.
“Doctor. It was you.”
“Don’t lie, River. I won’t listen to lies. I don’t leave marks that show. I can’t, not when you see my younger versions. Neither of us can and that’s not going to change in our futures. Who was it, River?”
“It was you. You have to listen!” What she said next was a verbal code. It served as a key to the lock around the memory. It had to be words she would never put together normally. “Chocolate, Cestuebos, chest and hips.”
He blinked and then his eyes widened. He shifted on his feet as he remembered all the details. “It was me.”
“Yes, it was.” She didn’t touch him yet. She didn’t know if he was ready for that and she wasn’t sure what to say next. The way he looked made what happened a delicate subject. She decided to settle on the afterwards. “I couldn’t wipe the memories.”
“Because you thought I should remember after all.”
“Because of Donna,” she corrected. “I’m sorry.”
He sank down on her cot and took a beat before he gave her a half-hearted smile. “I always wonder why the bed doesn’t creak. It looks like it should.”
“Doctor.” She knelt down in front of him and cupped his face. She wondered if he would push her away. “Please. You can’t be upset. It was you. It’s always you.”
The storm drained away. “I know.”
“Do you? Do you, really?” Her eyes flicked back and forth between his. “I wouldn’t be jealous if you found a way to be with me in my last body.”
The smile got sadder. “I’m not jealous. It’s not why -- it’s not why I’m this. I hurt so much then. You were there for me. You always are, River.”
“Then why?”
“...Donna.” He cupped her face too, but with one hand unlike her. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I kept you from Donna.”
“Because I never meet her?”
Because she had and didn’t know Donna on sight.
“It just.. it makes me remember -- everything.”
She moved his knees apart so she could move in and press against him. That included her forehead to his. “I am sorry.”
He leaned in more and closed his eyes as the answer he didn’t give in words. The seconds lasted emotionally as minutes until he opened his eyes. He gave a little tap of his fingers against her cheek, like a quiet knock on a door, so she opened her eyes too. She kept her head against his. His lips moved into a quirk now.
“So me with your last body is okay?”
“You bad boy.” She smirked back even though she reminded him of the obvious truth of her younger days. “If you can find a way to not trigger me into killing you. We’ve done that enough, Sweetie.”
The guards would be here any minute now, not that they cared. But he was the dead man she murdered, so it was better if he wasn’t found sitting in her cell. She stood up and held out her hand.
“C’mon, old man. Time for a night in.”
He followed the tug of her hand to his feet. She walked backwards to the Tardis so their eyes stayed on each other.
His mouth still played at grinning. “Don’t be surprised if I find a way to go back to your last regeneration.”
Her smile was a quiet laugh. “It was a great body. So if you find a way, enjoy yourself.”
The sound of boots hitting the floor came from further down the corridor as the guards ran towards them. It didn’t matter.
“You know, you were right.”
He beamed. “I always am.”
She snorted at that. “I couldn’t let you remember. You had to think your first kiss was after America. I couldn’t think it wasn’t the first.I know you didn’t lie about it. I’m old enough to read when you’re lying. But I did want you to remember as soon as it was safe.”
The Tardis doors closed behind them and the ship melted away.
He reappeared at her cell in what was a month for him and gave her a smirk. “Jammie Dodger, Titan IV, fingers and toes.”
The memory unlocked in her mind at his vocal key code. He leaned forward and bopped her on the nose. “I found a way.”
Her eyes held devilment as she thought of her dark skin moving against his light one and the sounds they had made against each other’s mouths. “Naughty.”
He snapped his lapels. “Yeah, it was. You were right, it was a great body. Lots of fun. You always got great regenerations, even the innocent first one. Ooo, I’m never saying that again. Can’t include the original Melody when we’re talking about what we are. And you were right. I couldn’t let you think your first kiss, your first time with me, wasn’t the first.”
“I’m always right.”
He leaned in so he looked at her through his bangs. “Except when I am. So, what do you think of a trip to Foalara? Great view from any every meadow. Blue grass under blue skies. A night in while we’re outside.”
Her wicked look spread across her expression and she took both of his hands. “A night in while we're outside, old man.”
He walked backwards so they stayed looking at each other with all that warmth and promise.
The guards ran down the hall to Cell 426, but it didn’t matter. The Tardis doors closed and they melted away.
Rating: T for what's really a mild description of what happened physically.
Note: Canon Compliant; at least it could have happened. :)
She woke up in their bed on the Tardis alone. She had expected that. She went into their en suite and showered. She took the time to lather herself everywhere to remove the scent and sweat of what happened the night before. The feel of the soft towel on her body wouldn’t let her stay away from the memories of skin on skin and groans growing into shouts. She really was quite the screamer. It turned out, so was he.
The Tardis pulled her wardrobe from their room in the future and she chose something -- well not demure, but something safe.
He cleared his throat behind her, bless him. He couldn’t sound more awkward with that small sound.
He wasn’t fully dressed yet, maybe because she had still been asleep in their bed. No, not yet theirs, his bed. He had probably woken up and fled at the sight of her tangled in the sheets, bare body there and tousled curls against the pillows. His dark brown hair was already spiked, but he only wore a shirt with yet another pair of pinstriped pants. He was missing his converse to cover his bare feet and the jacket to complete his suit.
He wanted her to leave. Last night he hadn't; last night he clutched her against him. He already hurt and he hurt and he hurt inside. He could see the pain waiting for him in the future, even though he didn’t know the details of it. He buried himself inside her; not just physically because he already recognized her sensuality and how she was already important. He gave her the ache eating at him, so she would take it and hold it. Not away from him, but to share it so he wasn’t alone.
She never expected it, but she welcomed it, not just for the chance to be with him this young but already old and growing older. Not just for the pleasure, but because she could bear his pain. She always could for him. The broken Doctor, crippled and damaged for the fourth time. She took the shattering pieces, held them together, as they gave each other bliss during the night. It already started to be their bed.
Now in the light of the Tardis created day, she would have spared him trying to be polite, but she needed to stay even with Donna waking up somewhere in the ship. She couldn’t let him remember last night and he knew it.
“River.”
She dared to put her gentle fingers against his lips. “Hush, Sweetie.”
He let her slip into his mind. He would have flinched if he had lived the time with Donna and the Time Lord energy in her brain. Instead, he just waited for what had to happen. At least until he recognized what was in her own mind. Not just River Song, but Melody Pond of people named Amy and Rory, and of his beloved Tardis. The touch of someone like him that he hadn’t felt in too long.
“River.”
But he couldn’t know Melody now. He couldn’t even really know River Song. He had to live the years in between here and there.
She pulled her fingers from his mind like a gasp at what she suddenly thought and she smiled gently. “It’s going to be alright, Doctor. Try to find a way to trust me.”
She touched him again before he could answer. She was afraid he would say no.
She hurriedly put on her vortex manipulator, but took one last look where he sat on the bed where she had put him. His eyes were closed and wouldn’t open for another minute. She gave herself that much time after affecting his memories. Then she ran away.
Stormcage and her cell were the same. They always were. She quickly shed what she was wearing for her prison uniform. She just finished when the Tardis landed outside the bars. He stepped out with bowtie and braces. His hair held gel, but the quif still flopped down. Older version then or at least somewhere in the middle after Area 52.
“River Song!” He spun, grinned, and slipped his hands into his pockets. “Get out of that cell. Time and space await.”
That was the best offer she heard all day. She scooped up her diary and was ready to ask him where he had last seen her. But his grin faded. He replaced it with a clenched jaw and a dark look she hadn’t seen aimed at her in a blissfully long time.
He soniced the door and flung it open so hard that it creaked on its hinges, and snapped back at a fast speed. He was quicker. His hand grabbed and gripped the bars like it was someone’s neck. His arm stayed stiff and he blocked her exit. She worriedly wondered if it was deliberate.
“Who was it, River?” That voice made people fear the storm he showed them, but she was a long way from the top of a pyramid where Amy taught her young daughter had to stand toe to toe with him. Even with him this enraged.
“What are you talking about?” She honestly had no idea.
He took a hard step inside and jabbed a finger down on her collarbone. “Who gave you this?”
She looked down to the spot where he touched and could just see the bruise peeking out. A love bite. If she had looked in the mirror this morning, she would have known it was there. She would have not put on the prison grey and black tank top that exposed it, just in case he had shown up like he had.
“Sweetie, you have to listen to me.”
“Don’t say Sweetie. Not now! Who. Gave. You. That?”
She couldn’t tell if he was madder at her or the lover he imagined. They were probably both in danger, even though the other person didn’t exist.
“Doctor. It was you.”
“Don’t lie, River. I won’t listen to lies. I don’t leave marks that show. I can’t, not when you see my younger versions. Neither of us can and that’s not going to change in our futures. Who was it, River?”
“It was you. You have to listen!” What she said next was a verbal code. It served as a key to the lock around the memory. It had to be words she would never put together normally. “Chocolate, Cestuebos, chest and hips.”
He blinked and then his eyes widened. He shifted on his feet as he remembered all the details. “It was me.”
“Yes, it was.” She didn’t touch him yet. She didn’t know if he was ready for that and she wasn’t sure what to say next. The way he looked made what happened a delicate subject. She decided to settle on the afterwards. “I couldn’t wipe the memories.”
“Because you thought I should remember after all.”
“Because of Donna,” she corrected. “I’m sorry.”
He sank down on her cot and took a beat before he gave her a half-hearted smile. “I always wonder why the bed doesn’t creak. It looks like it should.”
“Doctor.” She knelt down in front of him and cupped his face. She wondered if he would push her away. “Please. You can’t be upset. It was you. It’s always you.”
The storm drained away. “I know.”
“Do you? Do you, really?” Her eyes flicked back and forth between his. “I wouldn’t be jealous if you found a way to be with me in my last body.”
The smile got sadder. “I’m not jealous. It’s not why -- it’s not why I’m this. I hurt so much then. You were there for me. You always are, River.”
“Then why?”
“...Donna.” He cupped her face too, but with one hand unlike her. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I kept you from Donna.”
“Because I never meet her?”
Because she had and didn’t know Donna on sight.
“It just.. it makes me remember -- everything.”
She moved his knees apart so she could move in and press against him. That included her forehead to his. “I am sorry.”
He leaned in more and closed his eyes as the answer he didn’t give in words. The seconds lasted emotionally as minutes until he opened his eyes. He gave a little tap of his fingers against her cheek, like a quiet knock on a door, so she opened her eyes too. She kept her head against his. His lips moved into a quirk now.
“So me with your last body is okay?”
“You bad boy.” She smirked back even though she reminded him of the obvious truth of her younger days. “If you can find a way to not trigger me into killing you. We’ve done that enough, Sweetie.”
The guards would be here any minute now, not that they cared. But he was the dead man she murdered, so it was better if he wasn’t found sitting in her cell. She stood up and held out her hand.
“C’mon, old man. Time for a night in.”
He followed the tug of her hand to his feet. She walked backwards to the Tardis so their eyes stayed on each other.
His mouth still played at grinning. “Don’t be surprised if I find a way to go back to your last regeneration.”
Her smile was a quiet laugh. “It was a great body. So if you find a way, enjoy yourself.”
The sound of boots hitting the floor came from further down the corridor as the guards ran towards them. It didn’t matter.
“You know, you were right.”
He beamed. “I always am.”
She snorted at that. “I couldn’t let you remember. You had to think your first kiss was after America. I couldn’t think it wasn’t the first.I know you didn’t lie about it. I’m old enough to read when you’re lying. But I did want you to remember as soon as it was safe.”
The Tardis doors closed behind them and the ship melted away.
He reappeared at her cell in what was a month for him and gave her a smirk. “Jammie Dodger, Titan IV, fingers and toes.”
The memory unlocked in her mind at his vocal key code. He leaned forward and bopped her on the nose. “I found a way.”
Her eyes held devilment as she thought of her dark skin moving against his light one and the sounds they had made against each other’s mouths. “Naughty.”
He snapped his lapels. “Yeah, it was. You were right, it was a great body. Lots of fun. You always got great regenerations, even the innocent first one. Ooo, I’m never saying that again. Can’t include the original Melody when we’re talking about what we are. And you were right. I couldn’t let you think your first kiss, your first time with me, wasn’t the first.”
“I’m always right.”
He leaned in so he looked at her through his bangs. “Except when I am. So, what do you think of a trip to Foalara? Great view from any every meadow. Blue grass under blue skies. A night in while we’re outside.”
Her wicked look spread across her expression and she took both of his hands. “A night in while we're outside, old man.”
He walked backwards so they stayed looking at each other with all that warmth and promise.
The guards ran down the hall to Cell 426, but it didn’t matter. The Tardis doors closed and they melted away.