The heart...
...wants what it wants, and I cannot deny it. I am probably going to regret it, because I know that nothing good will come of it, but I can't help it. I know i'm setting myself up for disaster and heartache all over again, as the last few times were proof of that. but at this point I don't care. I miss him too much and all I want is him back in my life, even if it is for a brief moment. I know I should be mad at him, and that I shouldn't even give him the time of day, but I just can't seem to gather the strength and effort I need for that. Forgive and forget, I don't care about the past anymore. All of my attempts to move on and forget about him have failed, because nothing even compares to what we had. So I'm not even going to try and find someone else, because I am always disappointed by what I find.
My life has become lonely and depressing again. 2 of my friends aren't really my friends anymore. I don't have many friends to begin with, so losing any of them is hard. I don't pretend to have grand social life, I know I don't. I am not a very social creature. Lately I've been spending all my time by myself, which is ok with me most of the time. I never needed a lot of friends, I only really need 1 good friend. Having that 1 good friend also be my mate would be all I need in life. But most people are not like me, so I have a hard time finding that 1 person.
My work life used to be the only good thing I had going after he left. Work used to be something that got me up every morning, knowing that there were people at work who liked me and talked to me. Work used to be enjoyable, now I don't even have that. My team has grown so large that cliques are starting to form. and though I feel i have done nothing wrong, and kept to myself for the most part, I am being targeted for no reason. I know I'm an easy target, I tend to just let people walk all over me and I don't make a huge fuss over it because I don't want to rock the boat or lose my job. So I put my headphones on and hardly talk to anyone, and just keep to myself. I do my work and that's all that matters.
My life has become lonely and depressing again. 2 of my friends aren't really my friends anymore. I don't have many friends to begin with, so losing any of them is hard. I don't pretend to have grand social life, I know I don't. I am not a very social creature. Lately I've been spending all my time by myself, which is ok with me most of the time. I never needed a lot of friends, I only really need 1 good friend. Having that 1 good friend also be my mate would be all I need in life. But most people are not like me, so I have a hard time finding that 1 person.
My work life used to be the only good thing I had going after he left. Work used to be something that got me up every morning, knowing that there were people at work who liked me and talked to me. Work used to be enjoyable, now I don't even have that. My team has grown so large that cliques are starting to form. and though I feel i have done nothing wrong, and kept to myself for the most part, I am being targeted for no reason. I know I'm an easy target, I tend to just let people walk all over me and I don't make a huge fuss over it because I don't want to rock the boat or lose my job. So I put my headphones on and hardly talk to anyone, and just keep to myself. I do my work and that's all that matters.