It's Sunday Night In Sequim
So now that I've started to make this post before the drinking started... it might come out a little easier or at least a little more readable.
I've spent the day watching Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip. Which is niether a good nor bad thing.... for one, I love the show. It was amazing to me. I loved the cast, the way it was made, the music, the scripts, simply everything. However, there are relationships in the show that keep reminding me of Anthony, which is not really bad thing, but hard at the same time.
The thing with me and him is over in the sense that there is no way that we could be dating anymore... A major part of that is that he lives on the other side of the country. And no matter how you slice that, the trip to see each other rules anything out right there. There are other things that ended our relationship too... which is fine. It's done and over... we've been talking a little bit here and there, off and on. Generally the chats turn to us going over the faults of our relationship.... In the last one, I admited that if he had left me on a certain bad night that I had, I would be dead... and the reason he stayed is cos he knew I was on the verge of doing it, and wouldn't be able to live with himself if I had died that night because he left the room.
It was a major realization for me that night.
On Wed. my mother heads to Seattle to have surgery. They are going to remove the rest of her thyroid, which they didn't the first time they went in. Thankfully they got the cancer part out of it. That's a great load off of my mental state. I'm not able to be there with her during the op. I wouldn't be able to be in that place anyway. I can't do it. I can't be in a building where they are cutting open the person you care so much about. I'm not able to see people hurt, I'm not able to see people in pain. I hate the fact that she has to have this. I'm thankful that she's got very little chance of having anything go wrong with this op. It should be smooth and be fine. As fine as being under the knife can be that is.
I've been having issues also with the semi-relationship that I have or don't have. But that's that. I have taken a step back from it. Let things stop happening... I've stopped making advances as hard as I was. I've been taking time for me in the past week. Something that I meant to do when I came up here to begin with. Plus the fact that I'm clearly not fully over the boy that I wanted to Marry.
Seems I've been drinking more... My mother's comment about it. But, I somewhat expected that to happen when I stopped doing all the other things that I used to do instead of drinking. Also I've only got like 2 packs of cigs left, which means my day of quitting keeps getting closer and closer...
There's enough for tonight....
I suppose I can start in on my glass of wine now.
I've spent the day watching Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip. Which is niether a good nor bad thing.... for one, I love the show. It was amazing to me. I loved the cast, the way it was made, the music, the scripts, simply everything. However, there are relationships in the show that keep reminding me of Anthony, which is not really bad thing, but hard at the same time.
The thing with me and him is over in the sense that there is no way that we could be dating anymore... A major part of that is that he lives on the other side of the country. And no matter how you slice that, the trip to see each other rules anything out right there. There are other things that ended our relationship too... which is fine. It's done and over... we've been talking a little bit here and there, off and on. Generally the chats turn to us going over the faults of our relationship.... In the last one, I admited that if he had left me on a certain bad night that I had, I would be dead... and the reason he stayed is cos he knew I was on the verge of doing it, and wouldn't be able to live with himself if I had died that night because he left the room.
It was a major realization for me that night.
On Wed. my mother heads to Seattle to have surgery. They are going to remove the rest of her thyroid, which they didn't the first time they went in. Thankfully they got the cancer part out of it. That's a great load off of my mental state. I'm not able to be there with her during the op. I wouldn't be able to be in that place anyway. I can't do it. I can't be in a building where they are cutting open the person you care so much about. I'm not able to see people hurt, I'm not able to see people in pain. I hate the fact that she has to have this. I'm thankful that she's got very little chance of having anything go wrong with this op. It should be smooth and be fine. As fine as being under the knife can be that is.
I've been having issues also with the semi-relationship that I have or don't have. But that's that. I have taken a step back from it. Let things stop happening... I've stopped making advances as hard as I was. I've been taking time for me in the past week. Something that I meant to do when I came up here to begin with. Plus the fact that I'm clearly not fully over the boy that I wanted to Marry.
Seems I've been drinking more... My mother's comment about it. But, I somewhat expected that to happen when I stopped doing all the other things that I used to do instead of drinking. Also I've only got like 2 packs of cigs left, which means my day of quitting keeps getting closer and closer...
There's enough for tonight....
I suppose I can start in on my glass of wine now.