cryptic
I'm going to sound a just a little cryptic with this, but I really don't want to talk/write about much of anything at the moment, I'm just hoping that maybe if I write a bit it'll somehow magically help a bit. I've also been thinking about moving this to a different url, so anyone that wants it can IM me for the new one.
So, over the past week I've learned that you can be completely happy with someone and still feel both incredibly guilty and uncomfortable. I'm amazed at how much guilt you can feel about something you haven't even done yet. Or most likely will never do. I guess after what happened last time I hurt someone, even though I still think it was for the best for both of us, I don't ever want someone else or myself to go through that sort of thing again. & I know this would hurt so much more than January & Febuary ever did... A week ago I would have said that it was the most important thing in my life and now I just don't know. Everything seems so odd at the moment, like I'm drunk or something. Someone shook me too hard and now I'm just disoriented. I wish I could just get a better perspective so I won't have to say the things I do.
Last week's nightmare is today's dream, how ironic. But which is worse, telling the truth and crushing someone's soul or lying to keep them happy?
I just need someone to hug & not feel bad about it afterward. I need someone to tell me I've done nothing wrong. And I need someone to tell me, honestly, that I'm not the heartless bitch I'm starting to think I am. (How can someone with a heart actually live through this and keep it?)
So, over the past week I've learned that you can be completely happy with someone and still feel both incredibly guilty and uncomfortable. I'm amazed at how much guilt you can feel about something you haven't even done yet. Or most likely will never do. I guess after what happened last time I hurt someone, even though I still think it was for the best for both of us, I don't ever want someone else or myself to go through that sort of thing again. & I know this would hurt so much more than January & Febuary ever did... A week ago I would have said that it was the most important thing in my life and now I just don't know. Everything seems so odd at the moment, like I'm drunk or something. Someone shook me too hard and now I'm just disoriented. I wish I could just get a better perspective so I won't have to say the things I do.
Last week's nightmare is today's dream, how ironic. But which is worse, telling the truth and crushing someone's soul or lying to keep them happy?
I just need someone to hug & not feel bad about it afterward. I need someone to tell me I've done nothing wrong. And I need someone to tell me, honestly, that I'm not the heartless bitch I'm starting to think I am. (How can someone with a heart actually live through this and keep it?)