seriously pondering the future
Before Ag I spent almost every waking moment working. What else did I have to do? I needed to save to replace my car. After I met and married him, I worked. I needed to save to replace that car. This last December we bought an '03 Toyota Camry. With my car replaced and my husband happily working his job, I think the last three months I worked for the fun of it--or I didn't work if I didn't want to work.
Laying awake tonight, for the fourth night in a row, I realize I've lost that "it's fun to work" attitude.
We're buying a house. That says it all. Now I'm concerned with the down payment, the appliances we have to buy, the ever increasing gas prices, and the never finished laundry at home.
Ag's would be fine with me as a stay home wife or for me to work. What do I want? I think the last three months I was thinking of more time at home to do the house stuff and care for my husband. He has a full time job and he is going to college; I know he could use the care and less stress of caring for the household stuff.
But we're buying a house. I can't afford to stay at home! I have to work. Yep, I always realized I would work, but I was just testing out the thought of being home when it was snatched away.
Do I honestly want to stay home? I don't know.
Do I want a day care to raise my kids? NO!
Will my mom take the time to raise my kids? probably not, but once in a while? maybe.
Do I even have kids yet to worry over? No
Do I want the freedom of choice to stay home? I think I do.
I was talking with a co-worker last week and mentioned the idea of staying home. She looked at me like I was crazy and asked why anyone would want to do that? Maybe I want to do that.
Should I make a pro/con list? (this is so like me)
Pro-
laundry would be done--in a day and not stretched out for weeks at a time sitting in piles waiting.
the kitchen would be clean "like I like it", not clean "like my husband cleaned it".
I could have a picked-up and clean home.
I would actually have time to exercise.
I could have breakfast with my Ag and send him to work with his lunch every morning.
Con-
I would neglect the housework for reading and RPGs
I would eat all day, every day
I would be bored without the interaction with people all day.
I would not want to do the housework--I hate housework.
(I guess I just like it clean, but don't actually want to do the cleaning myself.)
What is the solution? I continue to work so I can afford a maid to clean for me. Yes, that's a nice DREAM! I can't afford to stop the weekly grind anyway.
But...(see my brain never stops!) what about when we DO have children? Will I ever be able to go back to work? I can hear Ag's comments in my head now--don't worry about it, we don't have kids yet. I guess he hasn't realized my brain likes to worry about lots of stuff whether I want it to or not. I personally would prefer my brain to STOP so I could actually get some sleep tonight. Maybe I'll go try again to sleep...
Laying awake tonight, for the fourth night in a row, I realize I've lost that "it's fun to work" attitude.
We're buying a house. That says it all. Now I'm concerned with the down payment, the appliances we have to buy, the ever increasing gas prices, and the never finished laundry at home.
Ag's would be fine with me as a stay home wife or for me to work. What do I want? I think the last three months I was thinking of more time at home to do the house stuff and care for my husband. He has a full time job and he is going to college; I know he could use the care and less stress of caring for the household stuff.
But we're buying a house. I can't afford to stay at home! I have to work. Yep, I always realized I would work, but I was just testing out the thought of being home when it was snatched away.
Do I honestly want to stay home? I don't know.
Do I want a day care to raise my kids? NO!
Will my mom take the time to raise my kids? probably not, but once in a while? maybe.
Do I even have kids yet to worry over? No
Do I want the freedom of choice to stay home? I think I do.
I was talking with a co-worker last week and mentioned the idea of staying home. She looked at me like I was crazy and asked why anyone would want to do that? Maybe I want to do that.
Should I make a pro/con list? (this is so like me)
Pro-
laundry would be done--in a day and not stretched out for weeks at a time sitting in piles waiting.
the kitchen would be clean "like I like it", not clean "like my husband cleaned it".
I could have a picked-up and clean home.
I would actually have time to exercise.
I could have breakfast with my Ag and send him to work with his lunch every morning.
Con-
I would neglect the housework for reading and RPGs
I would eat all day, every day
I would be bored without the interaction with people all day.
I would not want to do the housework--I hate housework.
(I guess I just like it clean, but don't actually want to do the cleaning myself.)
What is the solution? I continue to work so I can afford a maid to clean for me. Yes, that's a nice DREAM! I can't afford to stop the weekly grind anyway.
But...(see my brain never stops!) what about when we DO have children? Will I ever be able to go back to work? I can hear Ag's comments in my head now--don't worry about it, we don't have kids yet. I guess he hasn't realized my brain likes to worry about lots of stuff whether I want it to or not. I personally would prefer my brain to STOP so I could actually get some sleep tonight. Maybe I'll go try again to sleep...