I can write it better than you ever felt it.
Last night, I had a session with Dr. M in which I realized that I am a joyless individual constantly striving for perfection and plagued by guilt over every mistake going back to childhood. Needless to say, I'm off the Depakote and I'm on Lamictal now. I already feel slightly better, but I'm not sure if it's switching meds or going through intense therapy that did it. Or it could be neither of those things for all I know.
Amazingly, I do not have to attend Church tomorrow with my parents. Tom put his foot down about going and I guess my Dad realized that since Tom is getting married in less than a year, he's an adult and therefore he can't force Tom to do anything and if Tom is an adult, I must be one too since I'm older than him. I was really happy about this development and so was Dr. M. Or at least I was happy about it until my mom laid some guilt trip on me on the way to Borders this morning. She was all, "I don't understand why you can't take 2 hours a year out of your life to make your father happy." I have a million arguments against this guilt trip including: a) They're not really Catholic in any sense since they only go to Church twice a year so why is it so fucking important to them? b) I've made Dad happy for the past 26 years going to Church ranging from 52 to 2 times a year, so why can't he lay off and make me happy for once? Instead of arguing this time, I calmly explained to her that Dr. M thinks my anxiety is caused by all the guilt I feel. She countered with, "If you feel guilty, there must be a reason," at which point I wanted to either strangle her or leap out of the moving vehicle, but I simply said, "I didn't feel guilty until you laid a guilt trip on me." That shut her up and the subject was closed. Not going to Church ever again, don't care what they think.
Also, I got my hair done this morning. It's the same as last time, only the blonde part is more platinum now.
Amazingly, I do not have to attend Church tomorrow with my parents. Tom put his foot down about going and I guess my Dad realized that since Tom is getting married in less than a year, he's an adult and therefore he can't force Tom to do anything and if Tom is an adult, I must be one too since I'm older than him. I was really happy about this development and so was Dr. M. Or at least I was happy about it until my mom laid some guilt trip on me on the way to Borders this morning. She was all, "I don't understand why you can't take 2 hours a year out of your life to make your father happy." I have a million arguments against this guilt trip including: a) They're not really Catholic in any sense since they only go to Church twice a year so why is it so fucking important to them? b) I've made Dad happy for the past 26 years going to Church ranging from 52 to 2 times a year, so why can't he lay off and make me happy for once? Instead of arguing this time, I calmly explained to her that Dr. M thinks my anxiety is caused by all the guilt I feel. She countered with, "If you feel guilty, there must be a reason," at which point I wanted to either strangle her or leap out of the moving vehicle, but I simply said, "I didn't feel guilty until you laid a guilt trip on me." That shut her up and the subject was closed. Not going to Church ever again, don't care what they think.
Also, I got my hair done this morning. It's the same as last time, only the blonde part is more platinum now.