I want you to want me.
It's been fourteen days since I've updated this thing. I read in some business magazine that once you get past the 10 day point, people lose interest in your blog. This is probably true. Of course, it would help if I ever had anything interesting to say in the first place. Let's see…
I've been severely depressed for the past couple of weeks. Almost to the point of non-functioning, really. When I finally saw Dr. M on Saturday, he decided it was time to change my meds again, so I'm off the Zonegran and back on Abilify. I was also diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and he's slightly concerned about the fact that most of the time, I can't distinguish my dreams from reality. Anyway, I came home to tell my parents this and we got in a huge fight. My dad still doesn't understand the being bipolar is a chemical imbalance in my brain and he thinks that I can just will myself into a good mood. It's very frustrating to try to explain anything about my mental illness to either of my parents. They haven't lived with me for an entire year yet with the mood swings, because my onset date wasn't until after I moved out of the house. I know it's difficult for them, but they really seem to be incapable of seeing things from my point of view or of compromising or even bending just a little on anything. I feel like such a burden living here sometimes, yet they won't even discuss me moving out.
They are proud of my financial situation, however. I opened up a Roth IRA and a CD that same Saturday. I'm going to have plenty of money for retirement between the IRA and my 401K, because I've been managing the latter rather well. I can cash the CD in five years down the road. I'm planning on using it to pay off my student loans, but we'll see.
The day before that, we met Tom and Jill downtown for dinner at Brazzaz, which is a Brazilian steakhouse, for Tom's birthday dinner. It was a very cool place and they had plenty of stuff at the salad bar for vegetarians. I wasn't too enamored of the gauchos bringing meat on spits right to the table and carving it right next to me though, but what can you do?
Oh, and Horton actually emailed me himself, but I deleted the email. The general consensus from my family and Dr. M is that he should leave me the hell alone. Dr. M even said that I should mark his email as spam. I'm all for that. I'll probably just change my home-business email address instead. That's going to take awhile though, because I have to change the login of every financial website and every store I shop at online and everything then. What a pain in the fucking ass. Kind of like Horton.
The only good thing that's happened lately is that I've gotten back into art. I bought some cheap oil pastels and I've been doing some drawings. I've also been making my own greeting cards. So, that's been a lot of fun.
As for why I'm updating my journal at 9am in the middle of the workweek, well, we're buried in snow here and the trains are barely operational. It took me five hours to get home last night and I had to stand in the vestibule the whole way. Fun times, fun times.
Happy V-Day, darlings!
I've been severely depressed for the past couple of weeks. Almost to the point of non-functioning, really. When I finally saw Dr. M on Saturday, he decided it was time to change my meds again, so I'm off the Zonegran and back on Abilify. I was also diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and he's slightly concerned about the fact that most of the time, I can't distinguish my dreams from reality. Anyway, I came home to tell my parents this and we got in a huge fight. My dad still doesn't understand the being bipolar is a chemical imbalance in my brain and he thinks that I can just will myself into a good mood. It's very frustrating to try to explain anything about my mental illness to either of my parents. They haven't lived with me for an entire year yet with the mood swings, because my onset date wasn't until after I moved out of the house. I know it's difficult for them, but they really seem to be incapable of seeing things from my point of view or of compromising or even bending just a little on anything. I feel like such a burden living here sometimes, yet they won't even discuss me moving out.
They are proud of my financial situation, however. I opened up a Roth IRA and a CD that same Saturday. I'm going to have plenty of money for retirement between the IRA and my 401K, because I've been managing the latter rather well. I can cash the CD in five years down the road. I'm planning on using it to pay off my student loans, but we'll see.
The day before that, we met Tom and Jill downtown for dinner at Brazzaz, which is a Brazilian steakhouse, for Tom's birthday dinner. It was a very cool place and they had plenty of stuff at the salad bar for vegetarians. I wasn't too enamored of the gauchos bringing meat on spits right to the table and carving it right next to me though, but what can you do?
Oh, and Horton actually emailed me himself, but I deleted the email. The general consensus from my family and Dr. M is that he should leave me the hell alone. Dr. M even said that I should mark his email as spam. I'm all for that. I'll probably just change my home-business email address instead. That's going to take awhile though, because I have to change the login of every financial website and every store I shop at online and everything then. What a pain in the fucking ass. Kind of like Horton.
The only good thing that's happened lately is that I've gotten back into art. I bought some cheap oil pastels and I've been doing some drawings. I've also been making my own greeting cards. So, that's been a lot of fun.
As for why I'm updating my journal at 9am in the middle of the workweek, well, we're buried in snow here and the trains are barely operational. It took me five hours to get home last night and I had to stand in the vestibule the whole way. Fun times, fun times.
Happy V-Day, darlings!