(no subject)
sometimes i am afraid that i have lost the best of friends i will ever make/have. i think that maybe i will not ever see these people again and that my heart will break every single day from this second until the day my heart stops. i won't lie to you. i want to call you. i want to hear your voice and hear that you are breathing for sure, and i want you to tell me i do have beautiful writing and thighs. and laughter. and i want to tell you that you have great eyes. and the echo of your laugh is enough to make me smile from miles away. but i won't call you, because if i do this won't work out right. and i'll have to tell my therapist and she'll tell me i am toying with you but really i am just missing my best friend i'll ever have, the best friend i'll ever want. so, if by any chance you are reading this at this very second i want you to know that i miss you and i love you and i need you and that in some twisted way that is why i won't call you and can't say your name without feeling a little weak. you're the only one who will think it is cute to be a kitten/sea cucumber. just like she was the only one to think it was funny to get a text message saying "poopin on the telephone". i know i have andrew, and i know he is my only true saving grace. thank god for him. i just wish i had my other two. i wish i didn't want to cry right now.