on introspection. deep reflections...
well alot of things happened recently, it was pretty overwhelming for a couple of days. then everything died down.
and thats bad. i should etch this into memory so i dun ever forget. the basics of being human. after a few days when it seems like life is back to normal, its so easy to forget all the lessons taught and revert back to being the old self with all the old flaws, and forgetting all the newfound resolutions made. maybe its just me and my weak resolute. i realised i haven apologised to people i need to, so i need to find time and remind myself to do that.
and its so easy to now look back, feel indignant and go, oh those stupid people, what do they know about me anyway? Or like, its their loss, foolish people. or like those stupid fuckers i dun ever wanna see them, they were being stupid anyway. oh like. way to go. its so easy to revert back to old ways of thinking seriously.
but thats why change is tough. and thats why i need to grow my patience, the first steps of change are painful and tough n u easily lapse into old ways, so its time to get that invisible rule out to discipline yourself. maybe i just need more time to grow accustomed to a 'new way of thinking' and change my way of thinking etc.
it all takes time. and i think a self reflective journal is useful. its nice seeing it on the web, i mean the layout > ms word. but its being on e web scares me, i cant be as open as i could knowing its private and confidential. then set it private u say? eh its still on the web, ppl should learn after silly edison chen's sex scandals. nth is private, esp on the net. maybe i should start an offline blog soon on my own.
and i need to call up to apologise tomorrow, pronto. okay. i need to go rush another chapter of readings before its too late n im bitten back by my backlogs, i mean im already bitten hmmm.
****
i want to watch jyj's concert, damn i hope they come soon. n i hope i get to korea asap to like watch them live. i cant wait for this semester n exams to end. i want to learn korean, cooking and guitar. i need to get my life back, SOON. this semester.... is plain ridiculous. y2s1 still tops the game, but this is a close second in terms of, idk, my mental rationality seems to have fizzled off as i become increasingly holed up in thoughts to get an awesome career. awesome career my foot in this difficult times. and anyway stms i laugh at myself, i wan an awesome career to gain happiness, but the more i reach out for it, i jus feel like im taking a step back from being happy, at least right now. right that. thats why its a foolish semester which i hope all this madness ends soon. i need to take a whole week off, a whole week, without thinking about all this ludicrious shiet. and recover my sanity. refresh and recharge. cos sometimes i think, life isnt all that complicated, im the one complicated it and is messing things up. see, u know u think too much yourself.
i guess im in self denial i either screwed things up or basically is unwanted lol. well, life is simpler than this to be honest. so said, adios and till then!
and thats bad. i should etch this into memory so i dun ever forget. the basics of being human. after a few days when it seems like life is back to normal, its so easy to forget all the lessons taught and revert back to being the old self with all the old flaws, and forgetting all the newfound resolutions made. maybe its just me and my weak resolute. i realised i haven apologised to people i need to, so i need to find time and remind myself to do that.
and its so easy to now look back, feel indignant and go, oh those stupid people, what do they know about me anyway? Or like, its their loss, foolish people. or like those stupid fuckers i dun ever wanna see them, they were being stupid anyway. oh like. way to go. its so easy to revert back to old ways of thinking seriously.
but thats why change is tough. and thats why i need to grow my patience, the first steps of change are painful and tough n u easily lapse into old ways, so its time to get that invisible rule out to discipline yourself. maybe i just need more time to grow accustomed to a 'new way of thinking' and change my way of thinking etc.
it all takes time. and i think a self reflective journal is useful. its nice seeing it on the web, i mean the layout > ms word. but its being on e web scares me, i cant be as open as i could knowing its private and confidential. then set it private u say? eh its still on the web, ppl should learn after silly edison chen's sex scandals. nth is private, esp on the net. maybe i should start an offline blog soon on my own.
and i need to call up to apologise tomorrow, pronto. okay. i need to go rush another chapter of readings before its too late n im bitten back by my backlogs, i mean im already bitten hmmm.
****
i want to watch jyj's concert, damn i hope they come soon. n i hope i get to korea asap to like watch them live. i cant wait for this semester n exams to end. i want to learn korean, cooking and guitar. i need to get my life back, SOON. this semester.... is plain ridiculous. y2s1 still tops the game, but this is a close second in terms of, idk, my mental rationality seems to have fizzled off as i become increasingly holed up in thoughts to get an awesome career. awesome career my foot in this difficult times. and anyway stms i laugh at myself, i wan an awesome career to gain happiness, but the more i reach out for it, i jus feel like im taking a step back from being happy, at least right now. right that. thats why its a foolish semester which i hope all this madness ends soon. i need to take a whole week off, a whole week, without thinking about all this ludicrious shiet. and recover my sanity. refresh and recharge. cos sometimes i think, life isnt all that complicated, im the one complicated it and is messing things up. see, u know u think too much yourself.
i guess im in self denial i either screwed things up or basically is unwanted lol. well, life is simpler than this to be honest. so said, adios and till then!