Thanksgiving and such.
So here I am, at "home" again for break. I love how I come home for break, and spend the entire week driving around and dealing with family drama. Sigh. Just wish I could back to my house in Bloomington, lay down with my kitty, and have a nap. I guess it could be a lot worse. A guy I knew back when I went to church died this week and his funeral was today. I didn't go because I just didn't want to see those people again, and I didn't really like Flash all that much, but my grandparents went. It threw into sharp relief the fact that nobody I have ever dearly loved has died. It makes me realize that my grandparents' lives do in fact have expiration dates and that I need to spend less time complaining about their old people bullshit and more time appreciating them for loving me and taking care of me. Still, though. My grandma can be so fucking passive agressive it's enraging.
I keep having this recurring nightmare where my grandparents, sister, and brother all die in a car wreck, and I wind up sitting in Andrew's shower with all my clothes on, unable to cry due to shock. I really hate this nightmare.
In other somewhat cheerier news, I'm gonna try and lose some more weight. Andrew has lost thirty pounds already this semester, and I feel like I have some catching up to do. We actually had a talk about weight and such, which was kind of weird but also really wonderful because we were both open and honest about how we feel about each other physically and etc. I feel like in most relationships, a conversation like that would have ended up in a huge fucking fight. I'm so glad that we're sane and rational and love each other enough to realize that anything said about each other's weight is never meant negatively, only to help.
Last year I lost a jean size, from a 16 to a 14, where I am now. I've been unsuccessfully trying to lose weight again lately, and I think it's because ever since I can remember I've been wearing size 14 jeans. Ever since I started caring about what I looked like (right before Andrew and I met and started dating, actually), I've been a 14. And I know size is just a number, but body image and self esteem are such powerful motivators (and I feel like that's true for most women, not just me). When I was a 16, I hated the way I felt in my body. As a 14, this is what I'm used to. It's the only body I've ever known. Maybe if I once had a six pack or something I'd be a little more motivated to regain what I had, but I've had some good times in this body and most of the time I've liked it just fine. But I would love to be able to wear a gorgeous bellydance costume (I'm into bellydancing now, in case you didn't know) and not be shy about letting people see my stomach. Just being healthy and knowing I'm not going to drop dead of a heart attack at fourty like half the people in my family would be so nice.
It really is just a matter of finding reasons to change the way I eat and to get good exercise, especially if I'm pretty happy in my body and body image is my most powerful motivator. >.o
Dunnooooooo what to do. Wish I had more self control to just make myself do it without eating cookies or whining about it. But it is nice to know that as long as I'm not the size of an elephant, Andrew will love me just the same, haha. : )
I keep having this recurring nightmare where my grandparents, sister, and brother all die in a car wreck, and I wind up sitting in Andrew's shower with all my clothes on, unable to cry due to shock. I really hate this nightmare.
In other somewhat cheerier news, I'm gonna try and lose some more weight. Andrew has lost thirty pounds already this semester, and I feel like I have some catching up to do. We actually had a talk about weight and such, which was kind of weird but also really wonderful because we were both open and honest about how we feel about each other physically and etc. I feel like in most relationships, a conversation like that would have ended up in a huge fucking fight. I'm so glad that we're sane and rational and love each other enough to realize that anything said about each other's weight is never meant negatively, only to help.
Last year I lost a jean size, from a 16 to a 14, where I am now. I've been unsuccessfully trying to lose weight again lately, and I think it's because ever since I can remember I've been wearing size 14 jeans. Ever since I started caring about what I looked like (right before Andrew and I met and started dating, actually), I've been a 14. And I know size is just a number, but body image and self esteem are such powerful motivators (and I feel like that's true for most women, not just me). When I was a 16, I hated the way I felt in my body. As a 14, this is what I'm used to. It's the only body I've ever known. Maybe if I once had a six pack or something I'd be a little more motivated to regain what I had, but I've had some good times in this body and most of the time I've liked it just fine. But I would love to be able to wear a gorgeous bellydance costume (I'm into bellydancing now, in case you didn't know) and not be shy about letting people see my stomach. Just being healthy and knowing I'm not going to drop dead of a heart attack at fourty like half the people in my family would be so nice.
It really is just a matter of finding reasons to change the way I eat and to get good exercise, especially if I'm pretty happy in my body and body image is my most powerful motivator. >.o
Dunnooooooo what to do. Wish I had more self control to just make myself do it without eating cookies or whining about it. But it is nice to know that as long as I'm not the size of an elephant, Andrew will love me just the same, haha. : )