The Unfortunates
i do believe that the lass wants to go her separate way, out of a relationship, after having pursued one and put every effort into enacting one. it's very sudden, but sincere: this very independent girl wants to be on her own. she needs friendships. and it's not especially easy for me to say "hey, alrighty!" since, o lordy, it's been a very tough year. certainly for romance in the life of ol' mister ben. i can't say i clung to this relationship, even in spite of a chaotic life where nothing else is a constant. but (after several encounters with unfortunate girls enacting unfortunate things) i had found a lot of RELIEF. also, i like her. she's a genuinely good girl who wants to do genuine good---exemplified by the want of a breakup where she's NOT wanting to see other people, and DOES want to strengthen bonds. the relationship wasn't bad at all...in fact, it's been real good. but she's in a bad way right now (she's being a "cunt," in her words), and wants to see this period through by herself. i admire that. and i adore and respect her enough to allow a friendship instead. it doesn't feel good, but it's probably not heartbreak we're dealing with here. just the birth of a new process. that i want something more, and that it cannot be provided, is not something i can take out on her. i'd rather try to be as good as the goodness she possesses, and simply be there for her, on a level she needs (rather than on a level i've desired).
ultimately: no drama, and no bitterness. not so far. i was honest about my intentions. she was honest about hers. if things build up again, and she could tolerate holding hands, so be it. it's really rather unfortunate for me, and does not cap off a bad year in an easy way, but what the hell. life will always bear the ability for complaint. this time, in the wake of a sorrowful situation, i want to make things okay.
that is, for her.
"that's because," one would ponder, "you like her a lot."
well hell, she really is one of the good ones---a real human being. i embrace it, the whole of her. even the "cunt." always the cunt.
2008 has had a real wearying effect on the guts of my being. it's time, once again, from a way in which i take recognition rather than solace, to slow down. and wait.
ultimately: no drama, and no bitterness. not so far. i was honest about my intentions. she was honest about hers. if things build up again, and she could tolerate holding hands, so be it. it's really rather unfortunate for me, and does not cap off a bad year in an easy way, but what the hell. life will always bear the ability for complaint. this time, in the wake of a sorrowful situation, i want to make things okay.
that is, for her.
"that's because," one would ponder, "you like her a lot."
well hell, she really is one of the good ones---a real human being. i embrace it, the whole of her. even the "cunt." always the cunt.
2008 has had a real wearying effect on the guts of my being. it's time, once again, from a way in which i take recognition rather than solace, to slow down. and wait.