she works hard for the money.
yesterday at work i had a really upsetting and truly frightening experience with a client. it was totally unexpected, which is probably why it scared me so much. so, i wanted to reflect here and talk about it to think more deeply and maybe learn.
here's a little background: every wednesday i take two clients grocery shopping. they live together and have been dating for eight years. we have some pretty structured rules about our shopping trips. most important is that they make a grocery list the night before they shop and that during the shopping trip they cannot purchase things not on the list (this is to help with money management skills, avoiding impulse purchases and making nutritious choices at the store).
sometimes either client will buy try to buy something not on the list and i remind them of our rules. typically, they respond well and remember to put the item on the list for next week. i have been flexible with this rule in the case of orange juice, laundry detergent and light bulbs, but junk food is where i usually won't bend the rule.
yesterday we were finishing the shopping and the female client attempted to purchase corndogs. when i prompted her that the item wasn't on the list, she tried to walk away and ignore me. her boyfriend also tried to remind her and then she just snapped; zero to sixty style. she started screaming about "buying her food." i tried in a really calm and relaxed manner to de-escalate the situation, as she was getting really agitated and yelling loudly. she then proceeded to throw a huge temper tantrum and rip things out of my hand and try to pull the shopping cart away from me and her boyfriend. this behavior really agitated her boyfriend, too (as they often feed off each other's illnesses). i told the female client her behavior was inappropriate and that if she continued to act this way, we were going to leave the store. like i didn't see this coming, but this escalated things further and the tantrum was in full force, becoming more violent and appearing slightly psychotic. at this point, i informed both clients because she was being violent i was calling emergency services.
(where i work, we have emergency staff on call 24/7 for this kind of thing and in case clients get into seriously rough situations when we are closed)
while i walked outside, i was totally unaware of any customers at the store or anything else. i was fucking panicked! my insides were shaking uncontrollably, my heart pounding, my face flushing and i just wanted to burst into tears and drive away. to sum the story up, i let them check out while i talked to emergency services and got them home to their apartment.
what was so striking about this entire incident is that the female client has never in anyway acted like this. i've read the case notes on her and heard that she has violent temper, but oh my goddess, i did not see this coming. it took a lot of thinking and support to come to some conclusions about everything.
clearly, there is a huge power struggle with my and all my clients. i control their money and tell them what to do. something at some point in their lives has lead them to not be able to control their money (in the eyes of the governement) or make decisions on their own (again, blame the government or mental health professionals) naturally, i expect resistance and that's why i work hard to be empowering, always putting choices out there for clients. i'm really into self-determination and individuals having their own ideas put into their treatment. the two clients here and i all agreed on the shopping list rules before we ever went shopping together. and it's all about teaching them life skills about managing money and shit so they can make good choices when they are out on their own shopping. so, i feel conflict here. maybe she was feeling really helpless and needed to exert some control, like throwing a tantrum. any "control" issue or conflict that arrises between me and client makes me seriously check myself and my interventions and clinical skills, because i (in NO way ever) never want to be throwing around my authority just to be in control of these people.
also, what made me so sad in retrospect is that the female client had no perception of how out of control she was getting, which is evident in the way we have spoken to each other since the event. and she was so scared during the whole thing, especially after i said the word "violent" outloud; both clients were convinced that she would be hospitalized on a 72-hour hold because they have been part of the system for so long they know the rules.
later she called me, well, he called me and spoke for her, as he does every single day, but she took the phone and said, "tess hannah, no more acting up in the store. next time we grocery shop, i won't act up anymore. i'm sorry." that kinda broke my heart, because for her it is really personal. it seems like she thought "i did that to tess," where as i felt like she just did it out of helplessness, frustration or anger. i didn't take it personally, which allowed me to feel scared and like i would do the "wrong" thing professionally and panic about it. anyway, HUGE sighs of relief that it's over and all three of us have talked about it and processed it and implemented new rules to avoid this kind of incident in the future. and if anyone read this far, i am open to questions and commentary, 'cause i'd love perspective and thoughts from others!
here's a little background: every wednesday i take two clients grocery shopping. they live together and have been dating for eight years. we have some pretty structured rules about our shopping trips. most important is that they make a grocery list the night before they shop and that during the shopping trip they cannot purchase things not on the list (this is to help with money management skills, avoiding impulse purchases and making nutritious choices at the store).
sometimes either client will buy try to buy something not on the list and i remind them of our rules. typically, they respond well and remember to put the item on the list for next week. i have been flexible with this rule in the case of orange juice, laundry detergent and light bulbs, but junk food is where i usually won't bend the rule.
yesterday we were finishing the shopping and the female client attempted to purchase corndogs. when i prompted her that the item wasn't on the list, she tried to walk away and ignore me. her boyfriend also tried to remind her and then she just snapped; zero to sixty style. she started screaming about "buying her food." i tried in a really calm and relaxed manner to de-escalate the situation, as she was getting really agitated and yelling loudly. she then proceeded to throw a huge temper tantrum and rip things out of my hand and try to pull the shopping cart away from me and her boyfriend. this behavior really agitated her boyfriend, too (as they often feed off each other's illnesses). i told the female client her behavior was inappropriate and that if she continued to act this way, we were going to leave the store. like i didn't see this coming, but this escalated things further and the tantrum was in full force, becoming more violent and appearing slightly psychotic. at this point, i informed both clients because she was being violent i was calling emergency services.
(where i work, we have emergency staff on call 24/7 for this kind of thing and in case clients get into seriously rough situations when we are closed)
while i walked outside, i was totally unaware of any customers at the store or anything else. i was fucking panicked! my insides were shaking uncontrollably, my heart pounding, my face flushing and i just wanted to burst into tears and drive away. to sum the story up, i let them check out while i talked to emergency services and got them home to their apartment.
what was so striking about this entire incident is that the female client has never in anyway acted like this. i've read the case notes on her and heard that she has violent temper, but oh my goddess, i did not see this coming. it took a lot of thinking and support to come to some conclusions about everything.
clearly, there is a huge power struggle with my and all my clients. i control their money and tell them what to do. something at some point in their lives has lead them to not be able to control their money (in the eyes of the governement) or make decisions on their own (again, blame the government or mental health professionals) naturally, i expect resistance and that's why i work hard to be empowering, always putting choices out there for clients. i'm really into self-determination and individuals having their own ideas put into their treatment. the two clients here and i all agreed on the shopping list rules before we ever went shopping together. and it's all about teaching them life skills about managing money and shit so they can make good choices when they are out on their own shopping. so, i feel conflict here. maybe she was feeling really helpless and needed to exert some control, like throwing a tantrum. any "control" issue or conflict that arrises between me and client makes me seriously check myself and my interventions and clinical skills, because i (in NO way ever) never want to be throwing around my authority just to be in control of these people.
also, what made me so sad in retrospect is that the female client had no perception of how out of control she was getting, which is evident in the way we have spoken to each other since the event. and she was so scared during the whole thing, especially after i said the word "violent" outloud; both clients were convinced that she would be hospitalized on a 72-hour hold because they have been part of the system for so long they know the rules.
later she called me, well, he called me and spoke for her, as he does every single day, but she took the phone and said, "tess hannah, no more acting up in the store. next time we grocery shop, i won't act up anymore. i'm sorry." that kinda broke my heart, because for her it is really personal. it seems like she thought "i did that to tess," where as i felt like she just did it out of helplessness, frustration or anger. i didn't take it personally, which allowed me to feel scared and like i would do the "wrong" thing professionally and panic about it. anyway, HUGE sighs of relief that it's over and all three of us have talked about it and processed it and implemented new rules to avoid this kind of incident in the future. and if anyone read this far, i am open to questions and commentary, 'cause i'd love perspective and thoughts from others!