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A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Sleeping of High School Students
It is a shame to see fellow students who limp through crowded high school hallways, burdened by heavy book bags and larger bags under their eyes from countless nights of sleepless studying. Many, searching for high grades in hopes of a brighter future, do their best to please teachers by working for days on long assignments and responsibly attaching themselves to their books the night before their tests. While teachers can understand the dedication that students put into their schoolwork, they are astonished by the increasing problem of students who fall asleep during their classes. They find such students to be enigmatic, as they make up for lost sleep during classes for which they had lost said rest.
Often, students rank their classes in importance, sacrificing “unimportant” or morning classes so that they will be alert during more difficult classes. For example, a good, hardworking classmate and friend of mine often sleeps through his morning English class and science class so that he may be active during his tennis class, the obviously most rigorous course that he takes. Despite students’ denying such behavior, sleep often finds itself written plainly and openly across student’s faces, shown through telltale signs such as drooling, closed eyes, and limb bodies. Admittedly, many students are not entirely dedicated to schoolwork, as seen in students who take a quick break in their arduous studying by using the internet and online chatting services until a few hours after midnight. However, such reasonable sleeping hours give students no excuse to sleep through “unimportant” classes.
In the lengthy period of almost two years of high school enrollment, I have formulated a solution that, while not infallible, will almost certainly decrease the number of students who sleep during classes. I have found that the least effective methods constitute of gentle reprimands and tedious tasks that tend to bore students into further drowsiness, while the most effective methods include intimidation. This proposal would surely suit teachers everywhere who have not found a solution to this increasing problem. My solution consists of a system of monitoring and punishments that are modeled to be both effective and as humane as possible. For example, motion detectors or cameras installed in classes will detect limping of bodies and sudden movements as heads fall. An alternative that may both save money and also benefit students is peer monitoring, where students are offered community service or class credit for each fellow classmate caught dozing off.
Students who are caught sleeping will first be woken up by special alarms that are specifically designed by school districts for immediate awakening of students in order to preserve class time. Perpetrators will be then be sent to a counseling room where they will be subjected to a short hour of intense staring and lecturing by qualified personnel called ‘intimidators’. After school, the perpetrators will also be required to attend remedial courses in order to make up for lost class time, allowed to only take notes on their skin but required to write only enough notes to deplete the ink of one pen.
While this first step will be taken for only rare sleepers who occasionally fall asleep after long nights of studying, the regular sloth who often sleeps without regard for his education will no longer receive such a lenient warning as the rare sleepers do. They will be subjected to such punishments such as solitary instruction in which they will be provided only a pen and made to stand while taking notes on their skin from special teachers and intimidators. They may also be required to stay overnight in special institutions where they will be monitored and made to sleep at early hours.
The benefits of this system include increased awareness in classes, thus both fulfilling teachers’ goals of educating their students and ensuring students’ education and basic knowledge. Students are naturally disdainful of any punishment, whether it be counseling under intimidators, or worse, public embarrassment. This system of punishments, without any directly adverse effects for any eager student who wishes to succeed in school, will greatly improve education systems and help teachers and students work together in a cooperative atmosphere.
Yeah. It's crap and unjointed but f that right now, I can't think. Read plz? Sophmores?