seven years later...
I haven't wrote in forever. So this is probably going to end up being a rambling pile of shit; but i'm going to ramble on anyways. Sorry to all those suckers who read this.
First off. I did a bulletin board on love last month in the dorms. It made me think about what love is and if I'd ever really been in love. I don't know how to answer this. I know that I have the capacity to love; but to be in love I don't know. I love children and old people. I love my new found big sister. I love Amanda. I love God. I love my family and friends (i love food!) But being in love is so much more complicated. I think that sexual drive has always gotten in the way of being in love. However, I think that intimacy is a act of love so therefore (if not just being a horny piece of fuck) this is a feeling of being in love I guess. So yeah. I don't know what love is. To me it's not so much about being in love with a significant other as much as loving everybody for who they are. I know that I would feel sufficiently loved if I didn't have a guy in my life because I have friends who love Sarah for Sarah and because I love myself. (wow I think that's the first time I've ever said that...is it conceited to love yourself...) Love is one of those things that the more you give out the more you receive.
This brings me to my next discovery. I can keep my faith and still implement my beliefs. I love God. I don't like Christianity as a religion, because of what people have turned it into. I was reading "Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes" by Brennan Manning last night. The author was discussing I Corinthians 4:5. He states that "The sons and daughters of God are the most nonjudgmental people you'll ever meet." If this was only true...
I've been really struggling lately to where I stand with what the Bible defines as sinners; such as homosexuality. One of the other RA's had a LGBT (lesbian gay bisexual transgender) Pannel this week. One of the young ladies on the panel was an ally; somebody who supports and fights for the rights of those in the LGBT community. One of the first things out of her mouth was, "I am a practicing Christian" A young gentleman later asked her how she could consider herself Christian if she support what the Bible says in a sin. So basically your support people to go against God's law. She brought up the fact that Jesus says in Mark, the most important command is to love God and love others. This is my bases for my Christian walk. Love God, because God is love. And Love others. But how do you exactly love others. DON'T JUDGE THEM. So yeah. I think the definition of love is being nonjudgmental because if you can truly accept somebody and not judge them on their beliefs or faults or looks or blah; that's love baby. It's not my place to say what somebody is doing is a sin. God can judge that on judgement day; not me. I'm here to love not condemn.
Second big discovery. I DON'T WANT TO BE A TEACHER!!!!! First off the effing no child left behind act forced the state of michigan to no longer certify General Science majors therefore EMU doesn't offer a general science major for secondary education. I was debating going into education anyways and I think this was God telling me that I'd be a bad teacher find a new career goal. I'm now looking very serious into occupational therapy. I've talked to an advisor and i'll be here for another 4.5 years; but i'll have my masters. Man. I love EMU; dedicating almost 7 years of my life to this ghetto school. I'm so excited though about this career. I love people and i'll be able to have one on one contact with patients and some of the patients I'll work with really need to be shown some lovin'. And that's what I want to do because everybody deserves to be loved.
I also discovered how much I love my mother. She's the biggest nerd ever. But i love her. And I wish I could see her more.
I saw my friend Alison yesterday. We finally agreed to disagree on most topics in our life. I think that religious conflict will eventually kill our relationship because she's so narrow minded. I love that girl but we talked yesterday and she told me she wouldn't walk into one of the dorms at her college by herself because there are three lesbians there and she was scared. Um...kiddo...they aren't infected and if you'll be ok if you breath the same air they do. We got into a heated discussion about LGBT that finally ended with agreeing to disagree which i think is the best thing we could have ever done.
I also got to see my brother yesterday. I love him. I miss that man. I know he cares about me and I think that right now he is the biggest person in my life that I am afraid of disappointing. He's more of a father figure to me than a brother. Oh...and my sisters all fat and pregnant and going to be popping a kid out any day. I'm so excited.
Hum...what else. oh. I found a boy. We have a lot of differences but I think that they're differences that can be worked through and make our relationship more interesting; not necessarily more complicated; just more interesting. I didn't realize how much I liked this boy until I thought I almost lost him. He makes me appreciate my time spent with others and he won't let me sulk in my sorrow and force myself back into depression. This is something that I want to learn how to do on my own. I'm doing pretty good. The roller coaster of emotions is evening out and I don't let myself sulk the entire day. I haven't seen my counselor since the last week of January and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm realizing how much I have in life and how much I love life and I love other people I just want to hug everybody and tell them that everything will be okay because Sarah loves you.
I got to read to little kids this week. I love kids. I really do. They make me laugh and smile and forget about all the worries in life.
Amanda semetko got me hooked on american idol. I hate that girl for this. Idiot. (opps i pulled an ......)
Ha. I love you all. And i'm skipping class right now. I'm such a bad scholastic example to my residents. Oh well. I'm hungry....and let me tell you, if all my friends ditch me, i'll never stop loving food!!
First off. I did a bulletin board on love last month in the dorms. It made me think about what love is and if I'd ever really been in love. I don't know how to answer this. I know that I have the capacity to love; but to be in love I don't know. I love children and old people. I love my new found big sister. I love Amanda. I love God. I love my family and friends (i love food!) But being in love is so much more complicated. I think that sexual drive has always gotten in the way of being in love. However, I think that intimacy is a act of love so therefore (if not just being a horny piece of fuck) this is a feeling of being in love I guess. So yeah. I don't know what love is. To me it's not so much about being in love with a significant other as much as loving everybody for who they are. I know that I would feel sufficiently loved if I didn't have a guy in my life because I have friends who love Sarah for Sarah and because I love myself. (wow I think that's the first time I've ever said that...is it conceited to love yourself...) Love is one of those things that the more you give out the more you receive.
This brings me to my next discovery. I can keep my faith and still implement my beliefs. I love God. I don't like Christianity as a religion, because of what people have turned it into. I was reading "Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes" by Brennan Manning last night. The author was discussing I Corinthians 4:5. He states that "The sons and daughters of God are the most nonjudgmental people you'll ever meet." If this was only true...
I've been really struggling lately to where I stand with what the Bible defines as sinners; such as homosexuality. One of the other RA's had a LGBT (lesbian gay bisexual transgender) Pannel this week. One of the young ladies on the panel was an ally; somebody who supports and fights for the rights of those in the LGBT community. One of the first things out of her mouth was, "I am a practicing Christian" A young gentleman later asked her how she could consider herself Christian if she support what the Bible says in a sin. So basically your support people to go against God's law. She brought up the fact that Jesus says in Mark, the most important command is to love God and love others. This is my bases for my Christian walk. Love God, because God is love. And Love others. But how do you exactly love others. DON'T JUDGE THEM. So yeah. I think the definition of love is being nonjudgmental because if you can truly accept somebody and not judge them on their beliefs or faults or looks or blah; that's love baby. It's not my place to say what somebody is doing is a sin. God can judge that on judgement day; not me. I'm here to love not condemn.
Second big discovery. I DON'T WANT TO BE A TEACHER!!!!! First off the effing no child left behind act forced the state of michigan to no longer certify General Science majors therefore EMU doesn't offer a general science major for secondary education. I was debating going into education anyways and I think this was God telling me that I'd be a bad teacher find a new career goal. I'm now looking very serious into occupational therapy. I've talked to an advisor and i'll be here for another 4.5 years; but i'll have my masters. Man. I love EMU; dedicating almost 7 years of my life to this ghetto school. I'm so excited though about this career. I love people and i'll be able to have one on one contact with patients and some of the patients I'll work with really need to be shown some lovin'. And that's what I want to do because everybody deserves to be loved.
I also discovered how much I love my mother. She's the biggest nerd ever. But i love her. And I wish I could see her more.
I saw my friend Alison yesterday. We finally agreed to disagree on most topics in our life. I think that religious conflict will eventually kill our relationship because she's so narrow minded. I love that girl but we talked yesterday and she told me she wouldn't walk into one of the dorms at her college by herself because there are three lesbians there and she was scared. Um...kiddo...they aren't infected and if you'll be ok if you breath the same air they do. We got into a heated discussion about LGBT that finally ended with agreeing to disagree which i think is the best thing we could have ever done.
I also got to see my brother yesterday. I love him. I miss that man. I know he cares about me and I think that right now he is the biggest person in my life that I am afraid of disappointing. He's more of a father figure to me than a brother. Oh...and my sisters all fat and pregnant and going to be popping a kid out any day. I'm so excited.
Hum...what else. oh. I found a boy. We have a lot of differences but I think that they're differences that can be worked through and make our relationship more interesting; not necessarily more complicated; just more interesting. I didn't realize how much I liked this boy until I thought I almost lost him. He makes me appreciate my time spent with others and he won't let me sulk in my sorrow and force myself back into depression. This is something that I want to learn how to do on my own. I'm doing pretty good. The roller coaster of emotions is evening out and I don't let myself sulk the entire day. I haven't seen my counselor since the last week of January and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm realizing how much I have in life and how much I love life and I love other people I just want to hug everybody and tell them that everything will be okay because Sarah loves you.
I got to read to little kids this week. I love kids. I really do. They make me laugh and smile and forget about all the worries in life.
Amanda semetko got me hooked on american idol. I hate that girl for this. Idiot. (opps i pulled an ......)
Ha. I love you all. And i'm skipping class right now. I'm such a bad scholastic example to my residents. Oh well. I'm hungry....and let me tell you, if all my friends ditch me, i'll never stop loving food!!