Sad brains
I think this is genuinely what it is like to go mad.
Never played so much solitaire in my life. Everything now is just displacement activity. And the phone resolutely doesn't ring and doesn't ring and doesn't ring and I'm forever listening out, lying awake at night for hours and hours wondering if Edward Kemp has discussed me with the other panel-members. I'm so scared of the place I am going to end up at if I don't get in. I will feel second-best for the rest of my life. I have never wanted anything so much.
So I sit at home at play cards, read, listen to audiobooks and wish Alex would call. So annoyed at myself for even feeling that way, missing him so intensely because I highly doubt he feels the same. I hate feeling stupid on top of all the RADA madness. But being with him, I come to the closest to not thinking about RADA. Plus he's just good company. I NEED to get out of the house but when I'm on my own, I mope and scare myself stupid or try and hypnotise myself into nothing-brain. Only person in the world who can stop that is him.
The pill is disagreeing with my body; hopefully should settle down but it's frustrating. Also, it does make you moody and because I've run two packs together, it's basically forcing me to have my period whether I like it or not. Along with PMT. Gee, thanks Science. So I literally burst into tears every five seconds. Aw yeah. So hawt for me right now. Anyone heard about Anya/Lybrel? I'm totes asking for it. It's one of the few approved contraceptive pills that just stops periods altogether! You get breakthrough bleeding but there's no placebo pills or days off, it's just...menstrual-less! And people say it's not natural? WTF? What freaky woman wants her period? It's just a useful check to see if you're pregnant. I hate it so much and since I don't plan on having kids of my own (adoption, or just never) it's doubly useless.
:( Want RADA. Miss man. Sad. Stop being sad. <- literally this is ALL that has been going through my head for days. On a loop.
Never played so much solitaire in my life. Everything now is just displacement activity. And the phone resolutely doesn't ring and doesn't ring and doesn't ring and I'm forever listening out, lying awake at night for hours and hours wondering if Edward Kemp has discussed me with the other panel-members. I'm so scared of the place I am going to end up at if I don't get in. I will feel second-best for the rest of my life. I have never wanted anything so much.
So I sit at home at play cards, read, listen to audiobooks and wish Alex would call. So annoyed at myself for even feeling that way, missing him so intensely because I highly doubt he feels the same. I hate feeling stupid on top of all the RADA madness. But being with him, I come to the closest to not thinking about RADA. Plus he's just good company. I NEED to get out of the house but when I'm on my own, I mope and scare myself stupid or try and hypnotise myself into nothing-brain. Only person in the world who can stop that is him.
The pill is disagreeing with my body; hopefully should settle down but it's frustrating. Also, it does make you moody and because I've run two packs together, it's basically forcing me to have my period whether I like it or not. Along with PMT. Gee, thanks Science. So I literally burst into tears every five seconds. Aw yeah. So hawt for me right now. Anyone heard about Anya/Lybrel? I'm totes asking for it. It's one of the few approved contraceptive pills that just stops periods altogether! You get breakthrough bleeding but there's no placebo pills or days off, it's just...menstrual-less! And people say it's not natural? WTF? What freaky woman wants her period? It's just a useful check to see if you're pregnant. I hate it so much and since I don't plan on having kids of my own (adoption, or just never) it's doubly useless.
:( Want RADA. Miss man. Sad. Stop being sad. <- literally this is ALL that has been going through my head for days. On a loop.