Sex, Vikings and Puritans
Couple of nights ago, had dinner with Jess, which was actually really lovely. It was so nice seeing her again and lol we started the dinner at 6.30, I still didn't start driving home till 10.50. We made a kinda masochist trip to the pub when we knew we risked encountering the Crucible cast coming out after a rehearsal (I wasn't missing it! I wasn't called) Jess kinda...I don't know, well she did all sorts of exciting things with the director's son and the director's son's bf. Alors, there is some grudges going in the company against her. She even auditioned for Abigail, same as me. AWWWWWWKWAAAAAARDDDD.
But Jess seemed to be testing herself. It was terrible. Alex was clearly happy to see her but the director kept trying to stop him talking to her. And worse, she was friendly towards me but fully blanked poor Jess. So that was amazingly fun walking back trying to comfort her and it did put a bit of a damper on the evening.
It was a nice time and it was only afterwards I started feeling down. But I felt so unsexy in comparison with Jess. I always do but this was spesh. I went into the bathroom at one stage and thought 'Hey, you know, I look quite good', which is a rare occurance. But still didn't help me. Guys were winking at Jess all night, not me. They always have. So I had my first cry in a while, just because I do sometimes wonder what's wrong with me. My Mum told me a story about feeling much the same, driving home one night sobbing and hitting the steering wheel demanding the air why she didn't have somebody. I wish I was beautiful. Or- and this is not to say she isn't GORGEOUS already- but Jess carries herself so confidently that I suppose must be attractive, I wish I could do that. I wish I had any sex appeal! But bug eyed little people with ISHYUES and stuff, don't do sexy.
Yesterday did an audiobook for the blind about Viking life, which I feel so honoured just to be a part of! It's run by about 120 volunteers. Was pleased with what I did too. They hinted at asking me back! Go check out "Living Paintings"- they make it possible for blind adults and children to still enjoy reading and also to see the world's great pieces of artwork. This evening, have Crucible rehearsal and then this weekend it's big ole runthrough rehearsal and Bristol Old Vic recall day. Of course,1topmodel . I hope it's not too cold out there.