"betrayal is a higher form of jealousy, ricki. it's all i ever saw."
today i have had the weirdest sequence of events happen. it was a complete rollercoaster. first, my mom got botox this morning and i slept in the doctor's office. then she decided to be an lj lurker and read my journal, and all of yours. so of course she read about the tattoo plans. so that's shot to hell, at least for the time being.
she took me to school to register and i ended up enrolling myself in the honors program and majoring in english. if i do well, i get to go to england to study for a semester. so that's neat. the rest of the day went well, shopping and what not. we got a really cool painting for my room and some candles.
at lunch we somehow got on the subject of her and my dad's divorce and events during their marriage. i cried and cried in a restaurant and it was embarassing. i brought up some things, that she doesn't remember that i said...and she cried too. i learned some new things about my dad, and some things i'm ashamed to say that he did. it makes me angry, and it makes me look at my mother in a different way. she's stronger than i ever imagined.
we did more shopping, got some shoes....better moods all around til we got home. drama blew up on my computer screen and she had to go to 41 condo suites and move furniture. both of those things, i saw them coming from miles away. they were both WAY overdue.
then my battle against florida continued, to get money for school. which is due tomorrow.
and its just been back and forth and back and forth.
i'm glad my mom and i can openly talk about the divorce, and how i feel about it now. maybe one day all the feelings i bottled up inside will be emptied. hopefully hers as well. moving over here FINALLY, is the best thing to ever happen to me. sure, i'm doing school myself, i made the decision for surgery and i stood up to my dad and grandma.
but my mother is my support that i had long forgotten. and i wish everyone else's parents could have the same everlasting faith that she has in me.
i made a lot of decisions today. about people, friendships, my life.
i cut off a lot of things, made some apologizes and said what i needed to say. i feel better, and i feel good. my life is looking up for the best which is more than i can say for some people, and a lot to say for myself because i've been waiting for it. i'm 20 years old, and before i turn 21 my life will make a complete flip.
because i was tired of waiting for something to happen. you can't sit around and wait for someone to take you somewhere, or something to fly through your computer and make your life better. making someone else's life suck, won't make yours better. it's time to grow up. for me, for you, and for almost everyone that will actually take the time to read this.
i look forward to every day, and every change that is about to happen.
and i say thank you, to the few of you that are there for me and really are there.
i should have done these things years ago.
baby steps, baby steps.
man hotmail deleted all my contacts. fucking shit.
she took me to school to register and i ended up enrolling myself in the honors program and majoring in english. if i do well, i get to go to england to study for a semester. so that's neat. the rest of the day went well, shopping and what not. we got a really cool painting for my room and some candles.
at lunch we somehow got on the subject of her and my dad's divorce and events during their marriage. i cried and cried in a restaurant and it was embarassing. i brought up some things, that she doesn't remember that i said...and she cried too. i learned some new things about my dad, and some things i'm ashamed to say that he did. it makes me angry, and it makes me look at my mother in a different way. she's stronger than i ever imagined.
we did more shopping, got some shoes....better moods all around til we got home. drama blew up on my computer screen and she had to go to 41 condo suites and move furniture. both of those things, i saw them coming from miles away. they were both WAY overdue.
then my battle against florida continued, to get money for school. which is due tomorrow.
and its just been back and forth and back and forth.
i'm glad my mom and i can openly talk about the divorce, and how i feel about it now. maybe one day all the feelings i bottled up inside will be emptied. hopefully hers as well. moving over here FINALLY, is the best thing to ever happen to me. sure, i'm doing school myself, i made the decision for surgery and i stood up to my dad and grandma.
but my mother is my support that i had long forgotten. and i wish everyone else's parents could have the same everlasting faith that she has in me.
i made a lot of decisions today. about people, friendships, my life.
i cut off a lot of things, made some apologizes and said what i needed to say. i feel better, and i feel good. my life is looking up for the best which is more than i can say for some people, and a lot to say for myself because i've been waiting for it. i'm 20 years old, and before i turn 21 my life will make a complete flip.
because i was tired of waiting for something to happen. you can't sit around and wait for someone to take you somewhere, or something to fly through your computer and make your life better. making someone else's life suck, won't make yours better. it's time to grow up. for me, for you, and for almost everyone that will actually take the time to read this.
i look forward to every day, and every change that is about to happen.
and i say thank you, to the few of you that are there for me and really are there.
i should have done these things years ago.
baby steps, baby steps.
man hotmail deleted all my contacts. fucking shit.