Christmas 09
Yesterday I ran into some friends from high school who, like me, returned home for the holidays. I asked the perfunctory, "So how are you?" to which they both replied, "Oh you know, it sucks being at home... parents are smothering." I lied and said, "yep, same here..." I didn't want to ruin the Christmas cheer by contrasting their unpleasant time at home with my generally enjoyable home life.
So, yes. I am having a pretty good time at home. I'm in no hurry to leave. This Christmas hasn't been too shabby at all. Even when I thought we killed the dog... twice. It was still pretty damn good. I've never had a bad Christmas. Even last year when my butter-guzzling old Gaffer had to go to the hospital on Christmas Eve and left me to hold down the restaurant alone. All I remember was, "Da fuck just happened? Did appendicitis just happen? He also left us with the turkey so my sister and brother just slapped some shit on it, put it in the oven and prayed for daylight. Shit, we didn't even have a tree last year! My mom just made me tape bows onto a fake potted plant and put our presents under. Still, Christmas was still pretty awesome. The old Gaffer didn't have appendicitis but kidney stones instead so he had to learn to eat healthily. He also ambled around slightly high from the pain medication, which was cool. The turkey also came out pretty tasty so now the kids have learned how to cook a 22 lbs turkey.
Even with the slew of weird, useless and stupid gifts I get every year, Christmas still kicks ass.
1.) This year's pointless gift goes to my brother who gave me a picture frame post-it pad. They're post-its with a square cut out of the pad so you can insert a picture to the back. They're kind of useful I guess...
2.) Last year, my dad and brother got me a necklace. It was a thick, gold chain reminiscent of LL Cool Jay in his heyday. Maybe they were trying to give me respected on the streets.
3.) About 5 or 6 years ago my aunt gave me a see-through, shirt made entirely of beads. It was actually just a triangle of beads with strings that would tie around the back. She said it was all the rage in Shanghai. It's still in my closet. I'm saving it because I feel like it will save me one day, and I just don't know it. I could use it as a net to catch fish.
4.) The following year, that same aunt gave me a blue cardigan sweater with giant rhinestone buttons in the shape of snowflakes. After I told her that the see-through beaded monstrosity was a bit extreme for my taste, she gives me a sweater hot off the runway from the Senior Center. I look fly playing shuffleboard!
5.) Not my gift, but that same aunt (indeed, she is a special one) gave my sister a poncho for 2 years in a row. She gave her 2 bottles of J.Lo perfume too... also 2 years in a row.
This year's best gifts go out to
1.) My Tokidoki purse from my dad! Strangely he's the one who picked out that LL Cool J dookie chain for me. Strange taste, that man.
2.) MAC, MakeUp Forever, and Urban Decay eye makeup from my friends and sister. I have so much to play with now!
3.) A multi-color pack of Sharpie pens. It's a very small, but thoughtful gift from my brother.
4.) A Hokusen wave designed sketchbook from youngest brother. It was very thoughtful, and I've already started drawing in it with those Sharpies! I love it, even if he did leave the "bargain price" sale sticker still on it. Ha!
5.) Grey hoodie jacket with a woolly hood from my mom. This one makes it onto the "awesome gift" list because when I opened it, I said, "Is this from Costco?" to which my mom replied, "How do you know???" I guessed based on the size sticker. If you've ever browsed the clothes at Costco, you'll know what I'm talking about. Costco cracks me up, and I will forever refer to this hoodie as my Costco hoodie.
I love holidays. Christmas, Halloween, Mid-Autumn holiday, Thanksgiving, Harvest Moon, Chinese New Year... shiiet, I love 'em so much I may just bake myself a Kwanzaa cake like Sandra Lee! That crazy bitch and her costumes...
New Years Day is coming up soon! I'll be 22 on the eve of New Years Eve. Let's see how it goes! I'll either be partying up or holed up somewhere with a bottle, writing a my will and looking for my pistol with one shot to get me off that godforsaken spit of land where me crew marooned me.
So, yes. I am having a pretty good time at home. I'm in no hurry to leave. This Christmas hasn't been too shabby at all. Even when I thought we killed the dog... twice. It was still pretty damn good. I've never had a bad Christmas. Even last year when my butter-guzzling old Gaffer had to go to the hospital on Christmas Eve and left me to hold down the restaurant alone. All I remember was, "Da fuck just happened? Did appendicitis just happen? He also left us with the turkey so my sister and brother just slapped some shit on it, put it in the oven and prayed for daylight. Shit, we didn't even have a tree last year! My mom just made me tape bows onto a fake potted plant and put our presents under. Still, Christmas was still pretty awesome. The old Gaffer didn't have appendicitis but kidney stones instead so he had to learn to eat healthily. He also ambled around slightly high from the pain medication, which was cool. The turkey also came out pretty tasty so now the kids have learned how to cook a 22 lbs turkey.
Even with the slew of weird, useless and stupid gifts I get every year, Christmas still kicks ass.
1.) This year's pointless gift goes to my brother who gave me a picture frame post-it pad. They're post-its with a square cut out of the pad so you can insert a picture to the back. They're kind of useful I guess...
2.) Last year, my dad and brother got me a necklace. It was a thick, gold chain reminiscent of LL Cool Jay in his heyday. Maybe they were trying to give me respected on the streets.
3.) About 5 or 6 years ago my aunt gave me a see-through, shirt made entirely of beads. It was actually just a triangle of beads with strings that would tie around the back. She said it was all the rage in Shanghai. It's still in my closet. I'm saving it because I feel like it will save me one day, and I just don't know it. I could use it as a net to catch fish.
4.) The following year, that same aunt gave me a blue cardigan sweater with giant rhinestone buttons in the shape of snowflakes. After I told her that the see-through beaded monstrosity was a bit extreme for my taste, she gives me a sweater hot off the runway from the Senior Center. I look fly playing shuffleboard!
5.) Not my gift, but that same aunt (indeed, she is a special one) gave my sister a poncho for 2 years in a row. She gave her 2 bottles of J.Lo perfume too... also 2 years in a row.
This year's best gifts go out to
1.) My Tokidoki purse from my dad! Strangely he's the one who picked out that LL Cool J dookie chain for me. Strange taste, that man.
2.) MAC, MakeUp Forever, and Urban Decay eye makeup from my friends and sister. I have so much to play with now!
3.) A multi-color pack of Sharpie pens. It's a very small, but thoughtful gift from my brother.
4.) A Hokusen wave designed sketchbook from youngest brother. It was very thoughtful, and I've already started drawing in it with those Sharpies! I love it, even if he did leave the "bargain price" sale sticker still on it. Ha!
5.) Grey hoodie jacket with a woolly hood from my mom. This one makes it onto the "awesome gift" list because when I opened it, I said, "Is this from Costco?" to which my mom replied, "How do you know???" I guessed based on the size sticker. If you've ever browsed the clothes at Costco, you'll know what I'm talking about. Costco cracks me up, and I will forever refer to this hoodie as my Costco hoodie.
I love holidays. Christmas, Halloween, Mid-Autumn holiday, Thanksgiving, Harvest Moon, Chinese New Year... shiiet, I love 'em so much I may just bake myself a Kwanzaa cake like Sandra Lee! That crazy bitch and her costumes...
New Years Day is coming up soon! I'll be 22 on the eve of New Years Eve. Let's see how it goes! I'll either be partying up or holed up somewhere with a bottle, writing a my will and looking for my pistol with one shot to get me off that godforsaken spit of land where me crew marooned me.