(no subject)
I wonder if I'll never feel like I'm tied down. If, even for only a few months, I'll be free to just "live" without something preventing me from just getting up and going wherever the hell I want. First, of course, I lived at home, had school and a job and had to live under my mother's roof. Then I moved on to college, so now I have school again, a job, and a complete lack of money. After I graduate, I assume I will not have a ton of money and I will go looking for a real job. Eventually, like most people on the planet, I assume I will get married, so then unless I get divorced (which I assume will also happen,) I won't be able to do things "just for myself" anymore. I seem to be the one person out of a gazillion of my peers who actually wants to have kids, and so if that happens I can just forget it.
I really just want to float around for a while. Since I was a kid, I've had this drive to get to the next thing, get to the next thing, get to the next thing, and in the last several months that drive has faded away and I'm starting to feel like I'm just tied down, trapped in myself and wherever I am. The antsiness, the urge to pick up and go away is always getting stronger. I stay wary of it, though, because I know how that ends up and it's not good. My father is one of those people, (the biological one, not the main one,) he goes from country to country, from job to job, from marriage to marriage. I don't want that, I want stability in my life. That's kind of hard, though, when the things that give you stability are the things that you want to get away from.
I really just want to float around for a while. Since I was a kid, I've had this drive to get to the next thing, get to the next thing, get to the next thing, and in the last several months that drive has faded away and I'm starting to feel like I'm just tied down, trapped in myself and wherever I am. The antsiness, the urge to pick up and go away is always getting stronger. I stay wary of it, though, because I know how that ends up and it's not good. My father is one of those people, (the biological one, not the main one,) he goes from country to country, from job to job, from marriage to marriage. I don't want that, I want stability in my life. That's kind of hard, though, when the things that give you stability are the things that you want to get away from.