(no subject)
I am drinking too much lately. Too too much. All of the stress of school and uncertainty and suddenly my fun nights have increased from once a week to (sometimes) three. I have always been a social drinker and never one to say no to a few pints mid-week, but for the last few weeks I have been blacking out, spending days in bed recovering, and skipping classes. Drinking so much that I fall down and feel silly for days after. Most importantly I have decided that I don't like who I am when I drink. I am on detox for the month of April because I think I need to orerient myself with sober life and who I am.
I am finishing my MA in three weeks. This means I have something like 80 pages to write. That's something like four pages a day. That's something like: unrealistic for my life at the moment. Today, instead of reading and writing for five or six productive hours, I went for a long walk in the park, ate ice-cream, and made fajitas for supper. It doesn't look like it, but it really is just a different kind of productivity.
On a totally related note, I gained five pounds last month. Binge drinking + stress eating + riding the bus every day instead of walking = not feeling totally like myself. April needs to be a month of balance rather than disorder.
I am longing for old friends, moving home for a little while, and realigning myself with some kind of center.