Some thoughts
Oh hai.
Can't sleep as every time I go back into my room I start sneezing. I discovered a huge mold deposit right before I went to bed and now my brain has decided to dump a months worth of allergies on me all at once. YAY. I was perfectly fine before I discovered the mold, I don't see why my knowing has to change anything. /unhappy.
So, late night catch-up with the Ouran Host Club Manga.
- Tamaki fangirls are awesome.
- Tamaki is awesome.
- Tamaki and his grandmother bonding over 90s Japanese television dramas is awesome.
Other than that, I have to file four different tax returns which is making my head spin. I've been drawing a bit, but I haven't been writing. I got stuck on the exposition again.
It's incredibly difficult to write at my current juncture because I only have two characters in play for plot dumping. Lynx is the one who knows everything, but as a character he dislikes interacting with people he sees as beneath him. It's incredibly difficult to get him to tell Starr (or the reader) anything. He ends up doing it with a flair of superiority that only pisses Starr off. Starr, being a fiery mary-sue type, has a streak of stubbornness that, once pissed off, prevents her from engaging Lynx for any further information.
Basically - I have three chapters of arguing written for exposition that should take one page to explain. I just need enough to establish both characters' backstories before they get to Thamalia and then I can dump the rest. So:
Backstory -> Racial Relations -> Politics -> Parliament -> Artensia -> Goddesses -> Magic System
Basic mythology and magic is already discussed but I don't have a character who can explain it the right way until Jiao waltzes in. I've ended up adding two additional sets of characters to highlight things that I don't have a chance otherwise: a group for Lynx's military background/to show he actually has friends, and the magicians at the university to give Starr someone to talk to and explain uses/research into magic. The university is boring but if Starr has no one to interact with, Lynx will completely overshadow her in Thamalia. I don't want her to be passive about her predicament. She needs something to keep her occupied otherwise she becomes a completely ineffectual character whose sole narrative purpose is to dote on Lynx. Do not want. This is the way their relationship should go:
Hate -> Dislike -> Familiarity -> Cautious clinging-> Friendship -> Respect -> More respect -> Secret crush -> Unrequited love -> Angst -> Acceptance -> Holyshit Requited Love -> Awkward -> Fuck it -> Lots of sex -> TRWU LUV
Which is perfectly fine to declare, but extremely difficult to actually write and pace properly over 500+ pages.
Oh, I forgot Jiao in there, which is a completely different barrel of fish. I am not sure how I want to handle him at all, because by all rights he should be creepy as fuck. Also, Lynx does some incredibly immoral things in his time as a prince/king/god/dark elf/whatever, I don't know if I can write them properly at all. The biggest issue is a canon event and something I'll probably just have to imply; Lynx essentially rapes Reesimah. Lynx's behavior could be written off on a lot of technicalities (they were already involved, Reesimah neither gave nor specifically denied consent, miscommunication, etc), but when it comes down to it, he forced a woman he had authority over to do something she did not want to do. Whether or not he's a nice guy has nothing to do with it.
I find a lot of things like that extremely difficult to balance. It's so odd, because there's an element of romance to aggression and - a sort of misunderstood or brooding - darkness, but actually stopping to analyze our media reveals a lot of disturbing things about female fantasy. Take Twilight, for example. The formula is one that's not unique by any means - even though Edward watches her while she sleeps, there's something sickeningly romantic about that sort of dominance. Take, for example, Beauty and the Beast. I've LOVED Beauty and the Beast since I was a small, impressionable girl. That doesn't mean it's a healthy fantasy. It it the epitome of an archetype: a woman who calms the beast to find the prince within. Very Byronic Hero.
I don't know if it's the idea of changing and calming a man that's appealing to women (the idea that you will be the one to fix what's broken) or it's the danger and thrill involved that makes it appealing, but there is something inherently sexy about abusive relationships. It's enough to make me throw up my hands in frustration at myself. For example, I absolutely adore Hot Gimmick. It's a terrible affront against human kind, but the fact that the abusive male's character is explained and...dare I say it?...justified within the plot, makes him not frightening at all and instead desirable. Like Edward's behavior in Twilight can be defended because "he really loves her."
It makes me uncomfortable and it makes me feel guilty. Uncomfortable when the discrepancies are pointed out to me and guilty because I have fallen prey to the same trope over and over again in the guise of romance. I don't know why. The only way I've found to deal with this is by preferring relationships with two abusive characters over one abusive, one passive character. A woman that is abusive right back gives the guise of strength while the possessive/abusive male character is still completely attractive. HMC may be an example of this, but I think Howl is a bit too nice. (Too nice! Howl?!)
Edit: As an aside, I think that's the reason I prefer Cloud/Aerith to Cloud/Tifa. Cloud is pretty much the textbook definition of broken love interest. Aerith tries to fix him. Tifa does it by accident after hanging around and wringing her hands. Admittedly, Tifa finds a much better way of dealing with Cloud's angst in Advent Children and I applaud her for that (Mainly: Suck it up or I'll knee you in the balls). I just dislike her completely ineffectual persona for the first half of the game.
So, back to Lynx. He has some odd issues with women in that he doesn't have any issues with women. He does, however, expect them to stand up to his standards. The only prejudices Lynx harbors are the ones he represents. In a racist fantasy world, he is dismissive of his own race and respectful of everybody else's. He was raised in the royal family of a matriarchy, never intended to rule but privileged all the same. He grew up surrounded by strong women and by people who only saw his rank and not his personality. Basically: those who see him as a person he treats as people and those who see him as a title he treats as less than human. This is relatively unfair of him because he tends to judge very quickly and not reverse his opinion.
Back to women, though. Lynx is attractive and a prince. If a woman desires to sleep with him, he assumes it is for his privilege/looks and will use her and throw her out with no qualms on his conscience. Anyone who tries to get close to him (especially nobles), is obviously doing it for personal gain and Lynx will treat them with the same accord and nothing more. It's not specific to women in the slightest, it's just shows up most obviously in his womanizing behavior.
Unfortunately for Starr, in accepting Lynx's offer of protection, she qualified as only using him for his status and got shunted into the 'not-a-person' category. I never said Lynx was fair, but he is relatively consistent. It takes a lot of time (and a lot of bickering) for Lynx to notice her. She's stuck on his ignore list for pretty much the entire first part of the novel.
I ended up adding more female characters into the story because the only ones I was writing (that weren't dead or the four main mary sues) were one-offs and had little or no impact on the world. Akusa is much more developed now and as well as being pitiable and fuck crazy. She has a bit of stockholm syndrome going. Claron is a woman who marries for status and serves to remind Starr that she can't just run away without consequences. Whereas Lynx would by default dismiss her as worthless, her behavior has a strength of its own I intend to point out. Adre is an additional elvan character and an example of a business woman in a fantasy world and Lynx's friend. I don't know if he's slept with her. I suspect yes. There is respect between the two of them, but Lynx is stuck in the "good friend" zone. I doubt he's even ever considered a romantic relationship with her beyond one-time fucking. Zaza is azore (cuz there's like two of them in my entire story) and Lynx hates her because she is extremely good at her job. Essentially - she's Okirun's lawyer.
Now I've lost my train of thought. Something about rape and trying to make Lynx likable. I feel like he may be much more likable in a visual medium - his expressions are adorable. Dunno what to do about rape and womanizing tho.
Sneezing seems to have stopped, maybe I will go to bed.
Can't sleep as every time I go back into my room I start sneezing. I discovered a huge mold deposit right before I went to bed and now my brain has decided to dump a months worth of allergies on me all at once. YAY. I was perfectly fine before I discovered the mold, I don't see why my knowing has to change anything. /unhappy.
So, late night catch-up with the Ouran Host Club Manga.
- Tamaki fangirls are awesome.
- Tamaki is awesome.
- Tamaki and his grandmother bonding over 90s Japanese television dramas is awesome.
Other than that, I have to file four different tax returns which is making my head spin. I've been drawing a bit, but I haven't been writing. I got stuck on the exposition again.
It's incredibly difficult to write at my current juncture because I only have two characters in play for plot dumping. Lynx is the one who knows everything, but as a character he dislikes interacting with people he sees as beneath him. It's incredibly difficult to get him to tell Starr (or the reader) anything. He ends up doing it with a flair of superiority that only pisses Starr off. Starr, being a fiery mary-sue type, has a streak of stubbornness that, once pissed off, prevents her from engaging Lynx for any further information.
Basically - I have three chapters of arguing written for exposition that should take one page to explain. I just need enough to establish both characters' backstories before they get to Thamalia and then I can dump the rest. So:
Backstory -> Racial Relations -> Politics -> Parliament -> Artensia -> Goddesses -> Magic System
Basic mythology and magic is already discussed but I don't have a character who can explain it the right way until Jiao waltzes in. I've ended up adding two additional sets of characters to highlight things that I don't have a chance otherwise: a group for Lynx's military background/to show he actually has friends, and the magicians at the university to give Starr someone to talk to and explain uses/research into magic. The university is boring but if Starr has no one to interact with, Lynx will completely overshadow her in Thamalia. I don't want her to be passive about her predicament. She needs something to keep her occupied otherwise she becomes a completely ineffectual character whose sole narrative purpose is to dote on Lynx. Do not want. This is the way their relationship should go:
Hate -> Dislike -> Familiarity -> Cautious clinging-> Friendship -> Respect -> More respect -> Secret crush -> Unrequited love -> Angst -> Acceptance -> Holyshit Requited Love -> Awkward -> Fuck it -> Lots of sex -> TRWU LUV
Which is perfectly fine to declare, but extremely difficult to actually write and pace properly over 500+ pages.
Oh, I forgot Jiao in there, which is a completely different barrel of fish. I am not sure how I want to handle him at all, because by all rights he should be creepy as fuck. Also, Lynx does some incredibly immoral things in his time as a prince/king/god/dark elf/whatever, I don't know if I can write them properly at all. The biggest issue is a canon event and something I'll probably just have to imply; Lynx essentially rapes Reesimah. Lynx's behavior could be written off on a lot of technicalities (they were already involved, Reesimah neither gave nor specifically denied consent, miscommunication, etc), but when it comes down to it, he forced a woman he had authority over to do something she did not want to do. Whether or not he's a nice guy has nothing to do with it.
I find a lot of things like that extremely difficult to balance. It's so odd, because there's an element of romance to aggression and - a sort of misunderstood or brooding - darkness, but actually stopping to analyze our media reveals a lot of disturbing things about female fantasy. Take Twilight, for example. The formula is one that's not unique by any means - even though Edward watches her while she sleeps, there's something sickeningly romantic about that sort of dominance. Take, for example, Beauty and the Beast. I've LOVED Beauty and the Beast since I was a small, impressionable girl. That doesn't mean it's a healthy fantasy. It it the epitome of an archetype: a woman who calms the beast to find the prince within. Very Byronic Hero.
I don't know if it's the idea of changing and calming a man that's appealing to women (the idea that you will be the one to fix what's broken) or it's the danger and thrill involved that makes it appealing, but there is something inherently sexy about abusive relationships. It's enough to make me throw up my hands in frustration at myself. For example, I absolutely adore Hot Gimmick. It's a terrible affront against human kind, but the fact that the abusive male's character is explained and...dare I say it?...justified within the plot, makes him not frightening at all and instead desirable. Like Edward's behavior in Twilight can be defended because "he really loves her."
It makes me uncomfortable and it makes me feel guilty. Uncomfortable when the discrepancies are pointed out to me and guilty because I have fallen prey to the same trope over and over again in the guise of romance. I don't know why. The only way I've found to deal with this is by preferring relationships with two abusive characters over one abusive, one passive character. A woman that is abusive right back gives the guise of strength while the possessive/abusive male character is still completely attractive. HMC may be an example of this, but I think Howl is a bit too nice. (Too nice! Howl?!)
Edit: As an aside, I think that's the reason I prefer Cloud/Aerith to Cloud/Tifa. Cloud is pretty much the textbook definition of broken love interest. Aerith tries to fix him. Tifa does it by accident after hanging around and wringing her hands. Admittedly, Tifa finds a much better way of dealing with Cloud's angst in Advent Children and I applaud her for that (Mainly: Suck it up or I'll knee you in the balls). I just dislike her completely ineffectual persona for the first half of the game.
So, back to Lynx. He has some odd issues with women in that he doesn't have any issues with women. He does, however, expect them to stand up to his standards. The only prejudices Lynx harbors are the ones he represents. In a racist fantasy world, he is dismissive of his own race and respectful of everybody else's. He was raised in the royal family of a matriarchy, never intended to rule but privileged all the same. He grew up surrounded by strong women and by people who only saw his rank and not his personality. Basically: those who see him as a person he treats as people and those who see him as a title he treats as less than human. This is relatively unfair of him because he tends to judge very quickly and not reverse his opinion.
Back to women, though. Lynx is attractive and a prince. If a woman desires to sleep with him, he assumes it is for his privilege/looks and will use her and throw her out with no qualms on his conscience. Anyone who tries to get close to him (especially nobles), is obviously doing it for personal gain and Lynx will treat them with the same accord and nothing more. It's not specific to women in the slightest, it's just shows up most obviously in his womanizing behavior.
Unfortunately for Starr, in accepting Lynx's offer of protection, she qualified as only using him for his status and got shunted into the 'not-a-person' category. I never said Lynx was fair, but he is relatively consistent. It takes a lot of time (and a lot of bickering) for Lynx to notice her. She's stuck on his ignore list for pretty much the entire first part of the novel.
I ended up adding more female characters into the story because the only ones I was writing (that weren't dead or the four main mary sues) were one-offs and had little or no impact on the world. Akusa is much more developed now and as well as being pitiable and fuck crazy. She has a bit of stockholm syndrome going. Claron is a woman who marries for status and serves to remind Starr that she can't just run away without consequences. Whereas Lynx would by default dismiss her as worthless, her behavior has a strength of its own I intend to point out. Adre is an additional elvan character and an example of a business woman in a fantasy world and Lynx's friend. I don't know if he's slept with her. I suspect yes. There is respect between the two of them, but Lynx is stuck in the "good friend" zone. I doubt he's even ever considered a romantic relationship with her beyond one-time fucking. Zaza is azore (cuz there's like two of them in my entire story) and Lynx hates her because she is extremely good at her job. Essentially - she's Okirun's lawyer.
Now I've lost my train of thought. Something about rape and trying to make Lynx likable. I feel like he may be much more likable in a visual medium - his expressions are adorable. Dunno what to do about rape and womanizing tho.
Sneezing seems to have stopped, maybe I will go to bed.