tutorial drama
In between second and third period ... through all four years of high school... we had tutorial. If girls didn't have time to pass notes they made sure to make up for lost time during tutorial. Yeah ... by talking crap and spreading rumors ... or "stretching" the truth enough to make a new rumor in the twenty minutes they had.
I never really noticed it much because if I did spend any time with girls at tutorial, we were playing Pokemon or discussing politics. If a girl and I ever get along it's one of few reasons. Either she's as nerdy as I am and doesn't "fit in" with other girls, she's too much of a tomboy too care about keeping up with the high maitenence routine most girls go by, or girls just hate her, period.
I've heard so many possible reasons as to why girls may not like me. The number one reason is that they're intimidated by 'how well' I get along with guys. Well let's just put that excuse in the bull-s pile right now, because it's crap. I've got substantial evidence to prove this point. Girls hated me ever since I can remember and girls definitely did not care about socializing with boys at the age of like, four.
I used to go to bed praying that I'd turn into a petite blonde because I thought then, they'd stop teasing me. I used to sit at lunch with the really weird kids... like the ones that did crazier stuff then eat glue just because no one else liked me. After earning the reputation I had earned by 4th grade (I was the "girl who got molested") it just got worse.
To this very day I question why girls hate me, I seem to always think over the same stuff I thought about when I was little... "Is it because I'm tall and I have dark hair?" "Maybe it's because I've been molested and I'm too embarrassing to be seen with" ... It sucks that my self-esteem is really this low and even worse, that I'm admitting it. But, I swear now that I'm 21 I know that a girl can't hate me because of either of those reasons, and if they did, I don't think that I'd care.
God said that people who have miserable lives will have wonderful lives in Heaven. Maybe that's what it's all about. But still, it eats me up that girls still taunt me, that they still hate me for no reason, that they still talk and lie about me. I just want a valid reason. To end the mystery of 18+ years would be so nice.
I guess now I understand what I missed out on during all those tutorials when all those girls stood in circles laughing out loud. I always knew that they were either talking about boys or talking trash on another girl and I always thought it was stupid ... I guess I was just pretending though. Because now all I want to do, is fit in. At 21, I wish I could re-do tutorial.
I never really noticed it much because if I did spend any time with girls at tutorial, we were playing Pokemon or discussing politics. If a girl and I ever get along it's one of few reasons. Either she's as nerdy as I am and doesn't "fit in" with other girls, she's too much of a tomboy too care about keeping up with the high maitenence routine most girls go by, or girls just hate her, period.
I've heard so many possible reasons as to why girls may not like me. The number one reason is that they're intimidated by 'how well' I get along with guys. Well let's just put that excuse in the bull-s pile right now, because it's crap. I've got substantial evidence to prove this point. Girls hated me ever since I can remember and girls definitely did not care about socializing with boys at the age of like, four.
I used to go to bed praying that I'd turn into a petite blonde because I thought then, they'd stop teasing me. I used to sit at lunch with the really weird kids... like the ones that did crazier stuff then eat glue just because no one else liked me. After earning the reputation I had earned by 4th grade (I was the "girl who got molested") it just got worse.
To this very day I question why girls hate me, I seem to always think over the same stuff I thought about when I was little... "Is it because I'm tall and I have dark hair?" "Maybe it's because I've been molested and I'm too embarrassing to be seen with" ... It sucks that my self-esteem is really this low and even worse, that I'm admitting it. But, I swear now that I'm 21 I know that a girl can't hate me because of either of those reasons, and if they did, I don't think that I'd care.
God said that people who have miserable lives will have wonderful lives in Heaven. Maybe that's what it's all about. But still, it eats me up that girls still taunt me, that they still hate me for no reason, that they still talk and lie about me. I just want a valid reason. To end the mystery of 18+ years would be so nice.
I guess now I understand what I missed out on during all those tutorials when all those girls stood in circles laughing out loud. I always knew that they were either talking about boys or talking trash on another girl and I always thought it was stupid ... I guess I was just pretending though. Because now all I want to do, is fit in. At 21, I wish I could re-do tutorial.