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Aug 12, 2005 11:56

i wrote this letter to an old friend who emailed me
its my inner most thoughts right now and i just thought id put it here

thanks lindsay, for taking the time to email me and what not.. yeah its pretty fucked up. and i feel really wierd, and it just seems like he's gone on a trip or something. the funeral was yesterday and i guess they are supposed to give you some sort of closure, but it still too wierd to imagine. its fucking lenny. and i was his little girl, and now there is so much shit...like our house is huge, and its surrounded by a big yard and and so many flowers and all this shit my dad took care of and now its just like...what now.

last night me and my best friend amber sat in her car and talked about the most fucked up shit..like my outlook on life is totally fucked right now. and i cant understand any of it. i accept the fact that life is life and sometimes its just shitty but now im just waiting for it to happen. everyone i love is going to die one day, or ill die, and i wont have to deal with it. she asked me what id rather, and id honestly rather die.

im afraid for my mom the most, she has the shittiest flashbacks and cries even when she's sleeping... and every night we go to bed, cause i sleep with her now, she hopes that my dad will visit her in her dreams.

honestly, even though its human nature, dont take your parents for granted. its hard to say that, but try so hard to tell them every day you love them and shit. cause life is fucked, and shit happens, and you never know when.
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