Hmphm...
Wow...
So I got rejected yesterday. More than I ever have in my entire life. It was terrible. I felt like shit - in fact! I still feel like shit! It's not even the person that rejected me, it's the fact that I got rejected! For the past month or so...ALL the guys were after me haha. I mean seriously...every body wants me, lol. I was riding on a huge confidence boost, and then BAMM - REJECTION! I've never felt so bad about someone else hurting me. Now I know...never to come on to anyone remotely attractive ever again. Apparently those are the only ones who don't like me [with one exception I can think of]. Honestly, now my self confidence is rotting away. I feel terrible, and I even see my self differently in the mirror. I kinda just wanna die.
5 days until Jeffy comes to Florida! I'm really really really excited! I miss him so much! He's one of my best friends and I never get to see him. That's one thing, though, that really pissed me off about Allen. He was always mad about me still being friends with Jeff because he thought I was obsessed with him. I don't know if he realized that he was best friend and I never got to say goodbye. That is, at least, until this summer. I got closure this summer, which was good. 3 hugs to finish off the deal. =)
I'm pretty sure James hates me now, though. I'm really sad about that. I still want to be best friends with him, but I think he might think I only like him like him and that's it. I love James to death, and I still want to hang out with him all the time. Same as I did before.
I'm really glad I have the friends I do...I just feel like shit all of the time. To be honest, majority of the friends I actually hang out with [besides Kelly and Skyler] are disrespectful. At least in some way or another. Whether it is making a shit load of noise in my apartment, not saying thank you when I offer to buy shit, or basically just acting like I'm not there; I always feel like shit. I noticed, yesterday, that I guess I really don't fit in. I don't enjoy putting all of my energy in a SSB competition, or listening to insane music, or beating the shit out of people. I don't enjoy that. I'd honestly rather be talking with my friends. I think I know, now, that I can only hang out with friends alone. I don't like people when they're around others. For instance, Nick. I can have a totally normal intellectual or emotional conversation with Nick and I will enjoy it. But when I hang out with him and his friends or with other people; it's not the same. Yeah, I like to laugh, but I like to be serious too. I kind of wish that I could hang out with Nick just me and him sometime before I start school. He's one of the only friends I know that I never hang out with alone really EVER.
I'm really sad and excited that I'm moving; I have mixed feelings. I'm glad to get out of my parents house and away from their "rules". But I'm sad because I don't know anyone there. I'm afraid to be alone all the time; it's going to be weird. I don't think my friends will miss me. I think they'll be like "we'll miss you!" but won't actually miss me. I don't think I'll be missed at all. Im not that special, and there isn't anything fantastic about me; it shouldn't be that hard to replace me. Kayla and Nick will just ride the bus home like Kayla always wants to anyway. Mallori will find someone else that she likes better than me anyway. James will find another babe lookin' for a man. Kelly will find another person to hang out with everyday. I think, though, Kelly will probably be the one who misses me the most. It will probably be a little harder to replace all the shit Kelly and I do. The only friend I can think of that I have had that has never replaced me with anyone was: Jeff. And that's because we have a special friendship I guess. Even then, when he was with Becky...we never talked.
I'm trying to meet some new people in Orlando, and hopefully I will be successful. There are a lot of really nice, attractive people there so I don't see why not. I just hope I fit in with someone there. I don't fit in here, so let's hope I have a place somewhere.
That's all.
Christy
I thought livejournal would be the ideal place to bitch and spill my guts out.
So I got rejected yesterday. More than I ever have in my entire life. It was terrible. I felt like shit - in fact! I still feel like shit! It's not even the person that rejected me, it's the fact that I got rejected! For the past month or so...ALL the guys were after me haha. I mean seriously...every body wants me, lol. I was riding on a huge confidence boost, and then BAMM - REJECTION! I've never felt so bad about someone else hurting me. Now I know...never to come on to anyone remotely attractive ever again. Apparently those are the only ones who don't like me [with one exception I can think of]. Honestly, now my self confidence is rotting away. I feel terrible, and I even see my self differently in the mirror. I kinda just wanna die.
5 days until Jeffy comes to Florida! I'm really really really excited! I miss him so much! He's one of my best friends and I never get to see him. That's one thing, though, that really pissed me off about Allen. He was always mad about me still being friends with Jeff because he thought I was obsessed with him. I don't know if he realized that he was best friend and I never got to say goodbye. That is, at least, until this summer. I got closure this summer, which was good. 3 hugs to finish off the deal. =)
I'm pretty sure James hates me now, though. I'm really sad about that. I still want to be best friends with him, but I think he might think I only like him like him and that's it. I love James to death, and I still want to hang out with him all the time. Same as I did before.
I'm really glad I have the friends I do...I just feel like shit all of the time. To be honest, majority of the friends I actually hang out with [besides Kelly and Skyler] are disrespectful. At least in some way or another. Whether it is making a shit load of noise in my apartment, not saying thank you when I offer to buy shit, or basically just acting like I'm not there; I always feel like shit. I noticed, yesterday, that I guess I really don't fit in. I don't enjoy putting all of my energy in a SSB competition, or listening to insane music, or beating the shit out of people. I don't enjoy that. I'd honestly rather be talking with my friends. I think I know, now, that I can only hang out with friends alone. I don't like people when they're around others. For instance, Nick. I can have a totally normal intellectual or emotional conversation with Nick and I will enjoy it. But when I hang out with him and his friends or with other people; it's not the same. Yeah, I like to laugh, but I like to be serious too. I kind of wish that I could hang out with Nick just me and him sometime before I start school. He's one of the only friends I know that I never hang out with alone really EVER.
I'm really sad and excited that I'm moving; I have mixed feelings. I'm glad to get out of my parents house and away from their "rules". But I'm sad because I don't know anyone there. I'm afraid to be alone all the time; it's going to be weird. I don't think my friends will miss me. I think they'll be like "we'll miss you!" but won't actually miss me. I don't think I'll be missed at all. Im not that special, and there isn't anything fantastic about me; it shouldn't be that hard to replace me. Kayla and Nick will just ride the bus home like Kayla always wants to anyway. Mallori will find someone else that she likes better than me anyway. James will find another babe lookin' for a man. Kelly will find another person to hang out with everyday. I think, though, Kelly will probably be the one who misses me the most. It will probably be a little harder to replace all the shit Kelly and I do. The only friend I can think of that I have had that has never replaced me with anyone was: Jeff. And that's because we have a special friendship I guess. Even then, when he was with Becky...we never talked.
I'm trying to meet some new people in Orlando, and hopefully I will be successful. There are a lot of really nice, attractive people there so I don't see why not. I just hope I fit in with someone there. I don't fit in here, so let's hope I have a place somewhere.
That's all.
Christy
I thought livejournal would be the ideal place to bitch and spill my guts out.