(no subject)
i think i am probably finished with the old journal here, as i have been for some time, for any purpose other than a message board. I think a closing entry is fitting since this was a outlet of significance for me for some time. Its not because ive joined those of the opinion that its the armpit of the internet or anything, im just not comfortable putting my thoughts here anymore.
for a time i thought it was sufficient to just fill my desktop and bedroom with pages of cluttered writings and related things, I do think that putting them in some type of public forum is way more beneficial than i previously gave it credit for... even if not for feedback (since im really not sure who exactly would read something of that nature let alone respond) just for the feeling that comes with knowing that ive released it all into the wild and have to own up to remembering that it came from me. not to mention i just like reading it later, im glad i have this here even if much of it is embarrassing nonsense that makes me shake my head in shame coupled with record of the times i have been inebriated and in the vicinity of a internet connection. the main problem i am facing is knowing that i have changed so much in the past several years, but not being able to really remember being so different. when i make extensive series of wrong turns id like to know where they began, and i like to remember when i was happiest and why.
the way that i write when i do it strictly for immediate release, is of no use to me later... in the rare instances that it is somehow spared from being destroyed, i have no idea what i am talking about when i read it even a few months after. I usually just end up very confused or worried that I might have gone insane for a while without realizing it, and i wonder what else i may have done in this crazy episode that i dont have any recollection of. I dont consider myself good at writing by any account, but nevertheless it is something i do and something i have used to get through many a rough spot and not often enough to make record of pleasantly smooth ones. Im just plain forgetful... in the past week+ ive misplaced: my keys, my spare house key, my debit card, my phone and my ability to style my hair in any way i am pleased with. i also somehow just forgot all of the reasons why i dont listen to certain music in certain moods, and this misunderstanding caused some easily avoidable discomfort and frustration. i gotta write stuff down, man.
intent to organize:
+a log of business related information and things ive learned so far with ---insert business name i dont know if i want to release in correlation with this journal--- for use of anyone begining similar endeavors
+a collection of variousthings and created images (of squirrels mostly) already existing joined with a record of STUFF to come
+a more impersonal open forum for whatever i deem significant for any reason, ANY???
and i'll see which ones stick. the links will probably get posted here regardless of the reality of any purpose for doing so, mainly because id rather not face the heartbreak of saying "so if anyone wants the linxxx..." and getting no responses (sadlip/frown/wellingtears etc)
for a time i thought it was sufficient to just fill my desktop and bedroom with pages of cluttered writings and related things, I do think that putting them in some type of public forum is way more beneficial than i previously gave it credit for... even if not for feedback (since im really not sure who exactly would read something of that nature let alone respond) just for the feeling that comes with knowing that ive released it all into the wild and have to own up to remembering that it came from me. not to mention i just like reading it later, im glad i have this here even if much of it is embarrassing nonsense that makes me shake my head in shame coupled with record of the times i have been inebriated and in the vicinity of a internet connection. the main problem i am facing is knowing that i have changed so much in the past several years, but not being able to really remember being so different. when i make extensive series of wrong turns id like to know where they began, and i like to remember when i was happiest and why.
the way that i write when i do it strictly for immediate release, is of no use to me later... in the rare instances that it is somehow spared from being destroyed, i have no idea what i am talking about when i read it even a few months after. I usually just end up very confused or worried that I might have gone insane for a while without realizing it, and i wonder what else i may have done in this crazy episode that i dont have any recollection of. I dont consider myself good at writing by any account, but nevertheless it is something i do and something i have used to get through many a rough spot and not often enough to make record of pleasantly smooth ones. Im just plain forgetful... in the past week+ ive misplaced: my keys, my spare house key, my debit card, my phone and my ability to style my hair in any way i am pleased with. i also somehow just forgot all of the reasons why i dont listen to certain music in certain moods, and this misunderstanding caused some easily avoidable discomfort and frustration. i gotta write stuff down, man.
intent to organize:
+a log of business related information and things ive learned so far with ---insert business name i dont know if i want to release in correlation with this journal--- for use of anyone begining similar endeavors
+a collection of variousthings and created images (of squirrels mostly) already existing joined with a record of STUFF to come
+a more impersonal open forum for whatever i deem significant for any reason, ANY???
and i'll see which ones stick. the links will probably get posted here regardless of the reality of any purpose for doing so, mainly because id rather not face the heartbreak of saying "so if anyone wants the linxxx..." and getting no responses (sadlip/frown/wellingtears etc)