(no subject)
my tiny fists beat against your chest while our drunken attempts to dance fail miserably. i want away from this crowded dance floor, and out of the air we're both breathing. it's suffocating the both of us at dizzying speeds and i cannot breathe around you. and this worries me. i was levelheaded before you pinned me up against the wall, and i'm still levelheaded as i peel away from it, but my heart is beating erratically. i'm tired of almost everything at this point and my the bones in my feet are breaking under the pressure. the clock on your wristwatch glows iridescent green, iridescent 1am and i’m ready to go home.
the bodies on the patio still chatter shamelessly as numbers and saliva are exchanged during the last call for drinks. flecks of ash from a jealous girlfriend burn my arm reminding me this is her "game" i am balancing on, but funny she doesn't care her tongue is down someone else's throat. the absurdity of the situation reminds me why i don't hook up with people at clubs, and i remind myself this every 2 minutes on the way to your car, during the drive to your apartment, up the stairs, through the doorway, and on your bed as my clothes fall around me.
reminders don’t serve me well as the 4 jack and cokes you bought for dinner earlier and i would remember rolling over in your bed, not knowing quite exactly who you were. it took me touch, sense, and sight to give warmth to the shadow laying next to me. you weren't imaginary, but another shape that my hands would find symmetry within. the concave of your chest, the shallow breathing, and the taste of sweat and alcohol when i kissed your neck to make sure you were alive.
you reminded me who you were and i didn't care. surely you couldn't care that i didn't remember, when the person next to you wasn't a person, but another girl who came stumbling "home." i woke mid-morning tangled in sheer exhaustion but mostly still sleeping, suspended within intoxication from the night's events. movie projector dreams played back the mistakes and selfish desires of that evenings choices and it was entertaining at best. you were cute. i was drunk. and really, it didn't matter anymore. IT never had to matter.
and so this would start my “relationship” with you. the new method of dating i had instilled in what i thought was my logical mind and reasoning. choosing you for a brief period of obsession based on my assessment of your personality, and then after the novelty and perfection wore out, tossing you aside like the asshole you were. you just cleverly concealing your faults from me in exchange for a temporary ego boost. seeing an imperfect person perfectly some would say and for 3 or 4 weeks you would hold my rapt gaze. it was either that or the 4 month casual fling, detailing random text messages and phone calls for “sleepovers” or “hanging out”, but i thought i liked you more than the one from before. mine was a choose your adventure sort of dating and i chose yours as you chose mine. we would both play the game and turn the pages eagerly but each die a violent death pages 51, 52 respectively.
the bodies on the patio still chatter shamelessly as numbers and saliva are exchanged during the last call for drinks. flecks of ash from a jealous girlfriend burn my arm reminding me this is her "game" i am balancing on, but funny she doesn't care her tongue is down someone else's throat. the absurdity of the situation reminds me why i don't hook up with people at clubs, and i remind myself this every 2 minutes on the way to your car, during the drive to your apartment, up the stairs, through the doorway, and on your bed as my clothes fall around me.
reminders don’t serve me well as the 4 jack and cokes you bought for dinner earlier and i would remember rolling over in your bed, not knowing quite exactly who you were. it took me touch, sense, and sight to give warmth to the shadow laying next to me. you weren't imaginary, but another shape that my hands would find symmetry within. the concave of your chest, the shallow breathing, and the taste of sweat and alcohol when i kissed your neck to make sure you were alive.
you reminded me who you were and i didn't care. surely you couldn't care that i didn't remember, when the person next to you wasn't a person, but another girl who came stumbling "home." i woke mid-morning tangled in sheer exhaustion but mostly still sleeping, suspended within intoxication from the night's events. movie projector dreams played back the mistakes and selfish desires of that evenings choices and it was entertaining at best. you were cute. i was drunk. and really, it didn't matter anymore. IT never had to matter.
and so this would start my “relationship” with you. the new method of dating i had instilled in what i thought was my logical mind and reasoning. choosing you for a brief period of obsession based on my assessment of your personality, and then after the novelty and perfection wore out, tossing you aside like the asshole you were. you just cleverly concealing your faults from me in exchange for a temporary ego boost. seeing an imperfect person perfectly some would say and for 3 or 4 weeks you would hold my rapt gaze. it was either that or the 4 month casual fling, detailing random text messages and phone calls for “sleepovers” or “hanging out”, but i thought i liked you more than the one from before. mine was a choose your adventure sort of dating and i chose yours as you chose mine. we would both play the game and turn the pages eagerly but each die a violent death pages 51, 52 respectively.