Toe in the water
Having decided about 18 months ago that perhaps, just maybe, I might be feeling nearly almost kind-of open to the idea of, maybe having a relationship again after 6 years single, the excruciating truth is I really have no idea how.
The men that I find myself attracted to have repeatedly revealed themselves to be the kind of person I find it hard to be friends with. This is a problem. My freinds of course think its hillarious. And mostly it is. Except when its hopelessly and repetitively tragic.
Just before heading away to New Zealand I happened to go out on both the friday and the saturday night with mates, and the lovely Boffinbear. That weekend some Twilight Zone twistedness unexpectedly thrust into my company all four of the men I had attempted to couple with through the previous 18months. Each of them reacted to suddenly seeing me in their own ways, and of course my reactions were stray in kind.
Various states of inebriation, the nature of the end of our affairs, the length of time having passed all were factors, but I was left realising that, out of the four: I had made two real and deep friends I will cherish; met one psychiatric patient; and that there is one who I just can't fathom at all - a mass of hot/cold mysteriousness that I find hopelessly frustrating, but pathetically attractive.
Last week I was at the pub waiting to meet Rick for dinner when an old aquaintance, (and friend-of-friend) approached me to let me know that he had been flirting with me two years ago when we met, but that I apparently hadn't been interested, and now he wondered if that had changed. I was a little gobsmacked because I had thought he was 'too handsome' and just being flirtatious because he found it fun. So I bit my pride and asked him out and he gave me his number.
What has followed is a week of me calling/texting and him putting me off til later. I have kept open my plans every day on the stupid assumption that he might eventually make good on that meeting, and now its friday and I have no plans, and no date again.
Men suck. And not in a good way. The park is just so much more reliable.
The men that I find myself attracted to have repeatedly revealed themselves to be the kind of person I find it hard to be friends with. This is a problem. My freinds of course think its hillarious. And mostly it is. Except when its hopelessly and repetitively tragic.
Just before heading away to New Zealand I happened to go out on both the friday and the saturday night with mates, and the lovely Boffinbear. That weekend some Twilight Zone twistedness unexpectedly thrust into my company all four of the men I had attempted to couple with through the previous 18months. Each of them reacted to suddenly seeing me in their own ways, and of course my reactions were stray in kind.
Various states of inebriation, the nature of the end of our affairs, the length of time having passed all were factors, but I was left realising that, out of the four: I had made two real and deep friends I will cherish; met one psychiatric patient; and that there is one who I just can't fathom at all - a mass of hot/cold mysteriousness that I find hopelessly frustrating, but pathetically attractive.
Last week I was at the pub waiting to meet Rick for dinner when an old aquaintance, (and friend-of-friend) approached me to let me know that he had been flirting with me two years ago when we met, but that I apparently hadn't been interested, and now he wondered if that had changed. I was a little gobsmacked because I had thought he was 'too handsome' and just being flirtatious because he found it fun. So I bit my pride and asked him out and he gave me his number.
What has followed is a week of me calling/texting and him putting me off til later. I have kept open my plans every day on the stupid assumption that he might eventually make good on that meeting, and now its friday and I have no plans, and no date again.
Men suck. And not in a good way. The park is just so much more reliable.