All The Things We Didn't Do ~ Neid Lil BB

[eastsidersfan]

Title:All The Things we didn't do !
Author/Artist: Eastsidersfan
Word Count: 4259
Beta: None- Please forgive any mistakes! All my own.
Characters: Noah Mayer , Reid Oliver , Luke Snyder
Rating: Nc17
Warnings: Bad Language - Sexual content

Thanks for letting me take part in this Neid Lil'Bang and write my interpretation of this missing scene.

Disclaimer: ATWT characters are owned by Telenext; no copyright infringement intended.

Summary: Noah reflects on his relationship with one Doctor Reid Oliver.

A/N: Missing Scene … Luke and Noah by Snyder Pond after Reid's death. Luke is telling Noah all things he and Reid never got to do...whilst Noah is remembering the things him and Reid did do...



~~~~~~****~~~~~~

"I keep thinking of all the things we didn't do" an agitated Luke spat out while he tried in vain to reign in his emotions.

"Wanna know what was on the top of that list?" he whispered continuing on in his emotional turmoil.

Noah looked over at his friend - his onetime lover ... Sadness etched across his face. He silently berated himself...for the feelings he tried to keep buried deep down .. God he wanted to be anywhere else but here.

Guilt washing all over him.

"Yeah...alright Ok .. You can tell me anything Luke -you know that " he whispered back.

Luke continued to stare out over Snyder pond his eyes empty, his demeanour defeated

“Reid and I had never made love. That sure beats going to a movie. Right?" Luke confessed.

Noah whipped his head around taking a minute to digest what Luke had just shared him. He inhaled a deep stabilizing breath… guilt trying to force its way out...in an unspoken confession... Visions flashed through his mind threatening to rise to the surface.

Bile rose from the depths of his stomach.

No...No! Oh my god … No.. please not that... anything but that… I've got to hold myself together! Luke needs me!

Noah reached for the side of his face, his cheeks burning, his hand unknowingly scratching his over heated flesh try in vain to disguise his discomfort, his inner self battling with the internal panic that was rising to the surface.

"Um..er...Why - why hadn't you?" he stammered out uncomfortably

"We were waiting" Luke’s flat monotone voice returned.

"And whose idea was that?" Noah couldn't stop himself from quizzing Luke, he needed to know. Why he needed this answer - he had no clue.

"Mine" came the short one word response.

Noah looked up catching Luke’s eye.

"Surprised huh? Me - Luke Snyder wanting to wait for something!"

"No. I know what making love means to you Luke " he choked out.

Noah could hardly speak as images were now whizzing through his mind. Images that should never have happened … Images that would and could change the fabric of his and Luke’s relationship forever.

Luke ranted on spilling out more of his life without Noah; about his life with Reid...he continued on his mission until he finally broke down completely sobbing uncontrollable, burying his face deep into Noah chest, his hands gripping for dear life to Noah’s now tear stained shirt .

Noah just held on. Holding Luke firmly in his arms, comforting him. Telling him everything would be ok .
That Reid knew he loved him.

That Reid had understood why they had waited.

He felt like the worst son of a bitch in existence. His mind whirling with undesired images of that night just days ago … That one god dam night !!!

~*~

Noah exited from the shower, god he felt dirty. It had been one hell of a day. It wasn't the day he expected when he had fallen out of bed that morning.

How could Luke have asked him that?
What made Luke think he owed that son of a bitch Neurosurgeon anything?
He was just doing his job. Right !

He never cared about him, he was just another way for the almighty Dr Oliver to boost his over exaggerated ego!

So what if he’d given him his eyesight back ? Did he do that for him? No! Like hell he did.

He did that just to get into Luke's pants. He wanted his boyfriend from the get go and restoring his eye sight was just a means to an end.

Noah dried himself off quickly forgoing his usual boxer briefs - commando was the order of the night as he grabbed for his bath robe throwing it unceremoniously around his body as he walked out into his lounge room. Ali was out, so he could be a slob and… just hang out. He chuckled to himself as he eased his way round the furniture towards the kitchen.

He winced slightly as he pulled the belt of his rob tighter around himself, his hand still throbbed from where he had punched Reid Oliver that afternoon, at the Lakeside Hotel. A smug satisfaction etched across his lips as he gently caressed his hand basking in the glow of a job well done.

A thrill shot through his body as he remembered the satisfying crunch when his fist made contact with that smug nose. He hoped he had broken it. Causing the man some physical pain sure felt good. He deserved it didn't he?

After what Reid had said to him at his appointment earlier that morning .. Admitting his role, in his and Luke’s break up, them both agreeing it was time to part with their patient/doctor relationship - Noah smoothed the graze on his knuckle - he felt vindicated. Yes, vindicated.

Geez that guy was unreal!! Noah thought as he moved to his refrigerator to grab a bite to eat. Punching someone sure makes you hungry; he laughed out loud at his own internal thoughts .

A sudden knock at the door made him jump which resulted in him dropping the bottle of juice all over the floor.

"Goddamn it" he bellowed. No doubt Alison had forgot her keys again! What am I going to do with that girl he thought to himself.

Opening the door he started to joke.

"When are you going to learn to put your keys in your purse Ali..." he stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes took in the person who was standing opposite him.

He looked up into the eyes of his arch rival … The nemesis from hell Dr. Reid Oliver.

"You!" Noah spat out disbelieve resonating in that single word.

"Yeah .. It’s me or it was the last time I looked in the mirror...which I guess would have been when I last checked to see if you had broken my nose or not” Reid waited for a reaction when one did not come he continued on ...

“Not that YOU give a damn about the damaged you caused! Seeing how you haven’t bothered to enquire on my well-being Mayer” Reid scolded.

Noah just couldn't help himself "I hope I did break it. Does it hurt real good?" he taunted.

"Why you ungrateful piece of shit! Reid screamed out.

“Luke asked you to do one thing! One thing! Be nice to that woman. You couldn't even do that! Could you! For him! The man you say you love! You need teaching a lesson Mayer! " Reid roared angrily as he forced the door open, kicking it shut behind him, grabbing hold of the lapels of Noah's robe and slamming him up against the wall.

"Oh yeah? You and whose army Oliver?" Noah goaded back, somehow unable to stop himself as the adrenaline pumped through his veins, making his heart pound through his chest, as he watched the anger flash through Reid's eyes.

"What you going to do? Hit me?" Noah sneered continuing on without thought.

"Oh you would love that wouldn't you Mayer? Then you could go and run back to Luke crying like baby that 'The Big Bad Doctor' had hit you! You’d love that wouldn't you?!? Go on admit it!"

"Wouldn't you!" Reid's voice bellowed, spit escaping from his lips as he moved closer to Noah’s face his hands now firmly grasping onto Noah’s biceps shaking him uncontrollably in his rage.

Noah could feel Reid’s hot breathe on his face as he got nearer and nearer. It smelt of peppermint and coffee sending a wave of something down his spine right through to his groin .. It was a something Noah refused to acknowledge.

"WOULDN'T YOU!" Reid continued to bellow.

Noah just stared back - uncertain what to do.

This man clearly insane! Noah thoughts were running wild, trying to buy the time he needed to figure out how he was going to get away from this lunatic!

Reid was holding him so firmly he was sure he’d would leave bruises.

A tinge of - what exactly - Noah didn't know curled in the pit of his stomach - he didn't want to confront the feelings which were now coursing through his veins, he needed to get himself out of this manic situation - But yet, he couldn't stop himself yelling back in reply to the mad man’s request.

"Yes I would! You got it in one … Go on hit me! I dare you! I’d love to see you get what’s coming to you. For Luke to see who you really are!" he goaded again … unable to stop himself from retaliating further .. Why does he always get a reaction out of me?

Noah was shocked when Reid suddenly let go on him, and took one measured step back. Then Reid placed both of his hands on his cheek's pressing hard. Centering Noah's face. Making him look him in the eye.

"No. I won't hit you. Why would I risk destroying your sight which I worked my ass off to give back to you - by the way? You're one selfish motherfucker Noah Mayer. I could hit you … easily . But that’s not going to happen. You’re not worth it " He sneered.

Reid's anger was burning him up inside, swirling around in the pit of his stomach. Something was going to give and it was going to give in a big way.

Reid just stood holding firmly onto Noah’s face why the hell he hadn't let go he had no clue.

His brain was not functioning clearly..if he didn’t know any better, he would tell himself to go see a doctor first thing tomorrow.

The seconds ticked by as they both stood staring at one another. A standoff of sorts - both not moving, both daring not to breathe.

Damn it .. Reid made the next move.

No explanation could ever be given for what he did next.

Noah suddenly felt Reid's lips crash against his - WHAT THE FUCK?!? His brain screamed out as he tried in vain to keep his mouth firmly closed. But he was helpless against the onslaught of Reid's lips against his.

Yes, he Noah Mayer - would admit it this man could kiss.

This man - his arch enemy was yet again getting a reaction out of him - but it was not the reaction Noah wanted to give .

Noah responded with vigour; matching Reid’s tongue action stroke for stroke.

Suddenly the need to breathe encompassed them, it became urgent, both breaking apart, both gasping for air. Each stood staring at the other. Both unflinching. Both refusing to be the first to drop their gaze.

~*~

"Fuck you!" Reid spat out as he pushed against Noah’s chest, turning his back on Noah as he reached for the door handle..to make his escape.

Noah grabbed Reid's jacket, turning him around he pounded him up against the wall with an almighty thud.

"No! Fuck you Doctor Oliver! You just can’t come here to MY home and push you’re goddamn weight around .. Then...Then have the fucking nerve to kiss me - without my permission might I add - and expect to walk away from me without saying a goddamn word in return .. No it's not going to work like that" Noah angrily shouted back.

Reid’s eyes were wild, his pupils blown as he took in every inch of Noah’s demeanour. He was wound up tighter than a cog.

Reid could feel the tension bound up in Noah’s muscles.

Suddenly, Noah swooped down without warning and captured his mouth, their lips once again smashing together as if there was no tomorrow, their tongues battling for sheer dominance - both embroiled in a vortex of anger charged sexual emotion.

Reid pushed Noah back with all the strength he could muster, considering he had a mass of angry muscle pinning him to the wall, he didn't do too bad.

"Get you fucking hands of me Mayer" he spat out.

"What you’re not enjoying yourself?" Noah replied with as much venom as he could dig up pushing Reid right back up against the wall, tearing off his jacket.

"Your dick is telling me otherwise Dr Oliver … Not much of a Doctor are you if you can’t tell when your body is reacting to stimuli ‘ Noah taunted a very un-character like sneer on his face.

Noah could not believe the way he was acting. He never behaved like this. He was always controlled. Always in command of his feelings. He never let his anger take over. But god this was something else.

This man had awakened something in him and he was reveling in the feeling of being out of control .. It felt liberating.

Reid struggled with the knowledge that Noah was right.
His traitorous body was reacting to their kisses.
Fucking traitor that’s what his body was - a traitor to him and to his self -control.

Reid could see how much this was affecting Noah too. His bath robe had come undone in their struggle and Noah’s huge erection was standing out loud and proud rubbing enticingly against Reid’s thigh.

Reid gulped as Noah gingerly moved his hand down and stroked Reid’s groin his cock eagerly responding to every little touch.

Reid didn't move when Noah expertly placed his hand down the inside his pants. He didn't move when Noah ran his thumb across the now leaking head of his cock but he did quietly thank god that he hadn't removed his surgical scrubs before coming to Noah's apartment, one less barrier to contend with, he mused, Reid shook his head what was he thinking - he couldn't do this!

This is not the way it was supposed to go!

He hadn't planned this. This was not what he had in mind when he had left the hospital. He wanted to put Mayer in his place. He’d wanted to show him .. Show him what? He had no clue now.

How could he know what he wanted when Noah was slowly and somewhat tentatively running his hand over the full length of his overly hard cock.

“What! You afraid of it Mayer” Reid choked out with some malice between gasps.Trying to sound brave and in control .

Noah’s rhythm stuttered as he stroked the heavy cock in his hand, taking in what Reid had just said to him .. He smirked inwardly to himself - challenge accepted.

“You wish Dr Oliver” Noah replied, trying hard not to give away the fact that he was terrified - that he had no clue what he was doing. He wasn't exactly experienced in the sex department. Luke had been his only male sexual partner. But he must be doing something right - if the moans and groans that were being released from the man currently pinned between his body and the wall had anything to say on the matter.

Reid couldn't believe it. The son of a bitch hadn't back down - he had taken it as a challenge and was now in the process of pushing Reid scrubs further down his thighs and Reid was powerless to stop him.

His breath caught in his throat as Noah spat in his palm and systematically grabbed both of their dicks in his large callous hand. Noah stared defiantly into his eyes, daring him to say something as he began to strok ever so gently. With each overly slow stroke, Reid’s world began to come undone.

Each movement brought him closer and closer to falling over that invisible edge. On each down ward stroke - his body keened like a fucking women begging for more … this was all wrong he was no fragile virgin.

“For Fucks sake if you’re going to jerk me off - fucking jerk me off! I’m not made of spun glass I’m not a fucking women” Reid gasped out angrily.

Noah’s body jumped. The silence broken by Reid’s demanding outburst.

'I fucking hate this man' Noah thought to himself, as he pushed his body firmly up against Reid’s. He quickly moved his left arm and placed it firmly under Reid’s chin, anchoring him up against the wall, not giving him an inch to move in any direction.

With his right hand .. He re-evaluated his grasp - both cocks were now held firmly within his palm. With a rough upward jerk he began to move his hand in a manner that would bring any one else in this position to their knees. But the combination of anger-hate-adrenaline...had pushed him, NO pushed them both past the point of no return.

“Feel more like a man now Oliver .. I aim to please" Noah ground out sarcastically between harsh unstable breaths.

Both men were grunting and panting with each rough movement, both knowing that the end was not too far away. Sweat dripped down Noah’s face and body. His palm losing it’s grasp at times, losing some momentum as he stroked both of them to completion.

Noah was determined to get Reid off first - there was no way in hell - that he was going to give him the satisfaction of coming first ..no way in hell.

Reid groaned and his body stiffened as his cock - the traitor - spurted out long ropes of come all over Noah’s hand, some landing on Noah’s taught abdominal muscles. Noah groaned in agreement as seconds later his body emulated Reid’s and erupted in a long steady stream of his own release.

Both men now stood holding onto to each other, both showing vulnerability in what they had done. Both waiting for the other to react. Noah’s left arm had fallen and was now resting gently on Reid's shoulder, each one leaning against the others forehead, both taking the time to calm their bodies down and re-group their thoughts before reality came to claim them.

~*~

As both of them came down from their anger based high.. Reality bit!

Both realizing what they had done - Horror, loathing, shame, guilt filled both men.

Noah felt degraded .. What would Luke say? What would Luke do to him?

He loved Luke. Loved their friendship. He couldn't lose that - not for any one - especially not for this man!

Panic engulfed him as he acted the only way he knew how.

"I wonder what the medical board would think of you molesting a patient Dr. Oliver" Noah blurted out as he once again tied his robe shut, wiping their spillage onto it, using it like a towel and took a step back from the .egotistical brain surgeon.

Reid didn't miss a beat and retaliated in the best way he could hitting Noah exactly where it would hurt him the most.

"I wonder what Luke would think of you fucking around with his boyfriend Mr. Mayer?" he retorted viciously.

"Screw you Oliver!" Noah spat out trying desperately to suppress the urge to punch the smug arrogant bastard in his face for the second time that day.

"OH...I think you just did... if you can call what we did screwing or fucking around OR whatever you want to call it" smirked Reid as he waved his hands in a dismissive manner.

Noah could feel the anger rise up in him again. He breathed deeply, he wasn't going to go there again for this meager excuse for a human being. He was simply not worth it. He was better than this!

"Drop.Dead.Doc! Nice knowing you and all that. Thanks for allowing me to see clearly for the first time in my life. There’s the door. Use it! Don’t let it hit your ego on the way out “ Noah said calmly, so calmly that he scared himself.

Both eyed one another with some skepticism as they reflected on the 'deja vu' moment that had just occurred .These words had been spoken earlier that day to Noah by Reid, and had ultimately led to this moment.

Reid was first to break eye contact, he bent down and grabbed for his jacket which had ended up some feet away on the floor. When he had no idea - the last 30 minutes or so, were now a jumbled mass of confusion as he walked slowly to the door, reaching for the handle, he quickly pulled the door open.

He stood in the entry way taking a minute to focus, he breathed in deeply and stepped forward, confidently knowing, without any doubt that his dealings with one Noah Mayer were well and truly over.

His new life with Luke could now begin.

He took one last look over his shoulder at the man who had been embroiled in his life over the past few months. He thought he would have felt great satisfaction in hearing that door slam on this part of his life .

But he didn’t.

Instead he felt empty.

Noah turned to walk towards his bathroom he needed another shower and a change of clothes, but he found he couldn't move. His body trembled - betraying him and not doing as it was bid.

He lent back against the now closed door and slowly sunk down, his knees giving way as he landed unceremoniously with a bump. He rested his hands on his knees and sunk his head into them.

A mixture of feelings engulfed him. Guilt. Shame. Lose. Need.

God he was so mixed up - what the hell was this?

What the hell was that?

He had no idea where that had come from.

Reid Oliver - that heartless son of a bitch had yet again barged into his life and turned it upside down!

Little did Noah know that - that the heartless son of a bitch was seated on the floor, mirroring his own position - on the other side of the door...going through his own emotional melt down.

Dear God - What have they done?!?

~*~

One Year Later

Noah returned to Oakdale from L.A. to visit Luke and the rest of the Snyder clan.

His life in L.A was a good one , he loved his job, he loved his apartment,he loved his new friends - but it wasn’t home ... Oakdale was home.

Luke and he were friends - good friends - they had got back to that point in their relationship. They were not lovers, as most people thought they would return too, after Reid's death.

They had talked things out and decided that - that was not for them right now - they each had demons that need to be cast out.

They were friends who loved one another unconditionally.
Friends who would be there for each other at a drop of a hat .
They were family pure and simple .
But somehow deep inside them both - was this huge chasm between them still.

Noah knew this chasm had a name and that name was - 'Reid Oliver'

Noah knew, deep down in his heart, that friends were all he and Luke would be and was quite happy with this status quo.

He hadn't been with anyone since that fateful night. He couldn't. He wasn't ready. Why? He still hadn't worked out yet.

Instead, he was concentrating on his career which was going from strength to strength. He was making a name for himself in the L.A film industry and that was all that mattered to him.

For now, at least.

Luke, as always, was busy with his foundation and his place on the board of Memorial Hospital.

After Reid’s death - Luke had thrown himself head first into making the foundation and the new Reid Oliver memorial wing a complete success and he had succeeded beyond his wildest hopes and dreams.

Noah couldn't have been more proud of his friend ... Luke amazed him day in day out.

Noah was suddenly brought out of his musings, by a large impressive building that stood on the South side of the hospital. How he got here.. he didn't know... it wasn't something he had planned on - not today anyway or really any other day for that matter.

His feet took him there. That’s it … he would blame his feet.

He didn't intend to go he berated himself, but somehow here he was.

Was he ready to face his for-mentioned demons?

He ran his fingers gently over the gold lettering pronouncing this as

'The Reid Oliver Memorial Wing'

Noah knew the majority of Reid's ashes were built into the cornerstone of this new wing.
This thought sent shivers down his spine.

Reid and he had once been friends. Well, as friendly as a Doctor/Patient relationship could be - before becoming sworn enemies.

His mind often wandered to that night many months ago. It was a night that he’d never forgotten. No matter how hard he had tried to place it to the back of his mind - little things always enticed that memory forward, making him relive it time and time again, especially as he brought himself to completion - to his eternal disgust and shame.

But it was time to move on . He had to let it go. It was doing him no good holding onto memories of a dead man...and ...what ifs?

One thing he knew for certain though.

He would take the secret of that night to his grave, just as Reid had done.

Just then, he felt wetness on his cheek. He brushed a lone single tear away, dismissing the meaning behind his emotions

NO...No way!...was he shedding silent tears for a man he - he loathed?

No.

No way..

No way at all...

The End.