Aug 30, 2004 01:14
A couple nights ago I dreamt that I was a Physics class at UM, which happened to look much like Physics junior year. We were learning about balloons, how they inflate and all that stuff when one thing led to another and I didn't know what the heck was going on (predictable, huh?) and all the material was overwhelming. I think I proceeded to go to the Registrar's Office and attempt to switch out or something, but the dream gets fuzzy from that point. The ridiculous thing was that I woke up and realized I wasn't even signed up for Physics or any science or math class for that matter. The closest I come to anything in that field is Econ 101, which although hard, isn't something that comes close to the rigor of a science or math class. Figures that I'd be all freaked out from a dream...
So I came to the realization tonight that I now know why I'm suddenly so freaked out per se about college. This entire summer I've tried to downplay the fact that I'd be leaving this fall. I tried to convince myself that that college wouldn't have this level of permanence. It explains why I refuse to pack a whole lot (even though I'm a lite packer to begin with) and why the thought, "I'll be back before you know it," continues to play through my mind. It explains why I haven't been extremely sentimental when saying my goodbyes. I persaude myself that this side of Michigan will always be my home, even though I'll be moving to Ann Arbor temporarily to pursue higher education--a dream I've had my entire life. But it wasn't until Saturday when I had my last hurrah at the library that I began to feel depressed. As much as I complained or whined about the unsociable library clerks or all the books in the nonfiction I had to shelve, the library was my first job and I enjoyed it for the most part. I had pleasant colleagues, some of whom I actually liked sharing shifts with and seeing them a certain day of the week. And the goodbyes will only continue until Thursday. There are more friends and family to bid adieu.
I guess I want to say thank you and goodbye. Thank you to all my friends. We've been through quite a bit and I owe you so much. I've grown up with you. Even if you may think of me as an aquaintance, I still have greatly appreciated your kind smile in the hallway, your wave or your hello in the mornings. If a man were defined by who his friends are, then I'm a great person to have such wonderful friends that I do. And I want to thank the community and those members of it who have supported what I do and listened to my concerns. Whether it be the school administration or members of LEDA to all the other people I've had the pleasure of working with for so many years, I feel that I've always been treated kindly and, for the most part, felt that the concerns I raised were seen as legitimate. Members of the community--and when I say "community," I mean both the town and the school system--have given me many opportunties and responsibilites that I sometimes almost take for granted, but I realize how important they are and to some extent, the level of respect I have in the community. God, it almost sounds like I'm bragging. And of course, I have to thank my family, for without whom I would be lost and be a passionateless and emotionless lousy excuse of a person. I'm not even sure who all reads this, but it's more of a relief to me that I've thanked those who I feel are important in my life, even if they don't ever get a chance to know it. And thus, this cycle of semi-depression continues until complete excitement and nervousness hits Wednesday evening. Tuesday's my last day at the internship. Joy.
zaijian