Whee I'm sleeeepy
Okay not much has been up lately still. Can't go to "work" aka the farm until who knows when, dad's jeep died again, so have to wait til it gets fixed. It's supposed to go in the shop tuesday/wednesday.
I watched a pretty good movie tonight. Boy am I glad to have Logo back <3 It was called Get Real. It's a british Gay Drama called Get Real. I so didn't want it to end though!!! Grah. These movies pull at every single emotion I have. I try to not watch em too often, them and lifetime movies, gah those suck you in!
I also had an interesting dream last night and more discussion over the movie and its parrallels to me under the cut!
So if you have seen Queer as Folk, or an ad or the characters from it, that's kind what the dream was like. For some reason, I was myself, but I looked more like Justin from QaF (the young blonde guy)
Apparently I was dating someone, but it didn't seem to be Brian (Justin's bf in QaF) I dunno if it was one of my ex's or just a "guy" I didn't really see facial features (or i just don't remember which is quite possible). Anyways I was at his apartment wanting to surprise him for an anniversary or something (maybe it wasn't that big of an occasion) but I heard him with someone coming in the front door. I lock myself in a bathroom (or closet) the dream then shifts from me hiding in there (i was going to surprise him) to the boyfriend. He brought home a lady and it looked like they were going to sleep together. On his laptop was some gay porn site which he quickly closed off (she later snuck back on and did some weird thing to pull up the history and stuff like that) and was getting these weird thoughts. Anyways I'm getting uncomfortable waiting, I don't want to be seen, but there's only so much of this I can take, ya know? Finally while they're in the middle of having sex I just barge out of the bathroom (which is connected to the bedroom) I said something but can't remember what it was and ran out. I kept running until a girl (which in my dream seemed to be a sister) picked me up in her car and we drove off. I then woke up.
Now back to Get Real. I really enjoyed this movie, although it wasn't really anything new. Just another high school experience lol but I was able to relate to so many of the parts. The guy gets into a relationship with a popular jock who does not want anyone to know about it. This reminded me of my relationships, at one time I didn't want my parents to find out, then I got over that and then it seemed I found closeted people to date. I mean I do understand why, it's just grrrraaah. Like with Shawn, and one reason why I was wondering if it would ever really work out. When we went to Mississippi he almost completely transformed. He usually kept his XM radio and CD player backlights to pink, but the minute we pulled up into his aunt's driveway, he changed them to blue. Like who is going to see it anyways? Of course then I went through the whole issue of coming out all over again down here... and when I needed him the most, that's when he was drifting a part.
I can understand not wanting anyone to know for a time being, but eventually there has to be a point where you have to let the cat out of the bag, right? I mean I sure as hell don't want to have some weird arrangement where I can only show up on certain days to my boyfriend's house or what not and can't talk about certain subjects etc to friends and family.... I want someone that I can be a part of their life, and have them be a part of mine. For big get togethers I want to be known as more than just some friend.... am I really grasping a concept that's out of reach?
With Shawn, I knew that wouldn't be possible though. His family is set in the chains of a certain religion. When everyone down here was finding about myself, he was like well, it's something I dread, but something I won't have to worry about for a long while.
Holy shit, I typed up way too much. THESE MOVIES DO THIS TO ME I SWEAR! that and I should never be left in front of a journal or email at 2:40 am =p I keep going and going and going. but hey, it's not like I do it all the time, so I guess it's all good.
I watched a pretty good movie tonight. Boy am I glad to have Logo back <3 It was called Get Real. It's a british Gay Drama called Get Real. I so didn't want it to end though!!! Grah. These movies pull at every single emotion I have. I try to not watch em too often, them and lifetime movies, gah those suck you in!
I also had an interesting dream last night and more discussion over the movie and its parrallels to me under the cut!
So if you have seen Queer as Folk, or an ad or the characters from it, that's kind what the dream was like. For some reason, I was myself, but I looked more like Justin from QaF (the young blonde guy)
Apparently I was dating someone, but it didn't seem to be Brian (Justin's bf in QaF) I dunno if it was one of my ex's or just a "guy" I didn't really see facial features (or i just don't remember which is quite possible). Anyways I was at his apartment wanting to surprise him for an anniversary or something (maybe it wasn't that big of an occasion) but I heard him with someone coming in the front door. I lock myself in a bathroom (or closet) the dream then shifts from me hiding in there (i was going to surprise him) to the boyfriend. He brought home a lady and it looked like they were going to sleep together. On his laptop was some gay porn site which he quickly closed off (she later snuck back on and did some weird thing to pull up the history and stuff like that) and was getting these weird thoughts. Anyways I'm getting uncomfortable waiting, I don't want to be seen, but there's only so much of this I can take, ya know? Finally while they're in the middle of having sex I just barge out of the bathroom (which is connected to the bedroom) I said something but can't remember what it was and ran out. I kept running until a girl (which in my dream seemed to be a sister) picked me up in her car and we drove off. I then woke up.
Now back to Get Real. I really enjoyed this movie, although it wasn't really anything new. Just another high school experience lol but I was able to relate to so many of the parts. The guy gets into a relationship with a popular jock who does not want anyone to know about it. This reminded me of my relationships, at one time I didn't want my parents to find out, then I got over that and then it seemed I found closeted people to date. I mean I do understand why, it's just grrrraaah. Like with Shawn, and one reason why I was wondering if it would ever really work out. When we went to Mississippi he almost completely transformed. He usually kept his XM radio and CD player backlights to pink, but the minute we pulled up into his aunt's driveway, he changed them to blue. Like who is going to see it anyways? Of course then I went through the whole issue of coming out all over again down here... and when I needed him the most, that's when he was drifting a part.
I can understand not wanting anyone to know for a time being, but eventually there has to be a point where you have to let the cat out of the bag, right? I mean I sure as hell don't want to have some weird arrangement where I can only show up on certain days to my boyfriend's house or what not and can't talk about certain subjects etc to friends and family.... I want someone that I can be a part of their life, and have them be a part of mine. For big get togethers I want to be known as more than just some friend.... am I really grasping a concept that's out of reach?
With Shawn, I knew that wouldn't be possible though. His family is set in the chains of a certain religion. When everyone down here was finding about myself, he was like well, it's something I dread, but something I won't have to worry about for a long while.
Holy shit, I typed up way too much. THESE MOVIES DO THIS TO ME I SWEAR! that and I should never be left in front of a journal or email at 2:40 am =p I keep going and going and going. but hey, it's not like I do it all the time, so I guess it's all good.