dust in the snow
Anxiety. I now understand that it comes to me even when I don't have any reason for it at all, yet I have this big and heavy thing inside of me, making me tired everyday. I hate going to school, I hate being there, everything we do makes me feel stressed out and there is not one single night when I don't think "should I skip tomorrow?"
I really need to drag myself to the welfare officer on friday, I've been thinking that for weeks, and I've been really close many times, but it's just too hard to say it. "I need an appointment" or "I need to talk". God knows what I will actually say when I'm there, I don't even know what I feel, because I feel nothing. I keep telling myself "it's not important, nothing of it is important, I'm such a fool for thinking that I need this" but then I do. I keep coming back to "You tell yourself that you don't need it, when it's always the other way around." That is when you mostly need it. It's like my mind is fighting against itself, telling me that it's all bullshit, that I my anxiety and stress is worthless and lame, why bother when It can be so so much worse.
I really need to drag myself to the welfare officer on friday, I've been thinking that for weeks, and I've been really close many times, but it's just too hard to say it. "I need an appointment" or "I need to talk". God knows what I will actually say when I'm there, I don't even know what I feel, because I feel nothing. I keep telling myself "it's not important, nothing of it is important, I'm such a fool for thinking that I need this" but then I do. I keep coming back to "You tell yourself that you don't need it, when it's always the other way around." That is when you mostly need it. It's like my mind is fighting against itself, telling me that it's all bullshit, that I my anxiety and stress is worthless and lame, why bother when It can be so so much worse.
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