(no subject)
I was invited to participate in a focus group for high achieving PSU students. Apparently this means I get to spend an hour and a half in front of a faculty committee answering questions about the honor's program. It's sort of flattering and impressive to say: "I'm part of a focus group of PSU's best and brightest" but really there are about six kids graduating from the honors college this term of that small a group it would be pretty difficult NOT to get chosen for this thing. I don't know if there are going to be other high achieving students from around the university or if this is just something to do with the honors program. The administration of PSU has a close eye on the relevance of the Honors College and it probably doesn't help that at least twice a year the director of the Honor's College has to go have a talk with the vice provost of student affairs over something inappropriately mean comment he made to an underperforming student.
I used to be really caught up on people thinking I was smart, as if other people's good opinions of me could make up for the lack of my own. Making sure that whoever I was talking to was aware of my accomplishments, vocabulary, test scores, etc. was a large part of much of my social interactions and with that came a frantic sense of self-hatred if the person I was hanging around happened to be more articulate, accomplished or (god forbid!) better read then I was.
These days it's like social interactions, what social interactions?
And also, on those rare occasions when I do find myself in a group, trying to get everybody to think I'm brilliant is too exhausting and so not worth the hollow triumph it brings. I'd rather just gossip.
I used to be really caught up on people thinking I was smart, as if other people's good opinions of me could make up for the lack of my own. Making sure that whoever I was talking to was aware of my accomplishments, vocabulary, test scores, etc. was a large part of much of my social interactions and with that came a frantic sense of self-hatred if the person I was hanging around happened to be more articulate, accomplished or (god forbid!) better read then I was.
These days it's like social interactions, what social interactions?
And also, on those rare occasions when I do find myself in a group, trying to get everybody to think I'm brilliant is too exhausting and so not worth the hollow triumph it brings. I'd rather just gossip.