How to Get on Zephyr's Hit List

[easilytriggered]

Introduction
Is life just not exciting enough? Do you enjoy the feeling of bullets whizzing by you? The thrill of having a grenade explode in your face? Do you have a thing for having an angry teenager gunning you down? Then may we suggest getting familiar with how to anger one Zephyr of Resonance of Fate fame? If nothing else, pissing him off will likely make your life a little more exciting and possibly a good deal shorter.

How to Piss Zephyr Off
Need some help in making Zephyr raeg face at you? Try these lovely topics of discussion below:

• Harm: Zephyr keeps a very short list of friends back in Basel. It tops out at two people: a lovely lady named Leanne and a man named Vashyron. Now, the latter is quite capable of taking of himself, while the former... can still kick the asses of just about anyone who may want to try anything with her. That said, however, Zephyr's still a touch overprotective with them--and by a touch, we mean that he will pursue any and all people who seek to do them harm and end them. Run to the ends of the earth if you want, but if Zephyr finds these people? They've got no hope for them.
  *Note: Oh, for people who aren't named Leanne or Vashyron but still manage to fall under the "friend" category in games? Well, they don't get the full-blown "I kill you now" protection plan, but they should be delighted to know that they are automatically enrolled in the "I need to go kick some ass" protection plan instead. Not a bad deal, all the same! Promise.
  
• Religion: Believe in a holy figure of some sort? Are you a faithful member of a religious group? Good! No problem. Zephyr, while uncomfortable with the topic as a whole, is a-okay with people believing in their respective god(s), faiths, and the like. It's their own business after all. Things just get a little hairy when those people try to make it his business, too. Shoving Religion Down Zephyr's Throat is a big, huge, giant no-no. Having spent almost all of his childhood and teen years growing up in a seminary, he's not too keen on believing anything, thank you very much. So unless you want to be greeted on the doorstep with two machine guns, it's best to leave the religious texts and speeches at home.
  
• The Past: Just look at this wonderful can of worms we have here! Zephyr's life is one marked with many Sad and Terrible Events, including but not limited to having his parents killed, getting stuck in a suffocating environment for years on end, and snapping and going on a murdering rampage, resulting in the deaths of a large number of innocent children. Sure, discussing Zephyr's past often nets you an instant pass to the land of death glares and silence, so it may seem that these topics would be difficult to breach. This is where you would be wrong! Assumptions that Zephyr is really a decent fellow who is just misunderstood or some guy who will do amazing and wonderful things in his future will win you instant anger points. It's the guilt, see.
  
• Human Experimentation: Are you a mad scientist who enjoys toying with the lives of humans? Then this topic of conversation is just the thing for you! The newest addition to Zephyr's delightful list of items that make him raeg, this is one that developed when it was revealed that his dear Leanne was the victim of one such experiment. The idea makes his blood boil, so if you like keeping your hide intact, it'd be best to keep those dreadful little science-y habits a secret, okay? Okay.
  
• Rowen and Company: If your name starts with "R" and ends with "Owen" and you lead the theocracy back in Basel, look no further than here for a way to have grenades coming your way. If you are a close associate of the man described previously, Attempts On Your Life are likely to become a part of your routine as well. Hell hath no fury like... an angry teenager who hates your guts. But then again... Rowen and his little group of friends were really asking for it this time. Sometimes, obsessions can be A Bad Thing.

How Pissed Off Zephyr Will Be
Aiming for the perfect score in the game of pissing off Zephyr? Sure, they all tick him off, but here's how the above topics stack up on a scale from one to five, five being full on raeg face. Please note, however, that these are all starting values. Bug him enough about anything, and he'll probably shove a grenade in your mouth all the same.

• Harm: Varies between ✖✖✖✖✖ and ✖✖✖✖✖, depending on the individual involved. Zephyr may actually not be out for blood here! Well, all of it, at least. A few broken bones maybe... ?
  
• Religion: ✖✖✖✖✖. You actually have to try to really get him going here. Zephyr is, believe or not, a decent enough guy to warn potential offenders about this. Reactions will get progressively worse as time goes by though. Hopefully, people get the hint early on. If they don't... Well, remember that massacre we mentioned earlier? Yeah, we don't want a repeat of that, do we?
  
• The Past: Varies between ✖✖✖✖✖ and ✖✖✖✖✖, depending on how well the offender nails the issue on the head. Sorry to disappoint, folks, but getting a perfect score here more or less requires residence in Basel at some point or another.
  
• Human Experimentation: ✖✖✖✖✖. Sorry, but Zephyr does not support your scientific endeavors. He may not seem like he has any morals, but this line? This one is just something he won't cross.
  
• Rowen and Company: ✖✖✖✖✖. Congratulations! You've earned yourself a one-way ticket to hell! No questions asked! Probably not a good idea to get too close to Zephyr if you fall into this category. He will shoot to kill irregardless of who or what is in the area.

How Zephyr Will React When Pissed Off
You probably want to know how he reacts, right? Of course you do; it's only natural. Well, as it turns out, you have two options:

• Non-Violent Response: There will be yelling! Shouting! Lots and lots of cursing! Well, more profanity than usual at least. Middle fingers shall be present, and you may rest assured that there will be much narrowing of eyes and scowling. There may also be hurling of death threats. Not the reaction you were looking for? Never fear! With enough Poking of The Zephyr, you may yet upgrade yourself to a...
  
• Violent Response: This is what you were looking for, right? Guns blazing, bombs exploding, fists flying... Ah, the lovely smell of blood in the air! Yes, this is the ultimate reward for getting on Zephyr's hit list. Rest assured that boredom will not be something you have to deal with should you earn this sort of reaction. Still not sure? Well, rest assured--we back up this deal with a money-back guarantee!**
  **Offer only good in rubies. No refunds granted posthumously. Sorry!

In Closing
We know that when choosing hit lists to sign up for that you have a choice, so we thank you for choosing Zephyr. We hope that you have found this guide to be insightful and useful in your pursuit of a more exciting (and possibly shorter) life. Please feel free to use this as a reference should you ever find yourself dealing with a Zephyr in the wilds and strangely unable to inspire any of the following emotions: annoyance, irritation, anger, and blind rage.

Should you have any suggestions on how we may improve this guide, please feel free to let us know. Thank you, and have a most pleasant day.

omfg what is this gibberish. /hangs head in shame