"Be gay, although you ride upon a nag"
I dug out the second Lord of the Rings soundtrack from underneath all of my mom's Josh Groban CDs, and I'm glad I did, because it's really, extremely good. It (almost) helped me out of my crapass moodfunk. Updating makes me cheerful, though, and the massive chunks of Hershey's Dark Chocolate help, also, so I'm sure I'll be fine. Bring it on, biotch.
Last Sunday, me and Gabby went to see Rayna dance in the Yorktown Stage's Sleeping Beauty. I don't consider myself anywhere near the expertise on ballet, but I really thought it was very good. There were some tedious parts, I admit: like the opening scene, where all the people on the stage spent about ten minutes linking arms and strolling around all ballet-ically. Rayna was good, though: she was Snow White, plus one of Aurora's friends, and this person-thing holding up a big hoop. Go Rayna!!!
The rest of the week was just plain hell, though. It was like Hell Week, except in a mental-brainwash drone type of way, which is a lot more painful than just physical pain. I mean, bring on the muscle fatigue, the near-paralysis and the crippled demeanor! I'd rather have you than an overload of work, stress, panic and just plain depression. I don't know what it is about parents, particularly ones who work at IBM, from all the similar accounts I've read on other people's blogs, that make them so freaking desensitized. I mean, to be asked "What is wrong with you?" and to be called stupid and dumb and being reminded that you are a fucking disappointment all the time: what do they think they're going to get out of it? 'Oh, sorry Ma, I'll try harder?' No, because like the phrase we learned in Chinese school, it's all a self-defeating effort. No matter what is done, it's always going to be, "Why didn't you try harder?...Do better?" The question is, Why the fuck do we even TRY, when we're just going to be shut down? And it's like people have just learned how to paste on happy faces. I was walking with Jackie to the library one day after school, and she was like, "So, let me tell you about my little episode this morning." From her tone, I was expecting some sort of, you know "I woke up and fell down the stairs" type of story, but instead came: "You know how I wasn't here for a week in school? I had like a ton of stuff to make up, like all that English stuff and a lot of tests, and I was just really, really overwhelmed. When I came into school from the bus, I was late, and Ms. Sorrentini gave me detention. But I told her I needed to talk to her, and everything just came out, like how I had a Bio study guide and a bunch of tests and I just felt like I couldn't get anything done, and I sort of started crying and everything." She didn't elaborate, but I kept asking, and she told me how Sorrentini sent her to Guidance, and also set up a little schedule thing for her. "I'm sorry I keep whining and stuff," said Jackie. "I'll just stop." Whining? She had said everything in her normal, calm voice, like she'd been talking about her shopping trip, or something. Jackie is one of the most un-complaining-y person ever. I tried to think of something comforting to say to her, and it really upset me that I couldn't think of anything. I was also feeling a bit guilty, because I hadn't even bothered to ask her about herself, or about her life, or anything. From now on, I fully plan to be nicer to people because school just plain freaking sucks. End of topic!!
Last night, however, me and a couple of other people went out to eat and see Ocean's Twelve since it was Jackie's birthday. I couldn't stay to see the movie, however, having to rush home and study for Chinese School, so Mom was going to pick me up after we ate. The movie was going to start in about five minutes, and my mom still hadn't showed up, but my friends refused to go into the movie theater, and leave me alone to be "abducted by that guy that was reported on News 12." I love my friends <3