(no subject)
I just felt so inexplicably sad and depressed yesterday, when I found
out that the Somers senior who died on Wednesday is actually someone I
remember from when I was young.
I didn't even really know him by his name - Eric Dagnese. Tiffany, whose Mom was friends with his mom and taught her children Chinese, knew him a lot better (in fact, the last time she and Kim saw him, they watched Napoleon Dynamite together). When Tiff first told me at the Band Concert that her mother's 17-year-old student had died, I had only a vague memory of who it could be, which was confirmed to be correct when Tiffany's mom was talking to us yesterday.
It's strange how people can touch you.
Even though I've only seen Eric, his brother and his mom a few times in the past, I still have one clear memory of him. I have no idea why my brain decided to retain it, instead of, say, Chemistry, but it's very vivid, and I doubt either Kim or Tiffany will be able to recall it.
Mind you, I don't remember his face.
Why is it when you never see people again, their faces fade away the fastest?
One of the times I saw Eric, he and his brother Vincent were leaving Tiffany's house. His mother, Sue, was talking to Tiff's mom, and I was standing in the hall, watching them. Vincent, whose face I also do not remember, was standing with his books, looking small, skinny, and solemn. Eric was very tall (in my short, 5th-grade eyes), and his mom was asking him something as he picked up his backpack. I remember the backpack. It was huge and black, and so filled with books that it was stretched to its extent, and he strained to swing it up.
I also keep thinking that he had a funky haircut, perhaps dyed on top or shaved at the sides. I remember wondering why such an old kid would sit through Chinese lessons (because I wouldn't) and do it pretty willingly.
He must have been a nice kid.
The second instance I remember better, since it was pretty funny. I had been playing with Tiff and Kim when they had started arguing. Soon, their arguing escalated into a physical fight, to the point where both were shrieking and crying and grappling at one another. It was so loud, and the rest of the house was so quiet, since their mom was in the middle of teaching on the other side of the house. Embarrassed, not a little scared (the two looked like they were going to kill each other) and very clueless as to what to do, I retreated to the kitchen table and sat with my knees up, trying to ignore the high-pitched shrieking, and waited for it to blow over.
As I was sitting there, Eric tiptoed down the hall from where he had apparently been sitting, waiting for his brother's lesson to end. He did not say anything, so Tiff and Kim took no notice and continued fighting. However, on his face was clearly, "Whoaaaa there. What is going on??????"
I remember that expression so clearly.
I looked at Tiffany and Kim, who were both now crying so heartily that they had strength enough only to pummel their fists at each other half-heartedly, and then turned back, shrugging my shoulders at him, my facial expression reading a panicked, "I have no idea!!!!"
My helpless message, added to the melodramatic sobbing, made him grin widely. I grinned back, and soon, he was tiptoeing quietly back to the living room.
And that's it. I suppose Tiff and Kim stopped eventually, remembered me, and came over to the talbe to blow their noses. But I don't recall that - all I remember is Eric.
And it's so strange how I've carried that memory over 5 years of never seeing him again. And it's disquieting how a life that so briefly touched mine, merely a root of two trees brushing against each other in passing, is now no longer there. I can't help thinking of the many lives out there that I once touched, if they are still there, or have they passed away? Perhaps, the leaves will fall closer and closer to the tree, and who knows when someone close to me will leave?
When I cried for Eric yesterday, I did not cry out of sorrow, but regret. He had his entire life before him - he was set to graduate in one month!
Personally, if I were to die before college, I would totally die before junior year.
I'm really not qualified to speak of him at all, since I barely even knew him. But I can almost say in confidence he was also one of those people that you only had to glance once and could just TELL he was kind at heart. However, it almost surprises me how much his death has affected me. I mean, one can only wonder how I'll be when someone I love passes away! I know there is no "right" reaction to a death, but I still look at all the happy people and unaffected entries on Xanga and LiveJournal talking about trivial things, like track meets or Star Wars, some from kids in his own school, and I wonder how they can still go on as if nothing has happened, and not mourn?
Wherever you are, rest in peace.
[EDIT]: That last paragraph is in no way an accusation of ANY of you. It's just my feelings, and not a reason for anyone to force themselves to feel sad. I hoped you all would just know what I mean, and to not take it personally in any way.
I didn't even really know him by his name - Eric Dagnese. Tiffany, whose Mom was friends with his mom and taught her children Chinese, knew him a lot better (in fact, the last time she and Kim saw him, they watched Napoleon Dynamite together). When Tiff first told me at the Band Concert that her mother's 17-year-old student had died, I had only a vague memory of who it could be, which was confirmed to be correct when Tiffany's mom was talking to us yesterday.
It's strange how people can touch you.
Even though I've only seen Eric, his brother and his mom a few times in the past, I still have one clear memory of him. I have no idea why my brain decided to retain it, instead of, say, Chemistry, but it's very vivid, and I doubt either Kim or Tiffany will be able to recall it.
Mind you, I don't remember his face.
Why is it when you never see people again, their faces fade away the fastest?
One of the times I saw Eric, he and his brother Vincent were leaving Tiffany's house. His mother, Sue, was talking to Tiff's mom, and I was standing in the hall, watching them. Vincent, whose face I also do not remember, was standing with his books, looking small, skinny, and solemn. Eric was very tall (in my short, 5th-grade eyes), and his mom was asking him something as he picked up his backpack. I remember the backpack. It was huge and black, and so filled with books that it was stretched to its extent, and he strained to swing it up.
I also keep thinking that he had a funky haircut, perhaps dyed on top or shaved at the sides. I remember wondering why such an old kid would sit through Chinese lessons (because I wouldn't) and do it pretty willingly.
He must have been a nice kid.
The second instance I remember better, since it was pretty funny. I had been playing with Tiff and Kim when they had started arguing. Soon, their arguing escalated into a physical fight, to the point where both were shrieking and crying and grappling at one another. It was so loud, and the rest of the house was so quiet, since their mom was in the middle of teaching on the other side of the house. Embarrassed, not a little scared (the two looked like they were going to kill each other) and very clueless as to what to do, I retreated to the kitchen table and sat with my knees up, trying to ignore the high-pitched shrieking, and waited for it to blow over.
As I was sitting there, Eric tiptoed down the hall from where he had apparently been sitting, waiting for his brother's lesson to end. He did not say anything, so Tiff and Kim took no notice and continued fighting. However, on his face was clearly, "Whoaaaa there. What is going on??????"
I remember that expression so clearly.
I looked at Tiffany and Kim, who were both now crying so heartily that they had strength enough only to pummel their fists at each other half-heartedly, and then turned back, shrugging my shoulders at him, my facial expression reading a panicked, "I have no idea!!!!"
My helpless message, added to the melodramatic sobbing, made him grin widely. I grinned back, and soon, he was tiptoeing quietly back to the living room.
And that's it. I suppose Tiff and Kim stopped eventually, remembered me, and came over to the talbe to blow their noses. But I don't recall that - all I remember is Eric.
And it's so strange how I've carried that memory over 5 years of never seeing him again. And it's disquieting how a life that so briefly touched mine, merely a root of two trees brushing against each other in passing, is now no longer there. I can't help thinking of the many lives out there that I once touched, if they are still there, or have they passed away? Perhaps, the leaves will fall closer and closer to the tree, and who knows when someone close to me will leave?
When I cried for Eric yesterday, I did not cry out of sorrow, but regret. He had his entire life before him - he was set to graduate in one month!
Personally, if I were to die before college, I would totally die before junior year.
I'm really not qualified to speak of him at all, since I barely even knew him. But I can almost say in confidence he was also one of those people that you only had to glance once and could just TELL he was kind at heart. However, it almost surprises me how much his death has affected me. I mean, one can only wonder how I'll be when someone I love passes away! I know there is no "right" reaction to a death, but I still look at all the happy people and unaffected entries on Xanga and LiveJournal talking about trivial things, like track meets or Star Wars, some from kids in his own school, and I wonder how they can still go on as if nothing has happened, and not mourn?
Wherever you are, rest in peace.
[EDIT]: That last paragraph is in no way an accusation of ANY of you. It's just my feelings, and not a reason for anyone to force themselves to feel sad. I hoped you all would just know what I mean, and to not take it personally in any way.