(no subject)
I don't know why I'm deciding to update now, because I'm a work doing the overnight shift. not much has happened.. I came in, had a redbull chatted a little with some employees, then everyone left. I'm reading this book, a few mags, I made something to sit on made of crates, and someone even asked for my number (i dont give that away so easily). it's 2am right now and I can feel my eyelids getting heavy and my eyes are drug, I need eyedrops. where did this beer come from? I think that guy went to my hs, lol and my friend raven who was in earlier was the one who told me he had a belly ring haaha oh the coincidence and things I remember...
my nephew will most definately be here in less then a month. I don't think heather thinks I'm gonna be a good aunt. she already doesn't like me much as a sister. I never did anything to make her feel that way, oh well, we all have our favorites for reasons unknown.
so I passed English 2 finally. dunno how it happened, im just going to say it was a message from God, jesus, moses and the whole gang to me saying I can do this, I need to, I don't want to live my life less then I planned for myself. I want to be challenged for once. it's been too easy living lately, I feel useless to eveyone.
I'd like to describe myself as a good friend, great friend I would think. whenever someone needs help whether it's an emergency, a shoulder to cry on, advise on anything I can help with, or even money help, I'm there. some of my friends like to describe me as absent. well this might be true but I could say the same. I can also say I'm not quite the same, the night life doesn't spark much interest for me anymore. this could be the result of absence from it, but it's not really my thing anymore, I don't have mucho fun watching my friends act irrational with people other then me. I want to come downto this level but sometimes I'm to closed up to come out. I'm sorry for that.
I really need to clean my room, it really takes control of my whole eroma. I don't even know if that is a word, forget of it fits the context. it does now.
I want to get a tattoo already, I'm gonna start drawing up some ideas, I want something pretty on my back/shoulders.
I want to feel the essance of summer already and I need something, anything to show me that this isn't the best as it gets because I need something to make me feel as if I have a purpose for something or someone. the gym has been enjoyable, I feel like I belong and get a good workout in when I'm there, at the same time, it makes me feel like shit cause other people claim difference in me when I don't see anything. is it sick of me to purposly not call a friend to come to the gym with me cause I don't want to look like the fat one when going, or possibly have her show more results on my membership? I know that's selfish of me but I wanted this summer to be about me, I wanted to show off what I lost and feel great and flaunt, well summer is around the corner and I feel stupid for even thinking it was possible. maybe Christmas. idk.
I wish I had a story to tell you while you were gone but nothing has changed, not even my hair.
now I have to get back to work.