(no subject)
It seems the world isnt ready for Awkward Fellows
see i submitted it to this national arts awards thing, really because it puts your name into a bunch of databases and you find you're supposed to find out about a bunch of scholarship opportunites... i've only received one email from one crappy college saying their interested in me.. and as for the awards... i didnt get anything and they gave awkward fellows a 4. a 4 out of 10.
I should have submitted something for theater too. but i lacked the time/resources to memorize monologues and make a tape/ figure out how the hell to make a tape that looks right
I noticed Mary Lynch and Emily McHugh got honorable mentions in this thing. Congrats to them, no seriously i'm not being sarcastic. its very cool
but i'm feeling like a total failure right now. maybe not a failure, just confused and frustrated
mary and emily knew exactly what they wanted to do and went after it, mary transferred and has become an oboe fiend, emily studied with oconnell and now she has an amazing voice.
me i've spread myself too thin, i've kept saying i love theater, dance, singing, and writing. and i've pursued all of them. but i havent been completely dedicated to any of them. sure i've put a ton of time and energy into them, but i feel like i have nothing to show for it.
what happened to the old laura, who always said she was going to go after her dreams no matter what, and who was always willing to work for it. my problem was always i dreamt too much and worked too little. and i kept compromising, listening too much to what other people said, and thinking about reality and second guessing myself. it all boils down to my arch enemy: regret. i need to listen to mimi's words and "forget regret or life is yours to miss" but thats def more easier said than done.
i'm also really worried about getting into college, if i got a 4 on this arts awards thing because i didnt try hard enough, how do i know i tried hard enough on my college apps. what if i get three small letters in a few weeks that all say, thank you for your application but we're sorry" or in other words "you're a failure you didnt try hard enough you procrasinated too much and now you're gonna pay for it"
and i've learned my lesson and i'm trying to get as much done for my january apps as soon as possible, i've already done a lot, but i'm scared of making the same mistakes again. i'm scared of failing again.
i know everyone has these fears sometimes and that its normal, but its just been bothering me soo much lately i dunno
and the fact that i've been home sick fo 2 days and feeling guilty and stressing about misssing so much school prob doesnt help the situation any either
i need to go do something productive. i think read madame bovary. i'm kinda behind
see i submitted it to this national arts awards thing, really because it puts your name into a bunch of databases and you find you're supposed to find out about a bunch of scholarship opportunites... i've only received one email from one crappy college saying their interested in me.. and as for the awards... i didnt get anything and they gave awkward fellows a 4. a 4 out of 10.
I should have submitted something for theater too. but i lacked the time/resources to memorize monologues and make a tape/ figure out how the hell to make a tape that looks right
I noticed Mary Lynch and Emily McHugh got honorable mentions in this thing. Congrats to them, no seriously i'm not being sarcastic. its very cool
but i'm feeling like a total failure right now. maybe not a failure, just confused and frustrated
mary and emily knew exactly what they wanted to do and went after it, mary transferred and has become an oboe fiend, emily studied with oconnell and now she has an amazing voice.
me i've spread myself too thin, i've kept saying i love theater, dance, singing, and writing. and i've pursued all of them. but i havent been completely dedicated to any of them. sure i've put a ton of time and energy into them, but i feel like i have nothing to show for it.
what happened to the old laura, who always said she was going to go after her dreams no matter what, and who was always willing to work for it. my problem was always i dreamt too much and worked too little. and i kept compromising, listening too much to what other people said, and thinking about reality and second guessing myself. it all boils down to my arch enemy: regret. i need to listen to mimi's words and "forget regret or life is yours to miss" but thats def more easier said than done.
i'm also really worried about getting into college, if i got a 4 on this arts awards thing because i didnt try hard enough, how do i know i tried hard enough on my college apps. what if i get three small letters in a few weeks that all say, thank you for your application but we're sorry" or in other words "you're a failure you didnt try hard enough you procrasinated too much and now you're gonna pay for it"
and i've learned my lesson and i'm trying to get as much done for my january apps as soon as possible, i've already done a lot, but i'm scared of making the same mistakes again. i'm scared of failing again.
i know everyone has these fears sometimes and that its normal, but its just been bothering me soo much lately i dunno
and the fact that i've been home sick fo 2 days and feeling guilty and stressing about misssing so much school prob doesnt help the situation any either
i need to go do something productive. i think read madame bovary. i'm kinda behind