Commentary: Rain is Falling, Looks like Love (TVD, Bonnie/Jeremy)

Feb 07, 2011 12:55

Commentary on Rain is Falling, Looks Like Love, as requested by summerstorm. Originally posted here.


The first thing that you should know is that I hate the title of this fic. I didn’t want to go with an obvious five times one, but I should have. Or something else. Anything else. I really don’t like it at all.

The second thing you should know is that this is not the fic that I meant to write. It’s not the fic that I started to write. After Katerina aired, I knew I was going to end up writing fic since the rest of the world was not obliging me on that front (and uh, any of you should feel free to write me some whenever the mood might strike), but I didn’t know what I wanted to write. So I started trying to write and none of it sounded right and so eventually, in desperation, I decided I was going to try to write a five times fic, because sometimes when I don’t know what to write, the structure of it really helps me. And low and behold this happened.

The first time Jeremy kisses her is in the library at the Salvatores'. He's helping her research Klaus, looking to see if there's any weakness that they can exploit to protect Elena. Bonnie's trying to pull a book off a shelf that's too high for her to reach, when suddenly he's right there behind her, pulling it down for her. But when she expects him to step back, to give her room to turn around and take the book for him, he doesn't. He stays where he is, strong and solid, caging her in. She can feel his breath warm against her neck and her eyes flutter closed.

"Bonnie," he says, and his voice sounds deeper than she's ever heard it before. A shiver goes down her spine.

Jeremy is so TALL this season. It’s not just about his height, really, it’s about his shoulders and his general presence and I love using that to throw Bonnie off balance. It throws me off balance, too.

She turns around to face him and his eyes are dark and intent on her face. "Jeremy," she says, only it's more a whisper than anything else. "Don't --"

But she doesn't get the chance to say anything more before his lips are on hers and he's pressing her back against the bookcase. She can taste the Red Bull he's been mainlining all night on his tongue. The wood from the shelves and the spines of the books dig into her back, but somehow she doesn't care. She rises up on her toes and her arms go around his neck, and it's only the sound of the book he was helping her get clattering to the floor that makes her pull back.

Fun fact: I do not hate a single kiss that I wrote in this entire fic. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. I don’t think it will ever happen again.

Bonnie would be lying if she said the kiss was a surprise.

They've been circling around whatever this is between them for weeks now, since the night of the masquerade at the Lockwood's. Before that night, Bonnie had never thought of Jeremy as anything but Elena's younger brother. Since that night, she's had a hard time remembering that Elena's younger brother is exactly what he is.

Another thing that I love: playing with the best friend’s little brother thing. It saddens me greatly that the show has not yet exploited this in any meaningful fashion. IT IS RIGHT THERE. USE IT.

"I should go," she says, backing out of the library, her hand hovering over her lips. "I should go."

"Bonnie," Jeremy says, taking a step towards her. "Wait --"

She shakes her head. "No, I can't -- I --" The words stick in her throat and she does the most undignified thing she's ever done; she runs.

***

This next section was written solely to redress the wrong that was the show not actually having Jeremy teach Bonnie how to play pool. Actually, if there’s a running theme through this fic it is “things the show had an opening to do and didn’t because they suck and hate joy.” Er, not that I feel strongly about any of this or anything.

The second time that they kiss, Bonnie's the one who initiates it. They're playing pool at the Grille again, just the two of them. It's part of their attempt to see if they can ignore what's going on between them and just be friends. Bonnie can't speak for Jeremy, but as she watches him take another shot, his hair falling over into his eyes, she thinks that it's not really working for her.

Jeremy shakes his head in disgust as the ball barely misses the pocket. He straightens and looks across the table at her, giving her the look that's been tying her stomach into knots for the last month. "Your turn," he says. "Want help this time?"

She makes a face at him and opens her mouth to say no, but then closes it, reconsidering. She nods instead. "Sure."

His eyes go wide with surprise. "Really? Did you just admit that you need help with something?"

"No," she corrects him, with a roll of her eyes. "I said I want help. There's a difference." She shrugs her shoulders. "But if you don't want to..."

He's at her side so quickly that it's almost like being around Stefan or Damon or Caroline. Except none of them make her feel like this by putting their hand on the small of her back. "No, I want to help," he says, bending low to speak in her ear. "Watching you mess up was actually kind of painful."

"Hey!" she exclaims, elbowing him in the ribs. She looks back at him and he's grinning down at her, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Her breath catches in her throat and she snaps her head back around so that she's staring at the pool table. "How should --"

I love writing her being off balance because of her physical awareness of him. She’s so self contained most of the time and it’s nice to explore the other sides of her.

"Like this," Jeremy says, guiding her hands over the pool cue, and positioning her over the table, covering her body with his own. He helps her draw the cue back and then release. She watches in disbelief as the cue ball hits one of the striped balls and fall into the pocket. "See?"

"It went in," Bonnie says dumbly, still looking at where the ball should be on the table. She spins around to face him, a mixture of shock and sheer glee on her face. "It went in."

Jeremy nods, the corners of his mouth twitching with laughter. "It's supposed to do that, you know. Man, you really do suck at this, don't you?"

She ignores him, letting out a completely embarrassing squealing noise and throws her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.

He laughs, wrapping his arms around her waist. "If I'd known that --"

But she cuts him off, pressing her lips against his in celebration. It's not meant to be anything more than an innocent kiss, just an overflow of emotion she can't and doesn't want to hold back, but when she draws back and sees the look in his eyes, confusion and want and a hundred other things that she's sure are echoed in her own, she knows that there's no such thing as an innocent kiss between them.

Someone once said that Kat plays Bonnie as very childlike, and I think that’s absolutely true. Just think back to the feathers scene, the look of sheer joy on her face. I wanted this to be a similar type of reaction, because I think her control slips most when she’s experiencing emotional extremes and Jeremy is an emotional extreme for her.

Not now. Maybe not ever.

Jeremy doesn't move, just looks down at her and waits for her to move. What happens next has to be her decision, he's saying to her. He needs to know that she wants this to happen.

This has been true of Jeremy since the very beginning. He’s so open about what he feels, always, but he’s constantly worried that what he feels isn’t reciprocated. Probably because it usually isn’t at first. So I think he would wait for her to make the first move, especially since she’s already rejected him once.

And in that moment, she knows that she does.

Bonnie closes the space between them, tugging on the front of his flannel shirt and drawing him down into another kiss. This time no one runs away.

***

The third time is after their first official date, after they've sat through a terrible movie and gotten coffee at the place where Bonnie can never remember the name on Elm. The date is both more and less weird than she thought it would be. It's weird because he's still Elena's brother and he used to spy on them and read Elena's diary and Bonnie's sure that he knows all about the embarrassing secrets they used to spill at sleepovers while playing truth or dare. But it's not weird, because it's Jeremy and she doesn't have to explain about her dad or her mom or being a witch. He knows and he understands and he doesn't care. He has his own baggage.

And any amount of weirdness is outweighed by the way that he makes her feel when he puts his arm around her shoulders during the movie or the way he takes her hand when they're walking down the street. Jeremy Gilbert makes her palms sweat; it's going to take some getting used to, but Bonnie thinks she likes it.

Again. Things that the show should be exploiting. History. How off balance he makes her. How aware she is of how off balance he makes her. I swear, one day Kat and Steven are going to improvise something like them running away together and the writers are going to be like, huh, good idea and I will want to punch someone in the face. Have I mentioned how grateful I am for the two of them? Because I am.

Jeremy walks her to her front door and she unlocks it before turning around to face him. She's more nervous than she's been all night, which she thinks is ridiculous. "Well, good night," she says, tucking her hair back behind her ear. "I'm glad we did this."

"Me, too," he says, reaching out to touch her cheek. "Really glad."

She smiles at that, stepping forward and stretching up on her toes to brush her lips against his. His hand slides back into her hair and his other arm wraps around her waist and they stand there, in the moonlight, kissing for Bonnie doesn't know how long.

When Jeremy finally draws back and lets her go, Bonnie's afraid that she's going to fall over. It's a cliché, but her knees are actually weak. "Good night," she manages to get out, not waiting for his reply before she slips inside, turning the deadbolt closed once more.

If she sits down on the floor right inside the door until she feels like she can stand, that's no one's business but hers.

I just really like this.

***

After that, Bonnie loses track of their kisses. They steal them at school, slipping into empty classrooms or janitor's closets. They steal them while Bonnie's father is at work or after he's gone to bed at night. They steal them when they're hanging out with Elena, waiting until she's out of the room to make popcorn or call Stefan to so much as touch. Because neither of them has told Elena what's going on between them.

Jeremy doesn't think Elena will care, but Bonnie feels like she owes her best friend an explanation for how this happened, but the problem is that Bonnie doesn't actually know. One day it was just different and now everything has changed.

This section combines two of my favorite things, sneaking around and the Elena factor. If anyone ever wants to write me fic, not necessarily about them, but in general, if you write me sneaking around, I can guarantee you I will love it.

In the end, though, telling Elena proves unnecessary. When she walks in on them making out on the living room couch, it pretty much gives it away without them having to say a word.

AND OH MY GOD, IF ELENA DOESN’T WALK IN ON THEM WITHOUT KNOWING, I WILL LOSE ALL FAITH IN THIS SHOW. Ahem. I mean, come on! It has to happen. I mean, I don’t want her to have a problem with it or anything, but I very much think it should play out like that. Why would you go to all the trouble of pointing out the best friend/little brother thing if you’re not going to take advantage of it?

They stare at her, Jeremy pulling his shirt back on and Bonnie buttoning her blouse, unable to meet Elena's eyes. When she finally does look up, Elena's mouth is hanging open and she's looking at them like she's never seen either of them before. Bonnie scrambles to her feet and feels Jeremy stand up alongside her. He takes her hand, twining their fingers together and she is grateful for that.

"What?" Elena finally manages to say and she doesn't look angry, just confused. "How long has this --"

"Awhile," Jeremy says, looking his sister straight in the eye. "We didn't know how to tell you."

I’m pretty proud of all of their reactions. Bonnie, embarrassed and worried, Jeremy, unashamed, and Elena, shocked. I think that’s how it should play. Not that I’m trying to tell the writers what to do or anything.

Elena shakes her head, as if to clear it. "I -- I am actually speechless right now."

"Are you mad?" Bonnie asks, unable to stop herself. She doesn't want Elena to be mad at her for this. She doesn't know how she'd be able to stand it if Elena was mad at her for this.

Elena blinks in confusion. "What? No," she says. "I'm confused. I'm not mad. It's just --" she waves her hand at them "-- my little brother and my best friend. It's weird."

"Weirder than dating a vampire?" Jeremy asks, laughing a little. Bonnie elbows him in the side and he laughs again, dropping her hand and wrapping his arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head.

"And on that note," Elena announces as she starts backing out of the room, "I'm going to go process. Somewhere very far away from here."

"Elena, wait," Bonnie calls out after her, taking a step towards her.

"Oh no you don't," Jeremy says, tugging on her wrist and pulling her back towards the couch. "You heard her. She needs to process."

She tries to frown at him, but he just grins at her unrepentantly and pulls her down onto his lap. When he kisses her this time, he's still laughing.

Reason #5011 that I love them: How much they smile when they’re around each other. Hence this bit. They both have such pretty smiles. I like getting to see them.

***

And school! I want more school scenes. I like the high school clichés and the show is not giving me enough of them anymore. Like I said, this is really the fic of missed opportunities.

The next day at school is the first time that they kiss in public. Bonnie finds Jeremy waiting for her at her locker, his backpack slung over one shoulder. "Hey," he says, brightening at the sight of her. "How are you this morning?"

"Hi," she says, spinning the dial on her locker. She takes out her books for French and shuts it again with a thunk. "I'm good. Well, I will be when my history quiz is over."

He falls into step with her as she heads down the hall, his hand brushing against hers. He doesn't take it, like he would anywhere else, and Bonnie can feel his eyes on her. He's waiting for her again. She takes a deep breath and slips her fingers through his. She looks up at him and he's grinning down at her, like this was all he's ever wanted. She thinks that it might be what she's always wanted too.

And again, he lets her take the first step. Short of Stefan, he really is the most gentleman-like character on the show. Which is weird to think about, but true none the less.

He lets go of her hand outside her classroom and gives her a final smile before starting down the hall to his own class. She watches him walk away for just a second before she makes her decision.

"Jeremy, wait!" she calls out, running down the hall after him. He spins to face her, a confused look on his face.

"What's --" is all he manages to say before she's kissing him goodbye to the sound of the first warning bell ringing. People rush past them, around them, but Bonnie doesn't even notice.

She's late to class for the first time that day. She decides that it's worth it.

And that’s a wrap! I don’t know, I really enjoy this fic and that’s not something I say very often about my own stuff. It’s just joyful in a way that I think that they are or will be as a couple. I mean, there’s some angst, too, but it’s all internal and yeah. I just really like it. And them.
Someone else is going to write about them soon, right? I want to read fic for a change, haha.

fandom: the vampire diaries, commentary

Previous post Next post
Up